Hope you haven't tried any of these tricks yet!
Retired Husband
After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Walmart. Unfortunately,
like most men, I find shopping boring and prefer to get in and get out.
Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women—she loves to browse & leaves me with
endless time to fulfill.
Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Walmart:
Dear Mrs. Foster:
Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a bit of commotion in our store. We
cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our
complaints against your husband, Mr. Foster, are listed below and are documented by our
video surveillance cameras:
1. June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts
when they weren't looking.
2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.
4. July 19:Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, “Code 3 in
Housewares. Get on it right away.”
This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from
her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to
lose time; and costing the company money. We don't have a Code 3.
5. Aug. 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway.
6. Aug. 14: Moved a “Caution—Wet Floor” sign to a carpeted area.
7. Aug. 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers
he'd invite then in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding
department, to which twenty children obliged.
8. Aug. 23: When a clerk asked if he could help him he began crying and screamed,
“Why can't you people just leave me alone?” EMTs were called.
9. Sept. 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he
picked his nose.
10. Sept. 10: While handling guns in Sporting Goods, he asked the clerk where
the antidepressants were.
11. Oct. 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the Mission
Impossible theme.
12. Oct. 6: In the auto department he practiced his “Madonna Look” using different
sizes of funnels.
13. Oct. 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled “Pick
me! Pick me!”
14. Oct. 22: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal
position and screamed, “OH, NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!”
15. Oct. 23: Took a box of condoms to the checkout clerk and asked, “Where is the
fitting room?”
16. Oct. 26: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited a while, then yelled very
loudly, “Hey, there's no toilet paper in here!”
One of the clerks passed out.
