Author Topic: Quotes of enlightenment (Post Yours) (Read 44435 times)

piefairy · « **Reply #275 on:** July 02, 2018, 08:27:45 PM »

A few I have from over the years

It doesn't matter how hot she is, someone is tired of %^$#*&@ her and putting up with her $h!t

If you had to pay for pu$$^ by the pound, you couldn't afford it.

If its broke, use duck tape. If its still broke, a hammer.

I'll take a beer every 10 minutes until I fall off the bar stool... then every 15 after that.
This was followed shortly by
"I'm not as think as you drunk I am." And the sound of handcuffs closing.

You asked for professionals... they weren't available. You got us.

You can buy better, but you can't pay more.

OldSchool_IsCool · « **Reply #276 on:** July 02, 2018, 08:34:37 PM »

Turning on your lights an siren AFTER loosing the race is just poor sportsmanship!!

OldSchool_IsCool · « **Reply #277 on:** July 02, 2018, 08:40:17 PM »

I passed the random drug test at work today. My dealer has a LOT of explaining to do!

piefairy · « **Reply #278 on:** July 02, 2018, 08:47:35 PM »

She said you need to shave.
He said you first.
Divorce soon followed.

OldSchool_IsCool · « **Reply #279 on:** July 02, 2018, 08:54:55 PM »

He called her a #$%*.
She called him an ambulance.

Mr. Mike · « **Reply #280 on:** July 02, 2018, 09:05:01 PM »

Journeyman to his apprentice;

“Get it as tight as you can, then one more full turn”.

pmanning · « **Reply #281 on:** July 02, 2018, 10:04:54 PM »

From my dad (he was an optimist).

It always gets darker before it turns completely black.

RAFster122s · « **Reply #282 on:** July 02, 2018, 10:55:07 PM »

Who needs Viagra if you have trouble rolling over in the morning because of something stopping you...

Old Moe Toe · « **Reply #283 on:** July 03, 2018, 12:47:44 AM »

If money cannot buy happiness, then please explain motorcycles and beer.

brewsky · « **Reply #284 on:** July 03, 2018, 02:15:12 AM »

Riding motorcycle without saddlebags like wearing pants without pockets

AwesomeCB · « **Reply #285 on:** July 03, 2018, 03:20:01 AM »

If today was Christmas eve and tomorrow was Christmas day,
All I would need is my little sweet rider just to pass the time away.

Robert Johnson - Hell Hound On My Trail

70CB750 · « **Reply #286 on:** July 03, 2018, 03:52:59 AM »

Have no fear of perfection - you'll never reach it.

Salvador Dali

MoMo · « **Reply #287 on:** July 03, 2018, 04:34:01 AM »

absinthe makes the heart grow fonder........Toulouse-Lautrec a stupid MoMo joke

evinrude7 · « **Reply #288 on:** July 03, 2018, 07:10:38 AM »

force + ignorance = results

RAFster122s · « **Reply #289 on:** July 03, 2018, 07:33:35 AM »

When you have 12 lawyers buried up to their necks in sand, then you clearly do not have enough sand.

OldSchool_IsCool · « **Reply #290 on:** July 03, 2018, 01:35:38 PM »

The mathematical formula form the perfect number of motorcycles to own is X+1.

70CB750 · « **Reply #291 on:** July 03, 2018, 01:52:12 PM »

Quote from: OldSchool_IsCool on July 03, 2018, 01:35:38 PM

The mathematical formula form the perfect number of motorcycles to own is X+1.

Same for guns.

calj737 · « **Reply #292 on:** July 03, 2018, 02:03:49 PM »

Quote from: 70CB750 on July 03, 2018, 01:52:12 PM

Quote from: OldSchool_IsCool on July 03, 2018, 01:35:38 PM
The mathematical formula form the perfect number of motorcycles to own is X+1.

Same for guns.

And wives.

Bob3050 · « **Reply #293 on:** July 03, 2018, 02:48:26 PM »

Slicker'n deer guts on a doorknob!
Bob

OldSchool_IsCool · « **Reply #294 on:** July 03, 2018, 05:00:16 PM »

I wonder how much deeper the oceans would be were it not for sponges.

Yamahawk · « **Reply #295 on:** July 03, 2018, 07:10:28 PM »

Those who have the most Brass, usually lack the necessary polish...
Charlie

jgger · « **Reply #296 on:** July 03, 2018, 07:45:38 PM »

But, if you REALLY love me baby...........how come you close your eyes when you tell me?

vfourfreak · « **Reply #297 on:** July 04, 2018, 05:07:13 AM »

"If it was easy, we'd get girls to do it".

Recent admission to Mater Hospital, Dublin.

OldSchool_IsCool · « **Reply #298 on:** July 04, 2018, 08:50:57 AM »

Pro Cooking Tip: Adding coconut oil to kale makes it easier to scrape into the trash.

Bailgang · « **Reply #299 on:** July 05, 2018, 04:59:46 AM »

"Wow, they've got some serious spit swapping going on there"

A comment my dad made when we spotted a loving couple making out in a parking lot.

News:

Author Topic: Quotes of enlightenment (Post Yours) (Read 44435 times)

AwesomeCB