Topic: Funniest thing you've heard at a stoplight.

[TravisB]

Guy on scooter: "That's really cool what year is that?"
Me: "'75"
GoS: "Look's great for a '95"
Me: "NO, 75"
GoS: *confused look -scoots away*

=======================================

Guy screams out of truck window "CLEAN THOSE CARBS!"

[mono]

i should get a shirt made up with common answers:

THANKS!
1975
it's a 550.
no.

.. in response to:

1.  nice bike!
2. what year is that??
3. how big's the engine???
4. you want to sell it?!

[BAchvytrk]

About 8 yaers ago, I was at a stoplight minding my business on my 2000 zx9r(motor was far from stock).  I hear an engine rev up next to me and look over to see an older gentleman probably in his fifties, driving a beautiful bule convertible Z06 vette. sitting next to him was a gorgeous blonde in her twenties. I'm not sure what i was looking at more, the girl or the car. he snapped the throttle again to get my attention, and he says, "you want to run em on green?"    I politely responded "no thanks, i wouldn't want to embarass you in front of your daughter"  it was obvious they were on a date, i was just being a jerk.  this made him quite upset, he says "do you know what this is son?! this is a Z06 covette, i'll blow the rice outta that piece of $hit!"      So i said, "well, we'll just see when it turns green"
When it turned green, he hammered it and stayed at his rear bumper to about 80, grabbed a fistful of throttle and rode past him on one wheel.  got to the next light a few miles down the road, i asked him if he wanted to put some cash up this time, he wouldn't even look over at me, but his girl was all smiles 

[Nikkisixx]

Out on rides with a buddy on his very OE '76, the "beep beep beep" of his damn signal buzzer made me giggle like a 10 year old girl at a slumber party. I must have teased him too much about it, he eventually took it off. Now he rides around with his signal on 

[Tripps]

Not at a stoplight, but a guy at a car/bike show asked what year my (K8) 750 was.  Said he had on he used to screw his girlfriend on it, and that his had a really soft seat.  Then he reached over and touch mine.   

Touched your....what?

[Magpie]

Always get lots of questions when I'm on a CB750 but one of the best was sitting on our ST1100 at a traffic light beside a brand new Harley. The guy leans over and in a loud voice so I can hear him over his pipes says "Is that thing running?" It cracked me up. Cliff.

[ATZ]

About 8 yaers ago, I was at a stoplight minding my business on my 2000 zx9r(motor was far from stock).  I hear an engine rev up next to me and look over to see an older gentleman probably in his fifties, driving a beautiful bule convertible Z06 vette. sitting next to him was a gorgeous blonde in her twenties. I'm not sure what i was looking at more, the girl or the car. he snapped the throttle again to get my attention, and he says, "you want to run em on green?"    I politely responded "no thanks, i wouldn't want to embarass you in front of your daughter"  it was obvious they were on a date, i was just being a jerk.  this made him quite upset, he says "do you know what this is son?! this is a Z06 covette, i'll blow the rice outta that piece of $hit!"      So i said, "well, we'll just see when it turns green"
When it turned green, he hammered it and stayed at his rear bumper to about 80, grabbed a fistful of throttle and rode past him on one wheel.  got to the next light a few miles down the road, i asked him if he wanted to put some cash up this time, he wouldn't even look over at me, but his girl was all smiles 

Best story I've ever heard!

[70CB750]

About 8 yaers ago, I was at a stoplight minding my business on my 2000 zx9r(motor was far from stock).  I hear an engine rev up next to me and look over to see an older gentleman probably in his fifties, driving a beautiful bule convertible Z06 vette. sitting next to him was a gorgeous blonde in her twenties. I'm not sure what i was looking at more, the girl or the car. he snapped the throttle again to get my attention, and he says, "you want to run em on green?"    I politely responded "no thanks, i wouldn't want to embarass you in front of your daughter"  it was obvious they were on a date, i was just being a jerk.  this made him quite upset, he says "do you know what this is son?! this is a Z06 covette, i'll blow the rice outta that piece of $hit!"      So i said, "well, we'll just see when it turns green"
When it turned green, he hammered it and stayed at his rear bumper to about 80, grabbed a fistful of throttle and rode past him on one wheel.  got to the next light a few miles down the road, i asked him if he wanted to put some cash up this time, he wouldn't even look over at me, but his girl was all smiles 

Best story I've ever heard!

God preserve us from midlife crisis, way too easy to make an ass of yourself.  Love the story.

[trueblue]

I was sitting at a red light one day, a cop on a bike pulled up beside me.  As the other lights were turning orange a squid went through the intersection on his rear wheel.  Needless to say the cop turned on the bells and whistles, and took off after him.  What he didn't account for was the shower of rain we had just had.  The bike flipped out from under him and ended up in the middle of the intersection, with the cop standing next to me minus a bike.  It was the funniest thing I have ever seen, I pulled over gave him a hand to get his bike back up on its wheels, he didn't see the funny side of it though .

[majikani]

Not at a stoplight, but a guy at a car/bike show asked what year my (K8) 750 was.  Said he had on he used to screw his girlfriend on it, and that his had a really soft seat.  Then he reached over and touch mine.   

Touched your....what?

Touched his girlfriend is how I read it...   ;-D

[ekpent]

 My Son and I were up riding North of Traverse City by a town called Cedar on our 750's. We were being tailgated badly by a pickup truck full of guys. I slowed down and waved them around. Up in town at a light a big guy jumps out of the truck and comes towards us--OH OH-don't think the middy finger was raised. With a thick English accent he says"Do you want to see some Japanese bikes ?" Follow to a warehouse and it turns out to be Rick Brett and his crew of Kawasaki Triple fame. I am stunned by the amount of triples and 900's in his warehouse as well as his home he invited us to. Not many guys have a 0 miles gold Widowmaker in a bedroom 

[DustyRags]

Not a motorcycle story, but...

I grew up in Fresno, a great big nowhere town that had absolutely nothing going on back in the 90's. One of the primary forms of entertainment for the under-30 crowd was street racing. Being a bit of an ass, and lacking any sort of decent wheels (I shared a '76 VW Beetle with my brother), MY primary hobby was pulling up next to street racers, revving the engine and when the light turned green tucker away with high revs, burping the clutch like it was about to die and watch the idiots burn rubber.

One day, I was out in my dad's mid-90's Toyota Corolla station wagon. It had a bunch of crap in the back, and it was drizzling to boot when I came up next to a dude with a neon paint job, fart cannon exhaust and frosted hair. Naturally, I gunned the engine and when the green came he burned rubber. Or would have, if it hadn't been wet. He literally didn't move, just sat there spinning. I had a front-wheel drive car with a load in it, so I feathered the clutch and gingerly eased off the green to keep traction. Well, this guy just went ballistic, redlined his ricer and... went nowhere. I got to the next light well under the speed limit when he finally pulled up next to me, the entire car rattling with some very loud and very angry music. Absolutely refused to look at me.

I elected to turn off at that point and take a d-tour, but I suspect he's still out there, racing everything he can find just to prove that he isn't the #$%* who lost to a '95 Corolla wagon.

[mono]

Not a motorcycle story, but...

I grew up in Fresno, a great big nowhere town that had absolutely nothing going on back in the 90's. One of the primary forms of entertainment for the under-30 crowd was street racing. Being a bit of an ass, and lacking any sort of decent wheels (I shared a '76 VW Beetle with my brother), MY primary hobby was pulling up next to street racers, revving the engine and when the light turned green tucker away with high revs, burping the clutch like it was about to die and watch the idiots burn rubber.

One day, I was out in my dad's mid-90's Toyota Corolla station wagon. It had a bunch of crap in the back, and it was drizzling to boot when I came up next to a dude with a neon paint job, fart cannon exhaust and frosted hair. Naturally, I gunned the engine and when the green came he burned rubber. Or would have, if it hadn't been wet. He literally didn't move, just sat there spinning. I had a front-wheel drive car with a load in it, so I feathered the clutch and gingerly eased off the green to keep traction. Well, this guy just went ballistic, redlined his ricer and... went nowhere. I got to the next light well under the speed limit when he finally pulled up next to me, the entire car rattling with some very loud and very angry music. Absolutely refused to look at me.

I elected to turn off at that point and take a d-tour, but I suspect he's still out there, racing everything he can find just to prove that he isn't the #$%* who lost to a '95 Corolla wagon.

hahaha.  you can spend all the money in the world souping up your car, but if you can't drive... well.... hahaha.

a couple years after i got my '95 civic EX coupe (red), the Fast n Furious movie came out.  my car was pure stock, but every a-hole on earth wanted to race me.  it was so annoying.  but one day i did dust some jagoff who was driving an automatic transmission mustang.  he kept neutral-revvving at me at a red light, so i wound mine up so he would wind up way too high, then scooted off into the sunset.  he finally caught up when i was going about 70, so i dropped back into 4th and left again.  we hit the 3rd light or so, and he shouts "YO DAWG WHATCHU GOT IN THAT?" to which i replied "NOTHING.  LEARN HOW TO DRIVE!" and drove off laughing.

[KC_Northstar]

In the summer of 1971 I had owned my new CB750 K1 for only about a month.  I pulled up to a stop light and a 1969
Plymouth Road Runner pulled up next to me.  I could see the driver checking out my bike and when the light changed he did
a tire blazing hole shot!  By the time I reacted and twisted the throttle open on the K1, he had a good car and a half
on me. By the top of second gear I was even with him.  I remember his front fender disappearing as I topped 3rd.  I was
laying down on the tank with the tack about 2 inches from my nose.  I ran it through the gears and after shifting into
5Th I changed from watching the tach to the speedo.  When I hit 110 I backed off on the throttle and sat back up in the
seat.  He was at least 10 or more car lengths behind me. I slowed back down to the posted speed limit and about a mile
later was another light.  I stopped behind some other cars and he ended up stopping next to me again.  He rolled down
his window, gave me a thumbs up and said "man, those things really are fast!"

[Bailgang]

I have a friend that has a near perfect 66 Chevelle convertible that he put an "all motor" 700hp 502ci big block under the hood, the car is so insane it will smoke the tires at a 60mph roll. I know because I've been in it. Well anyhow one day him and his son were out cruising in it when a rip snortin nitrous fed late model small block Mustang pulled beside them. His son says "uh oh that's so and so, his dad owns the local Ford dealership and that Mustang is the fastest around" My friend says "Oh really?". The 2 cars were messing around blipping their throttles when finally the Mustang went for it. To make a long story short that Chevelle left the Mustang choking on its tire smoke. At the next stop light the Mustang driver hops out and runs to the drivers side of the Chevelle asking my friend "What's this thing got in it!! I've NEVER been beat that bad". My friend calmly replies "Young man, let me introduce you to the big block chevy  " True story.

[shinyribs]

Always get lots of questions when I'm on a CB750 but one of the best was sitting on our ST1100 at a traffic light beside a brand new Harley. The guy leans over and in a loud voice so I can hear him over his pipes says "Is that thing running?" It cracked me up. Cliff.

  So funny that you posted this. I had a Harley guy say the same thing to me once . I was on my 750 and he was obviously being a jerk,not just picking fun which I don't mind. A few seconds later his right side mirror gave up to the vibrations and tossed it's glass on to the pavement,busting all over the place. I laughed so hard I almost had to pull over. Karma rocks

[deafanddiabetc]

I have a historic plate on my '74 550 and I get pulled over pretty often. The cop's don't tend to "believe" that it's real until they run it in.

No joke, it happened 3 times last week but they always ask what year it is and how much I paid for it.

I have friends who've ridden cycles (sport bikes) for years, street raced, crashed, made a bad name for themselves on their bikes but have never ONCE been pulled over. Yet, I'm very cautious, don't speed and respect my machine in traffic yet get pulled over constantly. Pretty discouraging.

[333]

Too many years ago, I had just acquired my 350F, probably the first week of ownership.  It needed chain and sprockets BAD, the countershaft sprocket spun in the chain if you goosed it.  A guy in a 260Z pulls into the right turn lane just to try and beat me out of the light.  I still pulled away from him.  If it had been a highway, it would have been a different outcome.  I beat him to about 40, and that's all I needed to be ahead when it became one lane.

[jamesb]

I didn't hear nothing funny yesterday but did witness a very cute girl at the light next to me dig her nose, did the unthinkable. She ate it. my coworker and I about died

[70CB750]

The difference between boggers and brocolli?  Kids dont eat brocolli.

There was this guy next to me at the light. I am in myCJ7 and he has a built up TJ. Huge tires, winch, cage, bling,bling -  the works. I smoked him without trying. Next light he was serious about it, still had no chance. My Jeep was several hundred pounds lighter and those big meats under his vehicle  eat power like nothing else.

[72 yellow]

During the summer I was out cruising around.  Stopped at a light in the center lane.  Guy on a Harley Road King with a female passenger on the back pull up in the left lane.  She nods at me, I nod back.  He gives me a sneery look.  Light turns green, we take off, he nails it, bangs 2nd gear and she nearly falls off the back.  I catch up to them and she is beating his back and cursing at him for driving like a fool.  I just look straight ahead and smile.

[DH]

Spring '74, during a poker run. My dad is on his brand new Kawasaki 900. Some over-zealos dude on a 380 Suzuki with some
sort of exhausts/chambers is going around to EVERY big bike he can find looking for someone to race. Most, including dad, laugh at him, and politely tell him to get lost. Midway thru the run, at a check point, Mr. Suzuki 380 finds a taker, an 850 Norton. They find
someone to flag them, flagman drops his arms.......Mr. Suzuki dumps his clutch at about 5000 rpms, which in turn, points the front wheel skyward. So much so, that the bike is in danger of going over backwards. By that time he's lost throttle control,
and is, almost in slow motion, trying to ride out an uncontrolled wheelie. Bike slowly reaches point of no return, and goes over the tipping point with Mr. Suzuki barely holding on, and by that time, running behind the bike. Soon, he has to let go, and the 380 gets away, flipping over backwards, and slides/grinds into the ditch.
The check point guy, among others about wets himself laughing,
while the suzuki guy is over trying to "polish" his road rashed bike
with his shirt tale....not quite a stoplight story, one you had to be there to appreciate..

[333]

I didn't hear nothing funny yesterday but did witness a very cute girl at the light next to me dig her nose, did the unthinkable. She ate it. my coworker and I about died

I saw a cop do that once.  I was laughing too hard to notice if he ate it.

[FunJimmy]

Great stories!

[Billy Bones]

I live in Vancouver BC and sometimes pick up a cage for the rainy season. A couple winters ago I picked up a '59 Dodge Mayfair in perfect condition. It was beautiful (for a coffin) but I had to get rid of it because I couldn't stand having to talk to everyone and their dog about it at every light and gas station.