Well I'm in Adelaide again this week, for work of course, but hell, Adelaide is such a beautiful place, I probably would have come here anyway.
I flew Virgin Airlines by choice, and I really enjoyed my spacious seat and the friendly attitude of the two old ladies sitting beside me, who took it in turns to go for a wizz every 15 minutes for the entire 90 minute flight, meaning I had to keep getting out of my seat to let them thru. Don't you just love old people? They're great.
I arrived at the Europcar rental counter to pick up the Toyota Camry that someone had ordered for me, but was offered a Renault Koleos for only an extra 10 bucks a day. Hmmnnn, not understanding a word of French I assumed that the lady behind the counter was offering me the French version of a "Dirty Sanchez", so I thought, "Why not", but was even more delighted when I realised that she was referring to such a fine French Automobile.
Now some folks would "throw their hands in the air like they were filled with despair" and mutter things like "What a fcuking piece of Eurotrash", but not me. Hell, I know a guy who owns a 15 year old wog box, and it still goes, so they must be good! Alright, the constant drumming noise which increases with speed can be a mite distracting, and it took me a little while to understand that the ear splitting alarm that went off at every set of traffic lights I stopped at, was to tell me that the car was in "Drive", and so as to not damage the transmission and possibly save a thimble full of gas, I should move the shifter to "Neutral", which is a great idea, especially on hills. Those clever French, what will they think of next?
Of course, the Koleos is a front wheel drive SUV, which is obviously the best kind of car to own, especially on a wet road. Along with the loud mechanical noise and the constant beeping of the transmission alarm, the Renault would entertain me by attempting front wheel burnouts when making turns or changing lanes. Great fun! To further entertain the driver, (in my case, someone who'd never driven one before, but had to battle thru peak hour traffic in an unfamiliar city on my first outing) the power button for the interactive screen is hidden in amongst the radio's controls, obviously as a deterrent to car thieves not versed in the wonders of European cars.
I was lucky that a rather smelly English chap called Nigel who I think either worked for Europcar or perhaps the public service wandered over to help me after I waited for only 20 minutes or so while he smoked a cigarette or two and had a telephone argument with his wife Cheryl, who sounded lovely, if you blanked out the swear words..............
Once you've found the power button (page 177 of the owners manual, under "Audio Controls", thanks Nige!) there is a joy stick thingie that looks like it was designed to honour those wonderful computer games of the 80's, which you use to select between the various functions.
While visually stunning, it's placement on the console between the shifter lever and the arm rest does make for an exhilarating, but sometimes challenging time when trying to change radio stations whilst driving, or use the satnav, which on mine had no audio, so I had to narrate in my best French accent as I drove along. Of course, the only French phrases I know come from Monty Python films, so I had to use "Wipers of Donkeys bottoms" and "We surrender" to fill a lot of gaps.
Anyway, I'm here to help check a load of aircraft spares from the US Navy that were supposed to arrive yesterday, but DHL eventually returned my call this afternoon (well, 11 calls, but who's counting, they're Germans, and not arrogant arseholes at all) to advise that due to bad weather, the ship has been held up for 3 days, so it will be delivered just as I'm getting on the (Virgin again, lucky me!) return flight home on Friday, which means I've effectively wasted a week and several thousand hard earned tax payer dollars, and not only will I spend this week in Adelaide, but next week too! How lucky is that! I'm so happy, I feel like I've died and gone to heaven!
