Topic: My Dad's Current Situation Isn't Better

[bill440cars]

    My Dad was in the hospital, this time, for Congestive Heart Failure. This is the 2nd time I know of, that he has had this.  The last time was 7yrs ago. Anyway, he went in, a week after getting released after dealing with pneumonia. So, Day before yesterday, I was introduced, at the hospital, to a lady from Arkansas Hospice. My thoughts immediately week to what I knew about Hospice and that was they were there, when a patient was getting near the end and I told her my thought. She reassured me that that wasn't always the case and that they were NOW, also working with families, kind of like a more involved Home Health Care. So, I relaxed and listened to what she had to say. It all sounded so good and made me feel more relaxed that my Dad was on his way to recovery. So, equipment was delivered and setup yesterday, then he was brought home by a Hospital van (our area had been hit by an Ice Storm (Freezing rain and Sleet), an Arkansas Hospice Nurse came a li9ttle bit later and checked my Dad out and getting info to put him in the system. So, last night, my Dad had some more bad breathing problems and pain. Called the Hospice Nurse on call and she told us what to do and came out, with a medicine to help him relax, breathe easier and get some sleep (also giving him a water pill, as he still had fluid in his lungs as well as his heart. Now, suddenly she tells us that patience's who are near the end, have a rough time like this and that he still had the fluid there and the hospital had done all they could do. Now THIS is the first time I had been told this and I assumed that he was getting to the point to where he would be past his problem and we could get on with things. No One at the Hospital told me that his remaining time, was coming down to the end. Needless to say, I am CERTAINLY not happy about this. Now, today, a prescription was turned in for liquid morphine to help him with pain and breathing. That hospital, who had taken such good care of him in the past, in my opinion, has REALLY let me down by NOT telling me what was REALLY going on! I don't know if they thought I wouldn't be able to handle it and make a huge scene or what! I AM an Adult after all and I KNOW that no one lives forever. I have already lost my Wife, my Mom, my Sister and both sets of Grandparents. And so, it appears like my Dad is starting to go that way, as well. I just wanted to keep you all informed and ask, once again, for your Prayers for my Dad. There will be alot of History Gone, when he leaves us. Thank you ALL. 

[honda_dog]

I'm sorry for the news.  Having lost both parents in the past few years, I can sympathize with you on your dad's condition. It's unfortunate that the hospital was not forthcoming in their evaluation of your Dad's condition. I have, however, dealt with hospice companies on both my Mother & Father's last days. They have a different way of looking at things than the doctors and nurses at the hospital do..... they're job is to make the patient comfortable and prepare the family for the worst circumstances. I can't tell you how to feel, but I would cherish the remaining time you have with your Dad and make sure he knows how you feel about him, so when he does go, he can be at peace.

Our prayers are with you and your family.

[bill440cars]

I'm sorry for the news.  Having lost both parents in the past few years, I can sympathize with you on your dad's condition. It's unfortunate that the hospital was not forthcoming in their evaluation of your Dad's condition. I have, however, dealt with hospice companies on both my Mother & Father's last days. They have a different way of looking at things than the doctors and nurses at the hospital do..... they're job is to make the patient comfortable and prepare the family for the worst circumstances. I can't tell you how to feel, but I would cherish the remaining time you have with your Dad and make sure he knows how you feel about him, so when he does go, he can be at peace.

Our prayers are with you and your family.

      Thank you, so much. Yes, I have lost quite a few over the years myself. Up til now, my Mom, my Sister, both sets of Grandparents and also, my 1st Wife amd till I had remarried, my main family consisted of my Daughter, my Dad and my Forum (several car & motorcycle forums) Brothers & Sisters.

[MrGardman]

Really sorry to hear this Bill. Keep your chin up...know we are thinking of you.

[raymond10078]

Due to the HIPAA laws of recent years - have you been designated (i.e., has your father given written permission) to release his medical information to you?  Times have changed - unless such permission has been granted, you may not get the full story - ever.

[bill440cars]

Really sorry to hear this Bill. Keep your chin up...know we are thinking of you.

      Thank you, it has really been a roller coaster and getting more downs than Ups, recently. Although, today my Dad is more alert, more himself and actually could help us to help him, by being able to raise himself up off of the bed, so I could help him take care of his personal needs. I'll take all of those days, I can get. Though ALL the time we can have with him, will be good. Thanks for posting.

Due to the HIPAA laws of recent years - have you been designated (i.e., has your father given written permission) to release his medical information to you?  Times have changed - unless such permission has been granted, you may not get the full story - ever.

Yeah, HIPAA has really changed things alot. But, I am his Power Of Attorney & Health Care Proxy. And, I knew of the "power Of Attorney" thing, but did not know about the Health Care thing, until Bobby R (I believe) told me about that. And, when I say that my Family here helped me tremendously, I am not exaggerating one bit. I owe these Folks alot!  I don't know exactly WHY I wasn't told about the reason they were releasing him, I can only assume that they thought one of them had told me. I guess?  BTQW, thanks for your support and posting.   

[bill440cars]

      While my Dad's condition seems to have improved somewhat, he still has the problem with the Congestive Heart Failure. We are doing what we can, to make it better for him and he seems to be easier to calm down, when he gets stirred up. When he gets the urge to go to the bathroom, he tries to climg over the bed rail, but I had bought a monitor, after he went to the bathroom one night back in October I believe, and he fell while coming back to bed and gouged out a large place on his right arm. We knew then, that we needed a better way to keep up with what he was doing, when we weren't right there. For awhile, since we got him home this time, he was only sleeping and we couldn't get him aroused enough to est. Even when we could get a response from him, he said he wasn't hungry. But, for the last day or 2, his appetite has picked up somewhat. At least he hasn't gotten as angry as he was, for awhile. at this point, it is really hard to tell, just how it's going to go. The Arkansas Hospice left a folder, with some pamplets and a little book, on what to look for, as far as when the time was coming, for the patient to pass on. Michelle & I read that book and saw some of the things he was going through, in there. But SOME of those things, we had seen him doing, about a month ago (Like trying to carefully pick small designs off of his quilt).  At this point, I am just not sure how this is going to go or how long it will go like this. You hear of some folks saying that They wish they could have had more time with the Loved One, before they passed and then again, when a Loved One passes quickly, it is said "Well, at least they didn't suffer".  All I know is, it never gets to be something that is easy to handle.      Sorry, I just had some things on my mind and needed to ramble, I guess.  Thanks for listening. Hope you All have a good day.   

[HondanutRider]

All you can do Bill is take it one day at a time and be thankful for each.  Seems like that's what you are doing.  Don't ever regret...thoughts and prayers are with you.

[bill440cars]

All you can do Bill is take it one day at a time and be thankful for each.  Seems like that's what you are doing.  Don't ever regret...thoughts and prayers are with you.

  Thank you, for that. He seems to be slowly improving, but he's not exerting himself in any way though and that is when I think we will see just how well he is or isn't doing, when we get to the point to where we start trying to get him up now and then, for therapy. Yes, time will tell.
   

[faux fiddy]

Had the same rollercoaster with my pops. He had chf  diagnosed   for some time.

He went in unconscious and I left it for others to decide, which I think Dad would have said let me go die in my chair.  I called for a friend of his to come take him to the hostpital, but we needed emt's. From there the only response I saw when they stuck a thermometer up his butt.

Pretty sure He would have had me do something different. As it were the people that decided (POA) kept him puffed full of air on a respirator until he came out of it, so he had his eyes open while they came to town and began cleaning out his accounts.  And then a couple more days after he was conscious they continued with the respirator.  He pointed, and I knew he was saying "get this goddamn thing out of my throat."  They took it out, and I thought he would eventually come home. Sure wish he would have, but I'm not sure all the hospital discomforts were the best thing and I think he could have just snoozed away in his chair a couple weeks earlier.

Made me think about filing a DNR order somewhere, and he may have had one after seeing mom go through it.

[bill440cars]

Had the same rollercoaster with my pops. He had chf  diagnosed   for some time.

He went in unconscious and I left it for others to decide, which I think Dad would have said let me go die in my chair.  I called for a friend of his to come take him to the hostpital, but we needed emt's. From there the only response I saw when they stuck a thermometer up his butt.

Pretty sure He would have had me do something different. As it were the people that decided (POA) kept him puffed full of air on a respirator until he came out of it, so he had his eyes open while they came to town and began cleaning out his accounts.  And then a couple more days after he was conscious they continued with the respirator.  He pointed, and I knew he was saying "get this goddamn thing out of my throat."  They took it out, and I thought he would eventually come home. Sure wish he would have, but I'm not sure all the hospital discomforts were the best thing and I think he could have just snoozed away in his chair a couple weeks earlier.

Made me think about filing a DNR order somewhere, and he may have had one after seeing mom go through it.

        I hear you, loud and clear. My Mom and Dad both would just rather go, if they couldn't have a decent quality of life. My Mom passed in Feb of '02 and my Dad was found to have an anurism, back in '08 and when I explained to him, the situation (Doctor had told me that they didn't even want to go in and check it out, as they were afraid he wouldn't survive that, given his health and the Doctor told me to get a decision on whether he wanted the DNR order or not). So, I sat down and explained it to my Dad. Then, HE said, "You Decide, That's what I Have You For (you see, I am His POA). So, I told him that I KNEW my Mom wasn't wanting to be Kept alive with a machine and I figured he was the same way. Dad just smiled and said, See, THAT'S Why I Have YOU! So, yes we have the DNR order. Now, since we went through all of that, back then, when his heart beat dropped down to about 20 beats a minute and he had a stroke, a Temp. Pacemaker was put in place and we had to make a decision. The Doctor looked to me, for that decision, but my Dad was awake and seemed alert enough, so I put the question to him and he said he wasn't ready to go yet. So, I said for them to do it. The got me to the side and said that I didn't really have to ask him, since I was his POA and I informed the Doctor that, as long as I felt my Dad was able to give input on his treatment, I was going to allow him to do so. Now, if he was talking out of his head and now really with it, I would have to do what I thought was best. I totally feel for what YOU and Your Dad went through. And, as for the POA clearing out accounts and such, that was what was going to happen to my Dad, til my Dad and I managed to turn things around (fortunately he was with it enough, that we COULD do that). I shudder to think about how different things would have been otherwise. And my (blood related only) brother and his wife (wife #5) were headed in that direction, but we "[blew Them Away"! Dad is on an oxygen concentrator and meds. He IS still kept in the bed, but we are home and, in a few more days, the therapist is going to start working with him, to see if we can get him up on his feet again. He tells me he is feeling pretty good and he is taking his meds and eating pretty well. We are praying that he can at least get back to the point, before he came down with the pneumonia. But, time will tell.  Thanks again, for your input, always good to hear from you, btw.     

[78 k550]

Hope he gets better like before. I'm sure it is tough to get all that strength when your of that age. I hope he pulls out of it.

Paul

[750cafe]

You appear to have lost almost everyone. 
Hoping that you and your dad can do whatever together for as long as God sees fit.
Prayers are headed your direction as well as to your father.
You will never be alone as besides God, you will always have your memories and your friends that can be found here.

Eric

[bill440cars]

Hope he gets better like before. I'm sure it is tough to get all that strength when your of that age. I hope he pulls out of it.

Paul

            Thank you, Paul. He seems to be doing pretty good, but we'll get a better idea of just how well he IS doing, when we start trying to see if he can get back up and getting around the house some, with assistance from the therapists. Yeah, I too, hope he can get back to the condition he was in, before the pneumonia and 2nd round of Congestive Heart Failure hit him. Yeah, he IS up there, will be 89, if all goes well. Almost to 90 and, to think, he was skeptical about getting past 63, cause that's how old my Granddad was, when he passed away. Always good to hear from you, Paul. 

[bill440cars]

You appear to have lost almost everyone. 
Hoping that you and your dad can do whatever together for as long as God sees fit.
Prayers are headed your direction as well as to your father.
You will never be alone as besides God, you will always have your memories and your friends that can be found here.

Eric

       Yes, before I got remarried in June of 2012, my main Family had gotten down to my Daughter, my Dad and myself. But, (after losing my Wife in 09) I remarried in June of 2012 and gained a large Family from that and I am being accepted with open arms and THAT feels great!

      Yes, it IS up to whatever God has in mind for my Dad (and Me, for that matter). My Dad seems to be doing better. He is sleeping well, eating well and taking his meds. He, of course, still has very poor short term memory and even though we have to tell him things over and over, he hasn't gotten into a bad mood or anything. When we came home from the hospital, we were given a prescription for something to help him sleep through the night and so far, I have not had to use it. He SEEMS to be adjusting quite well. As I said, we will know more about how he is doing, when the therapists starts getting him up some, to see if he will be able to get to where he can get out of bed and move around some, without losing his breath and hurting so much. Before he went into the hospital with the heart failure, just a short trip from the bed to the bathroom and back, would just wipe him completely out and take at least 30-45 minutes, to get over it and THAT was with me boosting his oxygen from 2.5 to 3 liters. And his bathroom was less than 5 feet away! That was so traumatic, seeing him like that. And God was involved with the decision for Michelle and me to get involved and get Married. There was just so much that happened to show us, that we were meant to be married and those signs were from God.
   
     Thank you, so much for your input here and my God Bless you.

[750cafe]

Seeing you happy again with a new(er) family probably affected your dad in a positive direction more than you think.
You probably gave him a boost for sticking around.     Amen

Eric

[bill440cars]

Seeing you happy again with a new(er) family probably affected your dad in a positive direction more than you think.
You probably gave him a boost for sticking around.     Amen

Eric

      I certainly Hope So. I never even thought of that possibility. Thank you, for your insight. I know it sure helped ME, to get married again and be a Family man again. I just am not a "Singles Type". And Michelle has helped me SO much.   And you will get a Definite Amen Brother!        Thanks for your input here.   

[faux fiddy]

Here's a link that has a good interview from this weekend with Jim Beam's grandson. He describes his  Dad's battle with diabetes.  The Doctors wanted to remove a leg, and he said enough is enough.

He picked quality of life over quantity of life, and as his friends say, he was a rare person who attended his own wake.

http://themoth.org/posts/episodes/1407

Good Stuff.

[bill440cars]

Here's a link that has a good interview from this weekend with Jim Beam's grandson. He describes his  Dad's battle with diabetes.  The Doctors wanted to remove a leg, and he said enough is enough.

He picked quality of life over quantity of life, and as his friends say, he was a rare person who attended his own wake.

http://themoth.org/posts/episodes/1407

Good Stuff.

   Yeah, I agree. That Was something. Thanks for posting.

[bill440cars]

  Well, I guess we are moving to another stage (or whatever) of my Dad's condition. Been having to start giving him something to help him sleep through the night and so we can try to rest up to take care of him through the day. Had planned for us all to get out this weekend, but doesn't look like that is going to be possible. He is getting (what I guess you would call) VERY Dillusional? In other words, he seems to be losing touch with reality. In his current state, I can't even have any kind of conversation with him. I have no idea, if this is just a problem he is having today or if it is a sign of what we are going to be facing as he goes through this. When I think of how he was, for as long as I can remember, THIS really sets me back. I just Pray that he doesn't suffer, til the Lord takes him home.   

[bill440cars]

  Well, now days, we just try to take care of my Dad's needs, keep him safe and dread each step of this stage, as it comes (or Will come). Talking and acting really out of it and last night, he managed to pull the bed alarm activation pad out and was sitting there in the bed holding it, when I got to his room and he was just grinning, like he had caught a huge fish or something. We have a monitor in our bedroom, to try and keep up with him, but we had both been exhausted and were sound asleep, til that alarm went off. Just has me wondering what's next. He Does have some good times, or at least he has til now. He has had some pretty close calls, but we always managed to get him taken care of. Not sure how THIS is going to go now though.   

[azuredesign]

Rough road Bill, sorry to hear your news.
I have read a little about your family antipathy, but it sounds like it's getting to the point where one might consider a nursing facility, if it doesn't cause a war with your brother et al.

My dad tried to make me promise that I would never place him in an institutional setting, but what I promised was that I would not do so against his wishes, which would be so if he was unaware of his surroundings. There are many kind and caring facilities nowadays fwiw.

Best wishes!

[bill440cars]

Rough road Bill, sorry to hear your news.
I have read a little about your family antipathy, but it sounds like it's getting to the point where one might consider a nursing facility, if it doesn't cause a war with your brother et al.

My dad tried to make me promise that I would never place him in an institutional setting, but what I promised was that I would not do so against his wishes, which would be so if he was unaware of his surroundings. There are many kind and caring facilities nowadays fwiw.

Best wishes!

  While it has been starting to get somewhat rough, He is under Arkansas Hospice Care, even though he IS at home. I couldn't put him in a nursing home and I guess you aren't up on our "Family" situation. You see, my (related only by blood) brother has no say and isn't considered in any way. He and his wife put my Dad in a nursing home here locally in 2008 and IF my Dad and I hadn't gotten around and gotten a P.O.A. l'd have lost him. But, I had the more current P.O.A. and we got things turned back around and I got my Dad away from my brother and his wife. Something about a nursing home that some aren't aware of is, they can come in and take property, to ensure they get paid, no matter what. And a nursing home won't take Insurance or Medicare. He has good days and he has bad days (though the bad days aren't too bad, but the nights can be hell.  Thank you for the input And the Best wishes Buddy. Appreciate that.

           

[bill440cars]

         Just went through a period of 3 days without sleep. My Dad just could not seem to settle and was almost constantly trying to get out of bed, fussing with us, not eating or taking his meds, then he did, at least, take his meds and eat something. In this situation, we are dealing with all kinds of medications that you hope one of them will at least help him to relax, not be so wound up, breath easier and get a decent amount of sleep. One of us, my Wife, my Daughter or myself, would stay in his room, with another one watching the monitor we have, to be prepared to help in any way needed. So, anytime HE goes without sleeping, so do we (or, at least my wife and I, along with my Dad). Already, I have seen all kinds of behavior from my Dad, that was obviously not him. While it did bother me, to see him act like this, the thing that really shook me, was just a day or 2 ago, he told me that my brother David, deserved everything and I was after his money. That really rattled me, because anyone who knows or has kept up with my Dad's situation that started back around 2007 or 8, knows that David (and his wife Jan) was after what he could get and actually put my Dad in a nursing home to stay, but I came along right behind them and was able to get him out. His mind is straight on that now, but makes me wonder how long that will last? I have heard folks talk about their experiences before, but had not had first hand experience til now. My Mom went through alot, with Cancer, but nothing like my Dad is experiencing. It is hard on us, but I wish HE didn't have to go through all of this.       

[dhall57]

Hey Bill. Sorry to hear this my friend. I could say I know what you, your wife, daughter and Dad are going through, but I have no idea. I can only imagine what it might be like and that that doesn't even come close Im sure. My Mom is 85 and right now she's in very good health for her age. She's on very little medicines of any type and still able to live by herself and still drives also. I hope and pray her health will stay good for a lot more years. My Dad died when I was only 12, I feel I hardley knew him, and didn't have a Dad to grow up with or do things with. I don't have to say this because I know you are, but just be thankful and feel blessed that you've had your Dad here with you all these years. I sure he was a great Dad(Im not saying he was always perfect no one is) but I know y'all did a lot stuff together and have great memories. Looking at some of your older threads im sure thats who you got your love for motorcycles from him and your grandfather. What was it like being around all those bikes growing up? He is a very lucky man to have a son like you to take care of him during his later years.