Topic: Let it all hang out,tell us how you really feel and what pisses you off.

[trueblue]

Well I have just had four 12hr days running a unit of 60 crims, all I can say is I'm #$%*ing glad that is over.  It was probably the best unit in the gaol, but everyday I had a different support officer.  Each and every one was as useless as #$%*.  I had one who sat on his arse all day and literally did #$%* all, one who was telling me what to do all day while again doing #$%* all, one who was a crim lover and spent all day handing out lollies and coffee out of her own bag and finally one who was fresh out of the academy and was scared #$%*less out amongst the crims, he literally walked onto the floor then stood in the corner basically quivering.  How the #$%* he got through the entry program I have no #$%*ing idea.  He is only 21 and realistically shouldn't be working there.  Doesn't have anywhere near the life experience to be working that job.  I was pissed off but I'm about to have one of my favourites, lasagna, for dinner and a scotch and dry.

[Demon67]

Trueblue You are a better man than I am sport.
Bill the demon.

[mick7504]

Geez Andrew
Lasagne and Scotch for dinner eh?
That would've made the Methane Meter start redlining mate.
And enough to piss the whole family off too. 

[Terry in Australia]

Ha ha, I can relate to Andrew's tastes, I had Thai Beef Satay last night, washed down with a couple of glasses of Chivas and Coke Mick, and it was most enjoyable. Yep, I would have been up for a game of "Dutch Ovens" if I hadn't fallen asleep in my comfy chair......

[mick7504]

Pork ribs on the Barbie did it for me mate.
Followed by a bottle of Pinot Noir Champers on Wednesday night when the beers ran out.
Charlie won the champers at the dog show a while back and I caught the fcuka licking the cork after the bottle got popped.
Fcuk that Pinot evaporates quickly.

Well, Thursday morning at work, I had to let a one cheek sneak rip and man, it was loaded.
When ya can't handle your own farts, it pisses you off. 

[Terry in Australia]

Actually, I love the smell of my own farts Mick, I wonder what a psychologist would say that says about me............ ?

[vfourfreak]

Actually, I love the smell of my own farts Mick, I wonder what a psychologist would say that says about me............ ?

Hmm he says, strokinh goatee beard and adjusting monocle. Fascinating.

[seanbarney41]

Actually, I love the smell of my own farts Mick, I wonder what a psychologist would say that says about me............ ?

sick #$%*s piss me off lol

[mick7504]

This fart was that heavy duty that it leached into the fabric of my office chair.
I went outside for a smoke after that due to the fact that I wasn't going to accept any responsibility for it.
But when I returned, the leaching hadn't dissipated so I had to go outside again for another durry.
Bloody hell, a bit more choke and it would've started. 

[Terry in Australia]

A couple of months ago, I took my ma out for lunch at the Metung Pub. I had a delicious Sirloin Steak with Garlic Butter, chips and salad. A superb meal, kind of like a heart attack just waiting to creep up on me.

On the way home I dropped into Supercheap Auto to get some bits for Dad's car. As I wandered the aisles, I suddenly cramped up and almost doubled over in pain. As the aisle was all but deserted, I let rip a beastly report, the stench of which was eye watering, so bad that I started to dry retch. How could the chemicals within turn such a fine tasting repast into the vile gas that now enveloped not just me, but everyone in a 10 metre radius?

I tried to walk away and leave it all behind me, but it followed me like er, a bad smell. Luckily I wandered past an old pensioner and as people were now looking in the direction of this black cloud of undiluted methane, I nodded at the old man and and gave them a knowing look.

I sauntered up to the counter and made my purchase, and offered a comment about old people no longer in control of their bodily functions, and made my retreat, safe in the knowledge that I was above suspicion. I guess it probably pissed the old guy off, if anyone accused him of my gaseous trespasses.............      

[vfourfreak]

Naughty Terry.

A little bit disgusting, but definately naughty.

Yoy scoundrel, you.

Kev

[petercb750]

  at Tez
That's why we're getting another dog....someone to blame for the very occasional little bum burp that escapes my otherwise innocent nether regions.....well ok, perhaps not that occasional.....
Anyway, I'm sixty and don't give a fcuk.
We've applied for a retired greyhound ....my mrs is going to get mighty pissed off when she discovers how often they fart....

[mick7504]

at Tez
That's why we're getting another dog....someone to blame for the very occasional little bum burp that escapes my otherwise innocent nether regions.....well ok, perhaps not that occasional.....
Anyway, I'm sixty and don't give a fcuk.
We've applied for a retired greyhound ....my mrs is going to get mighty pissed off when she discovers how often they fart....

My brother has got a Whippet Pete and they called him Frank.
He's a fcuken good Dishlicker and loves the kids.
Well, my brothers missus treats him like a 3rd child and subsequently, Frank has become more of an inside dog than an outside dog which is the best way to fcuk a dog up.

Anyway, when Frank opens up his lunch box, Frank immediately becomes an outside dog. 

[petercb750]

Whippets are greyhounds that never grew up...

[Terry in Australia]

Yep, a Greyhound would be an ace dog to own Pete, not one of those woolly little dunnybrushes on legs that are all the rage with sheilas and Metrosexuals.

Sally the wonder dog was a disgusting farter, she could clear a room in seconds flat, and I couldn't hold a candle to her flatulence. (which would have been a very dangerous thing to do, in hind-sight...........)

As much as I blamed her for some of my butt-erances, no-one ever really believed me, because as bad as mine were, hers were almost solid..........

[mick7504]

My brothers first Whippet was called Coopers and his missus insisted that
he should have a name tag with a phone number attached to his collar incase he fcuked off or became lost or kidnapped.

Anyway, Nige just drilled a hole in a beer bottle top for the name tag and told his missus to organise the phone number tag which pissed her off. 

[Terry in Australia]

Ooher, and I forgot, but fcuking ghosts piss me off too. While I was in Sydney, I stayed at the Sydney Travelodge, room 1322 on the 13th floor. Yep, 13th floor, something you don't see in a lot of hotels................

Anyhoo, it was a typical 1970's hotel room, nothing special, but OK. In the wardrobe were two extra pillows that I didn't need, so I didn't touch them. On the bench below the microwave oven, (next to the wardrobe) I had put a bag of chips on Tuesday night, and they stayed there until Thursday evening, when I ate them. There was nothing else on the bench. (it was quite small)

I went to bed on Thursday night, and woke up (as usual) around 2am to get up for a piss. As I walked past the bench, I noticed that the two pillows that had been in the wardrobe all week, were now stacked on top of each other, in the exact spot where the bag of chips had been sitting for the last two days. I hadn't moved them, in fact I didn't even use the wardrobe. I put the pillows back in the wardrobe, and went back to bed.

It was weird, but it didn't get any weirder, and I eventually went back to a fart laden sleep............

[petercb750]

Aaaaannnnd......how many chivas and cokes had you had.....

[Terry in Australia]

Aaaaannnnd......how many chivas and cokes had you had.....

Sadly none Pete, I was on a fairly technical course, so I didn't have a drink all week. The only "spirits" in my room, were in the wardrobe...........

[754]

Man, a few of the posts on this Page had me laughing...
 Nothing pissed me off yet today..cept maybe my aching back..

[krusty]

When you fart in public its best that it smells so as deaf people can enjoy them too.

[Terry in Australia]

It's Sunday morning, the great race, the Bathurst 1000 that I've watched from start to finish every year for the last 38 years is just about to start, and it'll finish late afternoon, but I'm driving back to Canberra at 11.30 and by the time I get there it'll be all over. I thought about recording it and watching it next Saturday, but it just won't be the same. Oh well, it's been a weird year...........

[mick7504]

Maybe you could stop at few country pubs on the way mate for a Bathurst update and a refresher.
Back in the 80's, some mates drove from Adelaide to Alice Springs in an old Ford Panel Van.
So they decided to stop at every pub on the way through and enjoy some good ol' country hospitality.
Problem was that it took 'em 18 days to get to Alice. 

[scottly]

All the talk about dog farts reminded me of a buddy many years ago, who had bonded with a large dog. He often spoke of how they would drink beer and eat pickled peppers, and then have a farting contest.

[Demon67]

Pub crawls were interesting In Naniamo Pop # about 5000= 23 pubs as adventurous young airmen we tried have a suds in each one never heard of  any one making it, found out the reason  for so many pubs was when the annual "Loggers Sport's Days" happened they needed that many to keep up Ahh back in the bad old days I can still hear the strains of "Yer in luck when you got a McCulloch Chain Saw" something  about you've got power by the hour any how I am supremely pissed off that those days are gone.