Topic: Woman at work: The most terrible thing in existence?

[fendersrule]

So I've begin my career working for a large, famous corporation. Been there for almost 3 years.

The company I work for has amazing people, without a doubt. Some of the best people around. This "woman" who I will name "Carol" is someone that I used to get a long with, but for the past 1.5 years, it's been extremely harsh territory. Basically, we have to interact together because she documents my designs, in short.

This person is very passive aggressive. As in, things may be calm and great, and then all of a sudden you are approached and yelled at for doing something wrong, however minor it may be. Sometimes you've done nothing wrong, and it was an error on her part. Sometimes the things you are yelled at for are things that are in her job description. There's a bit of a misalignment with job descriptions which I feel is the crux of the issue.

But anyways, this person is very hostile and aggressive. You can just see her face sweltering with veins. One of those people in which her job is her entire life. Also, she's never been married and she is nearly 50 years old. That probably says a lot right there in trying to build a picture of what this person is.

She's stood up and yelled at me from across the workspace, in front of co-workers a couple of times. I've had a contractor approach me after work and tell me that he's not sure he would want to work here internally because of this treatment. There's been an instance or two where I can overhear her in the workspace talking about me. Just last week, she approached another coworker and yelled at him. I'm the type of guy that it's hard for me to yell at someone. It's just not in my character. My reaction has been to just "take it", smile, and do the best I can.

Being what I consider a "kind" person, I have tried to make amends and be the bigger person. I've tried to initiate a 1-on-1 meeting with her to discuss what's going on, but she blew it off and said her work is more important. I've shared food with her. I've always approached her professionally. But since none of that was working over the course of a year, I've decided there is absolutely nothing I can do but to avoid her, which is a sad way to live in the office. So I've moved my seating to the furthest end of the workspace, and have primarily been communicating with her through email. I've even been considering transferring jobs at several points.

That all ended yesterday. I was approached with hostility, yet again (first time this year) and I decided to tell my manager that it's not working out. I was so shaken that I told him I'm leaving for the rest of the day to get my thoughts back together. My manager approached me twice today and he's been great and is taking this issue very seriously. She's going to be talked to tomorrow by her manager that her behavior has to stop. What surprised me today is that there's been another similar complaint toward her by someone in the office, so it's great to feel that I am not alone. I've even heard from him that her behavior is not "compatible" with her career path. My manager applauded me for not saying anything back to her that would create a catastrophe, but sometimes I felt maybe I should have done that to set up my own boundaries. Oh well, you live and learn.

I'm dead serious in that "Carol" acts like she's on the rag 24/7. My current feelings is that she is still the absolute worst person, ever, in the world.

I post this because I'm going to be updated tomorrow on their conversation. I want to make sure that whatever I say back to my manager that I'm setting up expectations that cannot be broken. This is my one chance to make it right as I don't want to have to bring this issue up again in the future. I know one thing is to fix the job boundaries.

Has anyone else had similar experiences like this?

It just surprises me that someone that's nearly 50 acts like a child.

[LesterPiglet]

Oh dear. Cue the angry posts. 
I've just finished watching Breaking Bad. One word.....ricin.   

[azuredesign]

Oh dear. Cue the angry posts. 
I've just finished watching Breaking Bad. One word.....ricin.   

Yea, you could do the Walt thing! But seriously being percieved as the agressee rather than the agressor is key here. Even if she gets a slap on the wrist, and then starts up again, its a documented problem. Good going and good luck!

[flybox1]

Oh dear. Cue the angry posts. 
I've just finished watching Breaking Bad. One word.....ricin.   

Yea, you could do the Walt thing! But seriously being percieved as the agressee rather than the agressor is key here. Even if she gets a slap on the wrist, and then starts up again, its a documented problem. Good going and good luck!

Agreed.  Document everything.  Her behavioral correction will not last.  She's set in her ways.
If management can't make things happen for the better, go up the chain to HR and let your manager know this is the course you will take.
A hostile workplace is not acceptable.

[Duke McDukiedook]

Like flybox said make sure you document these occurrences with dates in a journal.
Make sure you cya around these types of office cancers.

[Vicman]

You obviously don't work in old skool manufacturing..

 Begin able to complain toan HR dept is a wet dream to me.

[FunJimmy]

Take her out and ply her with Tequila.
That should loosen her up. Get her nice a toasted.
Don't let her drive though. Offer to drive her home.
Then you know what to do. 

Oh, ya, document it!

[tomkimberly]

Get yourself a small pocket tape recorder and use it........

Tom

[martin99]

WTF is the world coming to. In the old days #$%* like this would have been sorted out face to face. You might think your HR is being helpful, but they'll be the same people who will say nothing to her. Everyone's scared of litigation these days.

Have a quiet word in her ear...without witnesses

[Roach Carver]

have you tried keying her car, or stealing her pet? If she has a pet bird don't take it. Those things are annoying. Best to just return it to the wild. Oh yeah, take the typeball out of her type writer or replace it with comic sans. Burn.

[madmtnmotors]

Patience is a virtue, and Diplomacy is an art form all in itself. Sounds like you've handled everything very professionally so far, so stick with it. A lack of professionalism (on her part) should ultimately be her downfall.

[Duanob]

Take her out and ply her with Tequila.
That should loosen her up. Get her nice a toasted.
Take her to a motel room and snap a whole bunch of compromising naked pictures of her.
Oh, ya, document it!
Use them as blackmail to tell her to STFU! 

Fixed it!

[Bob Wessner]

Agreed.  Document everything.  Her behavioral correction will not last.  She's set in her ways.
If management can't make things happen for the better, go up the chain to HR and let your manager know this is the course you will take.
A hostile workplace is not acceptable.

Best advice so far. I spent 35 years in management and sadly encountered my share of these situations including implied violence toward a co-worker. OP mentions it's a large corporation. That being the case they will have (or should) have well documented processes and procedures for this. Tempting as some of the suggested visceral responses might be, I wouldn't recommend any of them. The best outcome is that the behavior is corrected and everyone keeps their job. If that fails, you want to be the one to keep your job. 

[Roach Carver]

I was only kidding. Well not about the bird. Don't take her bird.

[333]

Yeah, pissin' her off more isn't the answer.  It'll only make things worse.

And if the manager can't fix it, then go to HR.  Typically in a large firm, HR has the power to fire, whereas a manager doesn't.

[nccb]

I have a similar coworker at my place of employment.  Its my experience that nothing will be done to her regardless of the complaints.  Good luck living in the twisted world of a woman with a power complex.  It may help if you read back on some old superman comics, you know the one where he goes to bizarro world.  Thats how you need to live the rest of your work-life. ENJOY

[Duke McDukiedook]

Yeah, I worked at a place where a female coworker was allowed to have the run of the roost and she was under me in the hierarchy.
She reported directly to my boss and basically ran the office. I eventually got tired of that BS when I didn't get a promotion I came down there to get so I left. It was a horrible experience and my sanity was pushed to the limit.

[fendersrule]

So she obviously got talked to because she made off in another direction once seeing me in the hall.

I HATE complaining on people. It's always a last resort to me. I started to think I was "tattling", but then I read a great article yesterday. To summarize:

Tattling:

* Putting someone down for the reason of raising you up.
"He's lazy and does far less work than the rest of us."

* Putting someone down for a reason that has no effect to you or your work.
"She comes in late 30 minutes every day"

Telling:

* Anything that has a direct connection to company profit or a safe work environment.

Obviously, the first steps for ANY of the above is to talk directly to the coworker. But when that fails, work up the ladder.

Thanks all. It hasn't been easy for me, but I think things may get easier now that I've been more vocal about this treatment. As always, I agree with documenting events. I've started to "retroactively" document. This has now been reported twice. The first time no action was taken. Second time (today) was when she actually got talked to.

[Bob Wessner]

Good to hear. Hope the environment continues to be a positive one for you.

[jgmmgood]

Gotta agree with NCCB.  Working with women is the worse nowadays.  They have all the power because they are untouchable.  I have one like that here and I have just gone out of my way not to talk to her.  Over 3 years now and I know it drives her crazy, but at least it puts me in a position where I dont have to interract at all.  That is all you can do.....HR will be absolutely useless.  In the mean time, you cant swing a dead cat without hitting a daycare facility in this country.  There were no daycares when I was a kid and most women stayed at home and raised the kids.  Rant over!

[Retro Rocket]

So she obviously got talked to because she made off in another direction once seeing me in the hall.

I HATE complaining on people. It's always a last resort to me. I started to think I was "tattling", but then I read a great article yesterday. To summarize:

Tattling:

* Putting someone down for the reason of raising you up.
"He's lazy and does far less work than the rest of us."

* Putting someone down for a reason that has no effect to you or your work.
"She comes in late 30 minutes every day"

Telling:

* Anything that has a direct connection to company profit or a safe work environment.

Obviously, the first steps for ANY of the above is to talk directly to the coworker. But when that fails, work up the ladder.

Thanks all. It hasn't been easy for me, but I think things may get easier now that I've been more vocal about this treatment. As always, I agree with documenting events. I've started to "retroactively" document. This has now been reported twice. The first time no action was taken. Second time (today) was when she actually got talked to.

A word of advice , be very careful about complaining, if you are seen or perceived in any way as being weak or a whiner {complaining about a woman, i've seen it all before} then you may also be digging your own grave, it can be seen as being weak and soft, not saying that this is what is happening but i have seen many a complainer get the flick and the "perceived" stronger person retained.... Just remember also, there's more than one way to skin a cat....

[LesterPiglet]

I would def have some sort of voice recorder close at hand.

[flybox1]

for now, interact with her as if nothing happened.
Her actions, however trivial you might think they are, if they effect the workplace negatively, especially with vendors or clients, needs to be documented.
You're a guy.  Next time she does something out of line, put your big boy pants on, and in front of at least one other co worker, kindly put her in her place and remind her how it was handled last time. Stand your ground.
Then document what happened and who your witness was....
You'll have someone who can corroborate, and you'll not be a tattler...

[fmctm1sw]

I'm a very quiet person as well but after 22 years in the military I'd never take that kind of attitude toward me.  Especially if it's in front of others.  Wait until the next time she spouts off in front of other employees.  Calmly say, "Um, are you talking to me?" or "I'd suggest you find another tone of voice when you talk to me."  You'll be the workplace hero!

Or corner her when she's alone and ask if there's any reason she's so mean.  Folks like that have to be confronted in one way or another.

[krusty]

Avoid being alone with her at any time. No need for unsubstantiated sexual harassment claims.