Ah smoke. It's worth bottling.
Here's a good theory regarding the contents of that bottle:
A Treatise on the Importance of Smoke by Joseph Lucas.
All electrical components and wiring harnesses
depend on proper circuit functioning, which is
the transmission of charged ions by retention
of the visible spectral manifestation known as
"smoke". Smoke is the thing that makes electrical
circuits work. Don't be fooled by scientists
and engineers talking about excited electrons
and the like. Smoke is the key to all things
electrical.
We know this to be true because every time one
lets the smoke out of an electrical circuit, it
stops working. This can be verified repeatedly
through empirical testing. For example, if one
places a large copper bar across the terminals
of a battery, prodigious quantities of smoke are
liberated and the battery shortly ceases to
function. In addition, if one observes smoke
escaping from an electrical component such as
a Lucas voltage regulator, it will also be
observed that the component no longer functions.
The logic is elementary and inescapable! The
function of the wiring harness is to conduct the
smoke from one device to another. When the wiring
harness springs a leak and lets all the smoke out
of the system, nothing works right afterward.
Starter motors were considered unsuitable for
British motorcycles for some time largely because
they regularly released large quantities of smoke
from the electrical system.
It has been reported that Lucas electrical
components are possibly more prone to electrical
leakage than their Bosch, Japanese or American
counterparts. Experts point out that this is
because Lucas is British, and all things British
leak. British engines leak oil, British shock
absorbers, hydraulic forks, and disk brake systems
leak fluid (even after soaking ones nuts in the
fluid), British tires leak air and British
Intelligence leaks national defense secrets.
Therefore, it follows that British electrical
systems must leak smoke. Once again, the logic
is clear and inescapable.
Sometimes you may miss the component releasing
the smoke that makes your electrical system
function correctly, but if you sniff around you
can often find the faulty component by the
undeniable and telltale smoke smell. Sometimes
this is a better indicator than standard electrical
tests performed with a volt-ohm meter.
In conclusion, the basic concept of transmission
of electrical energy in the form of smoke provides
a clear and logical explanation of the mysteries
of electrical components and why they fail.
"A gentleman does not motor about after dark."
- Joeseph Lucas, 1842-1903
