G'Day Guys, sorry I haven't been here much recently, I've been as been as busy as a one legged redneck at a Commie kicking contest..............
Well the trip to Adelaide was great, but KMart Tyre and Auto really pissed me off. Don't get me wrong, the little green Hyundai went like a rocket, and I averaged 50 MPG over the 1000 mile round trip, (18 fcuking hours behind the wheel, FARK................) sitting on 60-70 MPH, with the aircon blowing nice and cold.
So, if they did such a great job, why do KMTAA piss me off? Well at 0700 I was throwing the suitcases in the boot, (trunk, for my seppo brothers) and I noticed that the spare wheel nut thingie was sitting loose in the boot floor? Uh-oh. I lifted the spare wheel cover, and sure enough, no fcuking spare wheel. Great.
Oh well, I wasn't gonna drive all the way over to KMTAA and collect my spare, I've got another Hyundai, the wife's "Accent", so I stole the spare wheel out of it. OK, feeling a bit better, I loaded up the little Korean sports car and off we went. I drove straight thru to Bordertown (around 500 Km or 310 miles) and refuelled, the little bastard had only sipped 26 litres of 98 RON fuel. (98? WTF? I know, it seems silly, but the little thing loves the stuff!) We drove straight to Adam's place in Adelaide from there, (around another 300 "Klicks") then once I'd loaded the CX650 engine and all this other crap into the boot of my little Hyundai, we drove back into Adelaide's CBD to check into our hotel.
Did I tell you all that I won a $3000.00 travel package that included a $1000.00 Accor Hotels gift card? Well it expires in June, so I opted for a "King Spa Room" at "The Rockford" in Hindley Street. Nice room (it'd wanna be) with big spa bath, huge bed, 42 inch screen TV, Ipad, etc etc. We went across the road to a pub for dinner, and I managed to drink 3 pints of local beer (at 6 bucks per pint, it was a bargain, and I love a bargain........) and a large bottle of cider, before the wife dragged me, feet first, back to the hotel as she somehow mistook my witty banter with the barmaids and beautiful singing as "embarrassing". Embarrassing? That woman has no idea.....................
Anyway, back to the hotel, and time for a delightful spa. She wasn't interested (which was fine by me, uuuuggghhhh) so I went and fired up the spa while I took the worlds longest slash. (watered the horse, splashed the boots, shook hands with the unemployed, strained the main vein, etc etc) I was getting a little antsy, so even though the spa hadn't filled to above the jets, I hit the tit. Oh Schidt! Water sprayed out of each jet with a muzzle velocity of approx 2700 feet per second, instantly flooding the bathroom floor, the carpet, hitting the plasma TV, the IPad and almost everywhere else! FARK!
Several frantic minutes of mopping up the floor, while she wiped down the TV and IPad etc with all the supplied towels and the fancy hotel robes later, all was good. I noticed when I'd walked back to my room that the room next door was open. I sneaked in, and swapped the towels and robes over. As usual, the wifey wasn't happy, but what the hell, that's "Situation normal" around here.
Anyway, after that small interruption, it was time to get back to the bath. I had a lovely time singing and popping "fart bubbles" until I pretty much "followed thru" and had to remove myself to avoid a collision with several small brown submarines that were steaming towards me, like a scene from "Das Boot", which I then had to push thru the plug hole with my foot...............
Luckily the "hand brake" was oblivious to the whole situation as she watched cable TV on the (now dry) plasma, so after I did some "Private Dancing" for her,(until she told me to stop being stupid and go to bed) I crawled into my side of the massive bed. It was still pretty warm, so I lay there, naked, staring over the top of my huge belly at the two thirds of the TV that I could see, until I drifted off to the land of nod. All in all, a great day.
Sunday dawned (at dawn) and I decided against another spa, as I wanted to leave as early as possible. I had to wait for her to sort herself out though, so we didn't check out until around 9am. Then I had to drive back to return the room key cards....... Oops. Anyway, we had a fine repast at the "Golden Arches" restaurant on the way out of Adelaide, then filled the little car up again, and off we went. To cut a long story shorter, the trip back was pretty uneventful, apart from the two crashes we witnessed, both (to my sadness) in Victoria. Those bloody Victorians just don't know how to drive!
I love South Australia, the folks are friendly, the chicky babes are in plentiful supply, the food is great, and the beer is cheap. (but not as cheap as me........) I also love their road signs, check this out:
Those signs made us laugh, very well done. There was one that stumped us for a few minutes, it read "Drink and Drive?" then there was a pic of a Rooster? Then I realised, it was a "Cock". Oh. Well done..............
We arrived home, tired, slightly sunburned, but but otherwise unscathed, at around 7pm. My young son was home, so he helped me unload the engine and parts, and I returned the spare wheel back into "Her Indoors" other Hyundai.
I crawled out of bed Monday morning, and drove straight to KMTAA to give them a piece of my mind and to collect my spare wheel. Sadly the manager wasn't there and "Codey", the grubby urchin who served me wasn't much interested in my tale of woe, he just found my spare wheel and gave it back to me. I thought I'd snatch the opportunity of impressing him with my mechanical knowledge, so I told him how I'd cleverly borrowed the spare out of the Kitchen Troll's Accent as a spare for the Excel, but he just looked up at me and smirked, and said, "You're lucky you didn't get a puncture then, the Accent wheel won't fit your Excel, the "centre" is smaller on the Accent."
And that, boys and girls, really pissed me off.........................
