Topic: Woman at work: The most terrible thing in existence?

[fendersrule]

Thanks guys. I really appreciate the support. No word yet on anything.

I like all of what's been said, and I'm preparing to speak calmly and be firm to her next time it happens.

I'm still kicking myself in the F*$#ing face for not firmly asserting myself when she has spoke "at" me from across the room months ago. Like I've said, you live and learn.

thanks guys for pulling together on this. Even retro...whom I don't like but he's a best friend compared to this woman. Cheers bro.

[ekpent]

Now that everyone has hopefully put the testosterone down a little I will say that I have had " Lady"  bosses and coworkers that were the best. Guess I am just lucky or my 6'3" frame and long hair is just irresistible. For over 13 years, until the job was eliminated,  I worked for a 'major' food and other product oriented company driving a rig in multiple states and had 2 Lady bosses and 1 male.Glad He got fired but the females were great to work for. My job was very independent but communication was awesome and I enjoyed it very much. Many of the in store merchandisers for the company were female and it was very pleasant when we would meet.
   Maybe I was lucky to not be caught up in office drama with the cubicles and all. I will say Fender that you have some strong convictions on certain things around here and could see where that could transcend into your work environment.Seen a couple come and go during my time.
   Hopefully things will change for you in the 'office' but be a little careful without going to the source first for a little chat or make sure you have some comrades with the same grievance.  .
 

[fendersrule]

Wow, strong convictions here? On a FORUM? Nah. I've had strong disagreements with extremely rude people....

Yes, there are others in the office that has complained about this person. I have yet to have complaints myself in the office (I have asked). The forum must have definitely transcended into my work environment.  You know better than to make that asinine assumption. The Internet well, is just the internet. You shouldn't judge, make any assumptions about a character based on a forum or a dog piling. You're smarter than that ekpent.

[ekpent]

Wow, strong convictions here? On a FORUM? Nah. I've had strong disagreements with extremely rude posts, and I don't take personal attacks lightly.

Yes, there are others in the office that has complained about this person. I have yet to have complaints myself in the office (I've asked). The forum must have definitely transcended into my work environment.  You know better than to make that assumption. The Internet well, is just the internet. You shouldn't judge, make assumptions about a character based on a forum. You're smarter than that.

Safety in numbers and if others are having a problem with her then maybe things will change for you in a positive way. I am out of here though, not into soap operas that much, just sticking up a little for the women I have had the pleasure to work for and with   

[fendersrule]

I hear you. Drama is ridiculous for me, and I will go as far as to avoid people that contain that cancer.

By the way..I'm 6"4...but I don't have long hair. Maybe that's what I need to do. Does a huge mustache count?

[FunJimmy]

Even retro...whom I don't like but he's a best friend compared to this woman. Cheers bro.

Wow, you sure know how to rally the troops!

[BeSeeingYou]

thanks guys for pulling together on this. Even retro...whom I don't like but he's a best friend compared to this woman. Cheers bro.

Nice backhand there dude.

As to your problem.....having been out of high school for 37 years  I have no idea how to respond to mean girls and that kind of stuff.

[Duke McDukiedook]

If she blew off the 1 on 1 heart to heart then she doesn't give a crap about what you think. You reported her bad behavior like you should have after you tried to talk to her about her actions.
Avoid her, be pleasant when you do have to interact with her and cya.
If she is doing what you are saying she will have given herself enough rope before long to make her work noose.
Hopefully your manager or HR people have some stones.

[demon78]

Jesus Fender's, you've never been disagreeable to me. I guess I'm losing it. Sigh.
Bill the demon.

[Paul Lowe]

Sounds like a bully and "ALL" bullies are cowards.

Points to being bullied herself. Trouble is as said before it is ingrained and probably deserves pity not hate.

That said call her on everything she does and summon those around you to unite, bullies usually go away and look for easier targets!

[Retro Rocket]

Jesus Fender's, you've never been disagreeable to me. I guess I'm losing it. Sigh.
Bill the demon.

Sure your not an Aussie Bill...

I've had strong disagreements with extremely rude people....

Thats funny, me too....So has the lady at your work........

[nccb]

IDK, if she is your superior this is going to be a continual annoyance.  More than likely she was "talked to," and unless your HR is better than mine, she more than likely was able to explain away her behavior by attributing it to yours.  Cooperate chain of command bull #$%* inhibits the correction of supervisors when the complaint is made by a subordinate.

[fendersrule]

She probably is a "superior" in some ways, but only when it comes to time served at the company. When it comes to the actual job classification, it's likely that I get paid more and do have the upper hand being in my current role.

I certainly don't work under her. She is not my superior on the organizational chart, but management has allowed her  through time to grow her little nest in the office and continue to gather control.

I'm doubtful that most companies have technical writers give due dates and documentation tasks to designers. My guess is that you would find it the other way around.

I would like to add that I have worked WITH and FOR some amazing women. I mean flat out amazing. I have worked WITH and FOR men and had great experiences (except for one "temporary" supervisor which eventually got fired for being a prick). My point is that if you ever get in a pickle with a "bad" woman at the office, nothing else compares.

[seanbarney41]

My point is that if you ever get a pickle in with a "bad" woman at the office, nothing else compares.

ftfy

[dave500]

i used to install cable years ago,the office/warehouse lady was the boss/owners old friend of the family,she was a cow and very loud etc,one guy set her up,(he was the only employee installer the rest of us were contractors)he knew she reported what everyone did to the boss,she hated everyone,she was just unpleasant full stop,this guy set her up by telling another co-worker so she could overhear that he had already rang his first install customer and they wont be home till a certain time so hes going to sit at macdonalds for two hours untill their home,ha!the boss rings him up and says what are you doing at macdonalds ive just seen your van parked there etc and why havent you been working,he replies ive havent been to a macdonalds for years and ive already done two installs etc,one time someone stuck a funny note on the ladies restroom door and she blamed me for it,i just said if i did that it wouldve been much ruder than that find some one else to blame!she was a bully,theres no need for that #$%* at work,a few guys were really scared of being sacked etc from what #$%* she might say or make up,i was a pretty fussy installer,if you got a defect notice she would gloat,she put one in my tray one day,trouble is it was for some one else,when i started reading it it out loud she goes at the top of her voice,thats not for you and you shouldnt be reading it!so i stopped and said have you made a mistake then as she snatches it away!dumbarse #$%*,no one needs that #$%*,i can most handle anything though,some people cant and its not fair to down tread them,when i finished up working there as the contract went elsewhere i drove my v8 car not my van into the warehouse to drop of the unused cable/splitters/f connectors etc,when i pulled out i dropped an almighty smokey wheelie to shame a volcano as she was standing nearby,she will hate her life to her death,just one of those people.

[Terry in Australia]

As much as I'm sympathetic to anyone who's been bullied at work, there's always two sides to every story. Just saying.

[faux fiddy]

Agreed.  Document everything.  Her behavioral correction will not last.  She's set in her ways.
If management can't make things happen for the better, go up the chain to HR and let your manager know this is the course you will take.
A hostile workplace is not acceptable.

+1  on all that and plus 2 on documentation itself.


Well beyond that  it's because she likes you , of course. Euck her.

[faux fiddy]

unless your HR is better than mine, she more than likely was able to explain away her behavior by attributing it to yours.  .

HR sucks in any situation.  Unions are useless or even  make it worse. You get in a Eucked up situation with a gov't job,  and the union scumbag  is at least of pretending to help, instead of just flat out saying "I have a conflict of Interest and I am forbidden from representing you no matter how much you pay me a month"; And no it's not political to comment that they gave $60 million to pay  Hillary campaign  debts long after she clearly  could not win last time. Just a plain fact.

Glad to know I could help hiller out with that extra $60 m she received through my ass-f-me union.  She never could have won '08, but maybe she stashed some away in the war chest so she runs next time. God help us and the free world if she  wins.

[Killer Canary]

As much as I'm sympathetic to anyone who's been bullied at work, there's always two sides to every story. Just saying.

Three sides: yours, mine and the truth
I do my best to live by this, since I got old anyway.
I still need to work at it though.

[Terry in Australia]

As much as I'm sympathetic to anyone who's been bullied at work, there's always two sides to every story. Just saying.

Three sides: yours, mine and the truth
I do my best to live by this, since I got old anyway.
I still need to work at it though.

Yep, as a manager, I've had to mediate over various feuds and it's very rare indeed that there's not fault on both sides, and there are very few genuine "Victims".    

[AJK]

Topics like this just bring back bad memories for me. I now work for myself, make heaps less money and now a lot happier. If i stayed at my previous well payed job, in similar psychopathic circumstances as mentioned, i would have had a coronary by now.

Psychopathy exists not only in women but in men also. The problem is that the psychopath gravitates into higher positions of power, or as we say "gets promoted out of harms way". The problem becomes compounded where the psychopath's boss is also a psychopath, perhaps an even bigger one (and more quieter). The key for us is to be able to spot them early and stop them from becoming your boss, or at least dont work for them.

I'm not making a blanket statement here, I have also worked for awesome bosses in the past & though, wow, what a top bloke. But these days it seems more the other way around, esp in the corporate world.

A 'normal' person, doesn't seek power and greed, so naturally is happy to do his days work & come home. The psychopath on the other hand is relentless and stops at nothing until they get what they want. Just like a baby that screams until they get their bottle, some people never come out of this infant stage of life, never maturing in any capacity.

I'll ask a simple question here to get the minds pondering. Did todays world just come by chance? or was there another hand at play that changed it in the last 30 to 40 years to make it the way it is now?

Years ago, a bad apple was stiffed out and dealt with the old fashion way. Today, its considered normal (even desirable) to have these kinds of people in positions of power. What went wrong?

Again, not all bosses are psycho's & those who are not deserve to lead people and manage. They have the right qualities to improve the world through good leadership & can be admired. You need management (albeit good managment).

So, the solution is to screen a psychopath *first* before appointing them into position. Once we adopt this, the system will start to correct itself. The problem is that how can a psychopath become screened, when the one appointing them is also a psychopath? You get the picture.

My personal situation was that i had psycho's all the way up the chain. I voiced my greivances to no avail. My grievances were actually relating to technical safety issues with a product that was about to go on sale, thus preventing down the road litigation. I was actaully trying to help them. Seems management was not interested. I gave up in the end. There is only so long you can talk to brick walls.

What are the old sayings?
  "All it takes for evil to prevail is for good men to do nothing."
  "Give em an inch and they take a mile"

You know why HR has such a bad reputation. Because well, they are HR.

[seanbarney41]

AJK, you have got it right on.

[kghost]

"One clue that a person is attempting to intimidate or manipulate you is the use of unpredictable, or protean, behavior—acts that are random and seemingly out of the blue. A dictator keeps his minions guessing—and scared. Some forms of despotism are much subtler: Duke Ellington was known for provoking heated rivalries and feuds among his bandmates in the belief that such strife would make the music hotter.

Erratic behavior is a powerful weapon because it defies accurate prediction. Often, the behavior comes as a surprise even to the person generating it.

Flying into a rage or staring you down and dismissing you summarily are common strategies to keep you off-kilter. Unpredictable actions serve the purpose of confusing potential usurpers and avoiding responsibility. Your boss freaks out, throws things and yells. Some might call him irrational. But the irrationality gives him a leg up"

Read this Article as it will help you:
http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/200609/dealing-difficult-people

[AJK]

True kghost,

Hitler used many of the techniques you mention. He would talk real soft so as to get everyones attention so they could listen to him carefully, then blast away suddenly on the message for the day.

Psycho's make up a small percentage of the population, perhaps ~ 5 % or so, but they are highly effective at manipulation and invoking feelings of guilt in their victims, while they chuckle away like a demon possessed. The truth of it is is that they have an abberated mind, but when compared to themselves, they think they are a cut above the rest.

We wonder why the world isn't getting any better in relation to psycho's, its because they are still with us. You see, the mental asylums are not full of psycho's, they are full of its victims. Once they have their head done in, thats where they end up. So nothing gets any better. The root of the problem remains with us. They come in many forms, mostly in suits these days.

Funny thing about Psycho's is that once they are done feeding on you, they turn on themselves.

Re HR, a colleage of mine was once told this by HR in a pay review. For real.
  "If we give you a pay rise, you wouldn't know what to do with the extra money"

In the end, at a fundamental level, these are actaully spiritual problems, but that takes the topic deeper into another level (and another topic).

Hopefully the system/agenda will change one day. I'm still hopefull, but I'm not holding my breath.

[Killer Canary]

I took a two week H.R. course awhile ago and the most baffling discovery I made was that companys reward blind loyalty to the party line over ability and qualifications. Mind blowing! I could only ask myself "how and when did all of this come about"? My father's earliest advice to me was that if you work hard and persevere, you will advance; in his day I'm sure that was true, but it took me a long time to figure out that it isn't any more. Thus most employers get exactly what they ask for, plenty of mediocre management. The only solution I've found is to work in small (eg, fewer than ten employees) firms. The less politics the better. I'll work for lower pay in a healthy environment.
The policy of rewarding abject obedience over intelligence is what makes Mr.Harper tick.