Author Topic: Three Italian nuns (Read 4135 times)

70CB750 · « **on:** July 29, 2013, 11:29:57 AM »

Three Italian nuns die and go to Heaven, where they are met at the Pearly Gates by St. Peter. He says:

"Sisters, you all led such wonderful lives that I'm granting you six months to go back to Earth and be anyone you want to be. "

The first nun says, "I want to be Sophia Loren," and, POOF, she's gone.

The second says, "I want to be Madonna," and, POOF, she's gone.

The third says, "I want to be Virgiuni Pipalini." St. Peter looks perplexed. "Who?" he inquires. "Virginia Pipalini," replies the nun. St. Peter shakes his head and says,

"I'm sorry, but that name just doesn't ring a bell." The nun then takes a newspaper out of her habit and hands it to St. Peter. He reads the paper and starts laughing. He hands it back to her and says:

"No, sister, the paper says it was the 'Virginia pipeline' that was laid by 1,400 men in 6 months."

70CB750 · « **Reply #1 on:** July 30, 2013, 09:45:15 AM »

Interesting, this is clearly inapropriate, profiling and generalizing joke - and nobody gives a #$%*? Where are you defenders of gays, women and such? Or is your political correctnes selective too?

vfourfreak · « **Reply #2 on:** July 30, 2013, 11:24:48 AM »

I rather like nun jokes. My formative years were spent in a Catholic school run by them. With the treatment they dished out, I now consider them fair game!

Kev

Question : What goes black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white ?

Answer : a nun falling down the stairs !

70CB750 · « **Reply #3 on:** July 30, 2013, 11:29:01 AM »

I always liked this one:

There was a guy in a bar one night that got really drunk, I mean really ,really, really drunk. When the bar closed he got up to go home.

As he stumbled out the door, he saw a nun walking on the sidewalk. So he stumbled over to the nun and punched her in the face. The nun was really surprised but before she could do or say anything he punched her again.

This time she fell down and he stumbled over to her and kicked her in the side, then he picked her up and threw her into a wall. By this time the nun was pretty weak and couldn't move very much.

So then he stumbled over to her, put his face right next to hers and said:

"I thought you are better than that, Batman!"

ofreen · « **Reply #4 on:** July 30, 2013, 02:24:05 PM »

Quote from: 70CB750 on July 30, 2013, 09:45:15 AM

Interesting, this is clearly inapropriate, profiling and generalizing joke - and nobody gives a #$%*? Where are you defenders of gays, women and such? Or is your political correctnes selective too?

The quick answer is yes.

vfourfreak · « **Reply #5 on:** July 30, 2013, 04:53:05 PM »

I think "PC" was a fad that has outlived it's day. In my eyes if it is a spade, then it's nothing other than a spade, and I'll always call it that.

I'll probably upset some people, but no change there then.

Kev

ofreen · « **Reply #6 on:** July 30, 2013, 05:33:21 PM »

Quote from: vfourfreak on July 30, 2013, 04:53:05 PM

I think "PC" was a fad that has outlived it's day.

Be nice if that were true, but it is worse than ever.

trueblue · « **Reply #7 on:** July 31, 2013, 04:35:23 AM »

There were two nuns riding their bicycles through the vatican city.
The first nun said "I know a shortcut back to the convent."
After a couple of minutes traveling along the shortcut, the second nun says
"I've never come this way before."
The first nun replied "It's the cobblestones that do it."

vfourfreak · « **Reply #8 on:** July 31, 2013, 04:19:26 PM »

A new Mother Superior is appointed to the convent. On her first day there, she is distressed to find the nuns all appear tired and disinterested when they arrive for morning prayers.
She decides to see what are they doing in the dormitory after evening prayers and supper.
So next evening she observes through the keyhole and is shocked to find the nuns all pleasuring themselves till the early hours, thus contributing to their fatigued state in the morning.
So Mother Superior decides to end this wanton behaviour and posts a notice outside the dormitory "Candles out at 9 PM" !

Duanob · « **Reply #9 on:** August 22, 2013, 10:30:35 AM »

I guess growing up in an Athiest household all this Catholic shyte is lost on me. Even the humor.

mono · « **Reply #10 on:** August 22, 2013, 10:38:14 AM »

Quote from: Duanob on August 22, 2013, 10:30:35 AM

I guess growing up in an Athiest household all this Catholic shyte is lost on me. Even the humor.

ha! my family was never really religious, but i still got sent to catholic school !! oh what fun that was. but hey at least i don't feel awkward at church weddings

70CB750 · « **Reply #11 on:** August 22, 2013, 10:51:29 AM »

Quote from: Duanob on August 22, 2013, 10:30:35 AM

I guess growing up in an Athiest household all this Catholic shyte is lost on me. Even the humor.

I feel for you.

Doctor_D · « **Reply #12 on:** August 22, 2013, 12:23:23 PM »

Quote from: vfourfreak on July 30, 2013, 04:53:05 PM

In my eyes if it is a spade, then it's nothing other than a spade, and I'll always call it that.

That, my friend, is a statement that was historically directed at people of color. It meant that, as a group, people of a certain ethnic heritage would always be inferior, criminals, etc. -- regardless.

Be careful which bromides you toss around, as some were deliberate tools of oppression.

vfourfreak · « **Reply #13 on:** August 22, 2013, 12:39:56 PM »

Quote from: Doctor_D on August 22, 2013, 12:23:23 PM

Quote from: vfourfreak on July 30, 2013, 04:53:05 PM
In my eyes if it is a spade, then it's nothing other than a spade, and I'll always call it that.

That, my friend, is a statement that was historically directed at people of color. It meant that, as a group, people of a certain ethnic heritage would always be inferior, criminals, etc. -- regardless.

Be careful which bromides you toss around, as some were deliberate tools of oppression.

Not where I come from mate ! A Spade is just the posh name for a shovel. In English/English and Irish/English it is a well known saying and nothing to do with statements with regard to colour or race or religion. Your history is not my history. Be carefull of tarring everyone with the same brush. Not that that was ever an Irish custom either. Or French for that matter.

Kev

vfourfreak · « **Reply #14 on:** August 22, 2013, 12:57:23 PM »

Sorry if I was abrupt there, I could better have explained my position with a reference, so here goes :

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/To_call_a_spade_a_spade

I like the quote "For instance, you may not want to call a spade a spade. You may prefer to call it a spatulous device for abrading the surface of the soil. Better, however, to stick to the old familiar, simple name that your grandfather called it." but as always my fellow country man, Oscar Wilde, had an alternative view "It is a sad truth, but we have lost the faculty of giving lovely names to things. The man who could call a spade a spade should be compelled to use one. It is the only thing he is fit for."

See, no oppressive bromides here !

Kev

Doctor_D · « **Reply #15 on:** August 22, 2013, 01:22:41 PM »

Thanks for the reference. Until shown that it had become a racially-charged phrase in the States, that is the way I used it and what I understood it to mean.

Each of us is now better prepared to discuss the topic should it come up again. The depth and breadth of the SOHC4 forum never ceases to amaze.

vfourfreak · « **Reply #16 on:** August 22, 2013, 01:48:33 PM »

Absolutely correct, there is a huge depth and breadth here. I have found this forum to be excellent with respect to understanding SOHC Hondas better, but frankly I am really here for the great and interesting members worldwide with a rich and varied background. Professionally I have had to manage technical support teams serving Ireland / UK from India in English, and Canada in French from Moroco and yes . . there are huge variances in the vernacular. But hey, it adds to the fun !

You got me going there a bit at first, apologies, I was at the Vat !

Kev

LesterPiglet · « **Reply #17 on:** August 22, 2013, 02:36:59 PM »

Quote from: vfourfreak on August 22, 2013, 01:48:33 PM

Absolutely correct, there is a huge depth and breadth here. I have found this forum to be excellent with respect to understanding SOHC Hondas better, but frankly I am really here for the great and interesting members worldwide with a rich and varied background. Professionally I have had to manage technical support teams serving Ireland / UK from India in English, and Canada in French from Moroco and yes . . there are huge variances in the vernacular. But hey, it adds to the fun !

You got me going there a bit at first, apologies, I was at the Vat !

Kev

Can I say Frogs yet?

vfourfreak · « **Reply #18 on:** August 22, 2013, 02:42:41 PM »

Oui Les,
you may ! Hopefully no frogs in the Vat. And you were correct about those ridicolousssss stickers on zee casques , thanks for the "heads up" ! Mercifully I am fully in breach of the low ! So no change there.

Cordialement mon ami de Bangor,

Kev

Retro Rocket · « **Reply #19 on:** August 22, 2013, 02:52:50 PM »

Quote from: vfourfreak on August 22, 2013, 12:39:56 PM

Quote from: Doctor_D on August 22, 2013, 12:23:23 PM
Quote from: vfourfreak on July 30, 2013, 04:53:05 PM
In my eyes if it is a spade, then it's nothing other than a spade, and I'll always call it that.

That, my friend, is a statement that was historically directed at people of color. It meant that, as a group, people of a certain ethnic heritage would always be inferior, criminals, etc. -- regardless.

Be careful which bromides you toss around, as some were deliberate tools of oppression.

Not where I come from mate ! A Spade is just the posh name for a shovel. In English/English and Irish/English it is a well known saying and nothing to do with statements with regard to colour or race or religion. Your history is not my history. Be carefull of tarring everyone with the same brush. Not that that was ever an Irish custom either. Or French for that matter.
Kev

Calling a spade a spade also means, to point out the obvious, another good one is a fanny, in the US you poop out your fanny, if that happened here no one would be having sex with women ever....

Yep, front bum here....

Oh, fcuk political correctness.....

LesterPiglet · « **Reply #20 on:** August 22, 2013, 02:58:29 PM »

Yep. I thought a fanny pack was a penis.

Retro Rocket · « **Reply #21 on:** August 22, 2013, 03:05:04 PM »

Quote from: LesterPiglet on August 22, 2013, 02:58:29 PM

Yep. I thought a fanny pack was a penis.

Or 2....

vfourfreak · « **Reply #22 on:** August 22, 2013, 03:45:00 PM »

Or more if you find a lady who is equally conversant with the UK / Oz and American definitions of "Fanny". I crack (!) up laughing here regularly as that is a common name in France for a young lady !!!

Kev

LesterPiglet · « **Reply #23 on:** August 22, 2013, 03:50:08 PM »

Nice bit of fanny.

Retro Rocket · « **Reply #24 on:** August 22, 2013, 03:55:24 PM »

Quote from: LesterPiglet on August 22, 2013, 03:50:08 PM

Nice bit of fanny.

Or crumpet....

Frostyboy · « **Reply #25 on:** August 25, 2013, 03:56:23 PM »

This all reminds me of a young bloke who had a bad memory for names. He'd met a girl named Fran. So he could remember her name, he kept repeating Fanny with an "r", Fany with an "r". He went to her house to take her on a date. Her father answered the door. The young bloke said "Hello, is Crunt in?"

News:

Author Topic: Three Italian nuns (Read 4135 times)