Harley-Davidson Breaks the Sound Barrier
(Milwaukee, WI) Harley-Davidson today announced what they term “The greatest scientific achievement in the history of motorcycling,” the 200 cubic inch Harley-Davidson FHdBL which stands for “Fantastically High Decibel Level.”
Head of Engineering Joe Sordino announced, “We’ve succeeded in turning virtually all of this motorcycle’s power into noise. And that makes us the first manufacturer to offer a motorcycle capable of putting out more than 200 decibels of sound. After decades of trying, it gives us great pleasure to say we have finally broken the sound barrier.”
Once thought to be an unattainable goal, Harley engineers consider the 200dB mark to be their crowning achievement. And it’s not just the engineers who are excited about the breakthrough. Marketing Director Larry Dumas proudly announced, “Louder than a dozen Boeing 747’s taking off at the same time, this motorcycle is sure to attract attention - and buyers. We’ve got the magic numbers. 200 cubic inches, 200 decibels, 200 dollars down and just 200 dollars a month for 200 months. Good credit, bad credit or no credit at all, if you’ve got 200 bucks for us, we’ve got a bike for you.”
But as Sordino points out all that sonic success comes with a price and that price is a very slow motorcycle - even by Harley standards. “When your goal is to turn 90% of the energy in a gallon of gas into noise, there’s not a whole lot left to turn the wheels. After subtracting for power required for turn signals, lighted skulls and other essential accessories, we’re down to about 6hp at the rear wheel. That’s not much for a motorcycle that weighs as almost as much as a dumpster in New Orleans after a hurricane.” When asked about 0-60 times and top speeds, Sordino replied, “Let’s just say we won’t be breaking any speed records. Of course, that’s not really a problem for us because we never have.”
Despite the meager power output, acceleration will be “reasonable” and “in keeping with the desires of the aging Harley demographic” at least according to Harley execs. Director of Product Innovation John Douschebahg said, “Fortunately for us, our customers aren’t concerned about any of that new-fangled crap like performance, handling or computerized wheelie control. Our riders want to HEAR their bikes. And as old as our riders are, that’s not always easy.”
Harley riders were clearly enthused. After seeing a mock up of the prototype at a Milwaukee dealership, one long-time Harley rider stated, “I don’t care what it costs. I just want to hear the roar of the pipes again.” His wife and riding partner of 35 years simply said, “What? What???”
Another rider, browsing a rack of assless chaps and other S&M gear said, “Now I don’t need to drive around for hours just so everyone in Sheboygan can hear me. With a bike like this I can just sit in the driveway and rev it up all day long. And I won’t need to worry about not being able to see the stop signs anymore.”
Meanwhile a Honda engineer, who asked to remain nameless, could only comment, “Do those ^&^%^%$# idiots even know what the sound barrier is?”
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