Topic: Yankee Test

[RevDoc]

Been poking a lot of fun at southern rednecks lately so, it only seems fair that they should have a chance to respond.

Yankee Test

We are sick and tired of hearing about how dumb people in the South are.

We challenge any so-called smart Yankee to take this exam administered by the University of Arkansas Engineering Department:

1. Calculate the smallest limb diameter on a persimmon tree that will support a 10-pound possum.

2. Which of these cars will rust out the quickest when placed on blocks in your front yard? A '65 Ford Fairlane, a '69 Chevrolet Chevelle or a '64 Pontiac GTO.

3. If your uncle builds a still which operates at a capacity of 20 gallons of shine produced per hour, how many car radiators are required to condense the finished product?

4. A woodcutter has a chainsaw which operates at 2700 RPM. The density of the pine trees in the plot to be harvested is 470 per acre. The plot is 2.3 acres in size. The average tree diameter is 14 inches. So, how many Budweisers will be drunk before the trees are cut down?

5. If every old refrigerator in the state vented it's charge of R-12 simultaneously, what would be the percentage decrease in the ozone layer?

6. A front porch is constructed of 2x8 pine on 24-inch centers with a field rock foundation. The span is 8 feet and the porch length is 16 feet. The porch floor is 1-inch rough sawn pine. When the porch collapses, how many hound dogs will be killed?

7. A man owns a Tennessee house and 3.7 acres of land in a hollow with an average slope of 15%. The man has five children. Can each of his grown children place a mobile home on the man's land and still have enough property for their electric appliances to sit out on the front porch?

8. A 2-ton truck is overloaded and proceeding 900 yards down a steep slope on a secondary road at 45 MPH. The brakes fail. Given average traffic conditions on secondary roads, what is the probability that the truck will strike a vehicle with a muffler?

9. A coal mine operates a NFPA Class 1, Division 2 Hazardous Area. The mine employs 120 miners per shift. A gas warning is issued at the beginning of th 3rd shift. How many cartons of unfiltered Camels will be smoked during that shift?

10. At a reduction in the gene pool variability rate of 7.5% per generation, how long will it take a town which has been bypassed by the Interstate to breed a country-western singer?

O.K. -- all you smarties answer up!

[dusterdude]

Number 2 is a trick question,both the chevy and pontiac will rust the same

[calj737]

I believe its been said before, but you never hear of people retiring "Up North"  Now tell me who's smarter, a retiree who spent their entire life shoveling snow, driving on ice, paying crazy high taxes, committing 2-4 hours each day to a job that sucks OR, those who have lived in pleasant weather, have spent time sitting on their porches with friends, family and neighbors, and when they retire they just buy a larger fishing boat and don't have to move anywhere? And all that family land they've held for generations to hunt on has become worth $$$$$ so Yankees have a place to retire to.

Makes you wonder, huh, Doc?

[RevDoc]

I believe its been said before, but you never hear of people retiring "Up North" 

Makes you wonder, huh, Doc?

You're "preachin to the choir", Amigo! Having either lived in, while in private practice or, done contract engineering work, from Conn. to Az and "snow-belt" NY to Fla., I can assure you my current location is only a temporary holding pattern. When I retire for a second time it will be waaay south of the border!

[calj737]

When I retire for a second time it will be waaay south of the border!

Do you mean south of the M-D line? That is now hovering somewhere around Ashland, VA... Used to be MD/PA, but all those dad-gum Yankees keep slithering further south upon us!!! 

[70CB750]

When I retire for a second time it will be waaay south of the border!

Do you mean south of the M-D line? That is now hovering somewhere around Ashland, VA... Used to be MD/PA, but all those dad-gum Yankees keep slithering further south upon us!!! 

Ashland?  I dont think so.  Free State of Fauquier is hardly North.

[RevDoc]

When I retire for a second time it will be waaay south of the border!

Do you mean south of the M-D line? That is now hovering somewhere around Ashland, VA... Used to be MD/PA, but all those dad-gum Yankees keep slithering further south upon us!!! 

I took my professional schooling in S.C. and the class was about 95% Yankees. To be P.C. and not offend anyone I'll modify a question he asked the class very early in the year. "Do you know why N.C. has so many (insert a certain "ethnic group" here) and S.C. has so many Yankees? No? Because N.C. had first pick!" 

No, Cal, it wont be south of the MD, it will be a lot "souther' than that. I'm investigating a couple of places in S. Am. where the cost of living is about 1/4 to 1/3 here in the states and I can ride year round. The obscene sociopaths that have been "the powers that be" have been ruining our economy for so many decades I can't tolerate it any longer. Most of the folks here on the forum are probably too young to remember it but, I can recall when I could feed a family of 3 for a week very well on a $20 bill. Try that now!

What is most ironic is that my family tree traces all the way back to Miles Standish on the Mayflower and things are so obnoxious now that I can no longer tolerate the situation here!

[calj737]

I like Argentina, Doc. Tremendous diversity of terrain, potential for year round riding, dirt cheap comparatively to live there, and an extremely well-educated populous. Too bad about their economy for the sake of the Argentinians, but their plight economically is our gain financially (as retirees). I've been many, many times, and often consider not returning each and every time I go. Strange how much a man will endure simply because his family (wife and kids) are stuck on a different continent.

And their beef is world class!

[RevDoc]

I like Argentina, Doc. Tremendous diversity of terrain, potential for year round riding, dirt cheap comparatively to live there, and an extremely well-educated populous. Too bad about their economy for the sake of the Argentinians, but their plight economically is our gain financially (as retirees). I've been many, many times, and often consider not returning each and every time I go. Strange how much a man will endure simply because his family (wife and kids) are stuck on a different continent.

And their beef is world class!
[/quote

Wow, Cal...we might end up neighbors! I'm seriously looking next door at Uruquay, all for the same reasons except the rough economy. There economy is growing solidly. And a little further away from the earthquake zone of the "Ring of Fire".

Maybe you'll have to lay down the law with the family and tell them if they want to see you they'll have to hop a plane and fly down.

[calj737]

Ashland?  I dont think so.  Free State of Fauquier is hardly North.

Well there are a few pockets of civility left north of Ashland, but by most accounts, it's turned a very blue shade of purple up your way. 

[dusterdude]

True dat