Author Topic: Don't ask, don't tell or full disclosure? Should I tell her or not? (Read 9389 times)

bluezboy · « **on:** July 19, 2014, 06:46:50 AM »

Okay, the final part of restoring Pandora, my 73 750 back to stock is going to take place soon, she will be sporting a set of 341's that my guardian angel, another forum member has kindly sold me. Pandora has always been a point of contention, resentment, hers, not mine and probably some jealousy thrown in the mix.
Since she hates Pandora and hardly notices her parked in the garage, should I just go ahead and not tell her about the pipes and risk her wrath later on if she does happen to notice 4 pipes instead of two, which I doubt she would, or do I tell her now and let her have her cow about how I'm always spending money on Pandora? Have any of you else out there been here?
It doesn't matter either way, those babies are going on Pandora!

Stev-o · « **Reply #1 on:** July 19, 2014, 07:08:16 AM »

If she doesnt have a real interest, no reason to tell.

I'm in the same boat and didn't say a word when I ordered the 4-4 pipes for my Z1.
She did notice the huge box when it arrived and asked what it was.

bluezboy · « **Reply #2 on:** July 19, 2014, 07:11:45 AM »

Yeah, I doubt she'll notice the difference, she didn't even say anything about Pandora's recent paint job!

goldarrow · « **Reply #3 on:** July 19, 2014, 07:15:22 AM »

I never tell. When she asks, I just smile. Another set of Henry Abe came through my front door yesterday, and she didn't say a word!

Stev-o · « **Reply #4 on:** July 19, 2014, 07:15:38 AM »

Quote from: bluezboy on July 19, 2014, 07:11:45 AM

Yeah, I doubt she'll notice the difference, she didn't even say anything about Pandora's recent paint job!

Sounds just like my wife

bluezboy · « **Reply #5 on:** July 19, 2014, 07:18:24 AM »

Misery loves company, that's why we ride!

martin99 · « **Reply #6 on:** July 19, 2014, 07:29:48 AM »

Well, my missus would notice, maybe I'm just unlucky?

I always tell her that if I need new parts I sell stuff on ebay first to raise the cash. She hasn't got a clue what anything is worth and it's worked for me so far.

Of course, I rarely sell anything - just stash it out of sight

bluezboy · « **Reply #7 on:** July 19, 2014, 07:31:53 AM »

If I do tell her, I'm fudging on the price!

flybox1 · « **Reply #8 on:** July 19, 2014, 07:34:20 AM »

If I had a less-understanding wife, I'd probably pay a buddy a stack of cash and have him seed my PayPal acct, but my wife is cool about the CB. She has her hobbies, I have mine, and she knows the cash I spend is not spent down at the pub. I order stuff I need when I need it. As long as the bills get paid, the kids are happy, and family time is just that, she doesn't say anything.
I say don't tell her. How does she know how much a set of 341's anyway ?

bluezboy · « **Reply #9 on:** July 19, 2014, 08:00:24 AM »

Flybox, I've been a good boy throughout our entire marriage, no cheating, excessive drinking, nothing. I'm a great dad, or so I'm told, I've always been here for my family and I've never missed one of our kids birthdays. I don't make a #$%* load of money either, but I do work my ass off, on my various home improvements for clients over the years and on our own home which I've transformed into a very nice looking home. I'm in the process of renovating our bathrooms now, taking up the old tile floor since I can't ride because of the rain.
Yep, she's cluesless about what parts cost thanks God. She doesn't get the whole motorcycle addiction and never will so I feel as long as I behave and come home every night, why the hell not?!

madmtnmotors · « **Reply #10 on:** July 19, 2014, 08:11:58 AM »

If your wife were like mine you'd already be busted. She checks in and reads the forum too! Especially since Sam got hurt, she's met Sam and is genuinely concerned for his well being. Plus she can monitor my antics!

Like you say though, I could be out boozing it up instead of being close to home...

754 · « **Reply #11 on:** July 19, 2014, 08:18:13 AM »

Well if you do ever tell her, make sure it after you give her a ride on it wth the end caps removed..

SohRon · « **Reply #12 on:** July 19, 2014, 08:30:35 AM »

Like they say, it's sometimes easier to ask for forgiveness than for permission. Unless the household is in dire financial straits, I'd just do it and keep my mouth shut!

billingstitan · « **Reply #13 on:** July 19, 2014, 08:46:17 AM »

Funny how this can be such an issue ... do we typically monitor THEIR purchases? I know I don't.

My approach is don't share and don't hide.

She's not interested in my bikes, so, meh ... I'm not going to engage about them to ask permission.

If she got into in-depth discussions about my awesome hobby, then I'd be happy to detail every part and piece i install, just like I do with my bros.

But if the only time interest is to question what I'm buying and how much it costs -- well, F that. I'm a grown-ass-man. I handle my own %$@ and don't need to ask permission. I could be at bars every night instead of the garage.

My philosophy in marriage or relationships is that you have to compromise - constantly - BUT, you also have to draw a line.

For me, there is a clear red line drawn when it comes to motorcycles. They were my passion when I was a kid, they were a passion when we met, and they remain a source of fascination and enrichment in my life even as I near 50 yo.

When the day comes that I can't manage my finances then I will accept some criticism - but I work hard - and this is my coping mechanism, my spiritual practice and my escape.

If I give that up or compromise - well, then I'm not the man she married.

bluezboy · « **Reply #14 on:** July 19, 2014, 08:49:19 AM »

Quote from: SohRon on July 19, 2014, 08:30:35 AM

Like they say, it's sometimes easier to ask for forgiveness than for permission. Unless the household is in dire financial straits, I'd just do it and keep my mouth shut!

Amen brother, that's what I'm inclined to do so far! Madmtnmotors, she's ignorant of this forum so far!

bluezboy · « **Reply #15 on:** July 19, 2014, 08:53:39 AM »

Quote from: billingstitan on July 19, 2014, 08:46:17 AM

Funny how this can be such an issue ... do we typically monitor THEIR purchases? I know I don't.

My approach is don't share and don't hide.

She's not interested in my bikes, so, meh ... I'm not going to engage about them to ask permission.

Well said brother! Riding my bike is therapy for me, without it I am one moody bastard. I'm sure after her blow up, she would get over it. Like Jerry said, it's either my bike or her! If loving Pandora is wrong, I wont' ever want to be right!

If she got into in-depth discussions about my awesome hobby, then I'd be happy to detail every part and piece i install, just like I do with my bros.

But if the only time interest is to question what I'm buying and how much it costs -- well, F that. I'm a grown-ass-man. I handle my own %$@ and don't need to ask permission. I could be at bars every night instead of the garage.

My philosophy in marriage or relationships is that you have to compromise - constantly - BUT, you also have to draw a line.

For me, there is a clear red line drawn when it comes to motorcycles. They were my passion when I was a kid, they were a passion when we met, and they remain a source of fascination and enrichment in my life even as I near 50 yo.

When the day comes that I can't manage my finances then I will accept some criticism - but I work hard - and this is my coping mechanism, my spiritual practice and my escape.

If I give that up or compromise - well, then I'm not the man she married.

Jerry Rxman Griffin aka MuthaF'er · « **Reply #16 on:** July 19, 2014, 10:53:47 AM »

Hey Vern,

Aren't I bringing those pipes with me next week to swap you for something?!

ZERO real cost since it's non-cash??

If you say you bought them you need to low ball the price, say $100. That will be $100 too much probably so you'll probably have to comp her somehow.

bjbuchanan · « **Reply #17 on:** July 19, 2014, 10:59:04 AM »

Quote from: Jerry Rxman Griffin aka MuthaF'er on July 19, 2014, 10:53:47 AM

Hey Vern,

Aren't I bringing those pipes with me next week to swap you for something?! ZERO real cost since it's non-cash??

If you say you bought them you need to low ball the price, say $100. That will be $100 too much probably so you'll probably have to comp her somehow.

If you are actually concerned about this just say you traded your old exhaust for the new one. Say one of the hot shot 'cafe racers' guys had it bad for your exhaust and you made out on the trade. Done deal

dhall57 · « **Reply #18 on:** July 19, 2014, 11:43:41 AM »

Vern congrats on the 341's. You'll love um. They will change the look of the bike completely believe me. Sorry that your wife doesn't support you in your hobby and your love for these old bikes. Its got to make it hard at times. On the other hand Im very lucky my wife is with me 100%. She knows this is my vice and it makes me happy. Its my way of helping me cope with this crazy world we live in today. The last bike I bought several months ago she was the one that saw it on the internet and told me about. Even went with me to the estate sale to check it out. We came home with a 1974 CB750 later that day. After a insane day at work nothing calms me down or relaxes me more than jumping on one of my bikes and get some wind in my face and head down the road. Well let me take that back. Their is one other thing that helps me relax just a little more

bluezboy · « **Reply #19 on:** July 19, 2014, 11:51:27 AM »

Dhall, count yourself as damn lucky brother, I'm jealous! I know I will love those pipes, I've had a bad case of pipe envy since the day I brought Pandora home! And I like the "trading" suggestions guys, I hadn't thought of that one, a very nice solution to my problem! Yeah, a trade and fiddy dollars honey!

bluezboy · « **Reply #20 on:** July 19, 2014, 12:17:36 PM »

Quote from: Jerry Rxman Griffin aka MuthaF'er on July 19, 2014, 10:53:47 AM

Hey Vern,

Aren't I bringing those pipes with me next week to swap you for something?! ZERO real cost since it's non-cash??

If you say you bought them you need to low ball the price, say $100. That will be $100 too much probably so you'll probably have to comp her somehow.

Jerry, just play along with the email I just sent you!

Old Scrambler · « **Reply #21 on:** July 19, 2014, 03:20:17 PM »

Just remember.............it would be a shame if you were GONE.............and she sold everything for what you SAID you paid for it!

Wobbly · « **Reply #22 on:** July 19, 2014, 05:22:29 PM »

I have been with my Honda for 37 years. I have been married for only 22. I can spend as much money on my bike as I feel like, or buy what ever I want to, without encountering any opposition although my wife makes most of the money. Nor could I possibly care less if my purchases find her approval or not. For my 50th birthday, she bought me a new BMW RR. A few months ago, at the dealership, she admired the carbon fairing of the HP4, asking me why mine was not carbon? And so I got that too. Also, she rides for 12, 13 hours a day with me without complaining.
I made two really wise decisions in my life: Buying my CB 750K7 back in 1977, and marrying my wife back in 1992. I love them both, but my Honda, despite its age, accelerates a lot faster than my wife--got more chrome too.

Congrats on the exhaust Vern. Your bike will look awesome with the original four mufflers. And the pleasure you get from your bike is obviously priceless. Just think of your last trip. Money well spend.

bluezboy · « **Reply #23 on:** July 19, 2014, 05:50:50 PM »

Thanks for those words of encouragement Wobbly. Your wife is a rare find indeed never let her get away from you! I would have an heart attack if my wife said something pertaining to me buying something for Pandora! She'll have to deal with those pipes or not, stay tuned.

jtb · « **Reply #24 on:** July 19, 2014, 06:05:40 PM »

Just put em on, Vern. I'm guessing you pulled one of my tricks and hid the money...

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Author Topic: Don't ask, don't tell or full disclosure? Should I tell her or not? (Read 9389 times)

Wobbly