Topic: Thinking of selling out....anyone made a big life change by choice?

[Scott S]

 I usually don't get into the personal stuff on the Interwebs. But this stuff has been on my mind for a while. And I've been trying to figure out a way to talk about it without getting too personal, sounding too whiny, etc. First, a little backstory:

 I've worked since my 16th birthday. I became a parent very young. I was a Father at 19 and a homeowner at 20. I've done it all "The Right Way". I bought and sold homes, financed cars, built credit, saved money, etc.
 About 15 years ago housing was booming and it was a buyers market. I purchased a large, beautiful home in a great neighborhood. I was married at the time and my daughter lived at home. I have lots of toys, including a show quality '63 Bug and a small vintage bike collection. I'm talking magazine feature, Best of Show, Best Paint type of car. I have more motorcycles than one man can ride. I've been at the same high paying job for over 27 years.

 And I hate it.

 A year after buying the house I got divorced. Shortly after that my daughter joined the Army and has been on her own ever since. I've since been through another 10 year relationship and find myself single again. I've got a great new GF that adores me, but I'm skeptical and cautious, as you would expect. (Totally not fair to her....I know...)
 The house was meant to be a dual income home for a family. That's all gone now. I have equity in it and wouldn't quite call myself house poor, but it's a burden now. It was never meant to be just a one person home or mortgage.

 I've been through layoffs and recalls over the past 5 or 6 years. The job seems stable now, but the industry I'm in isn't. After layoffs, recalls, redesigns and reassignments, I find myself working under people that know less than I do. I make more money than I ever did, but I also work a TON of overtime.
 I'm supposed to be in the "gravy years" of my employment. An operator at the top of the line of progression. Getting close to retirement. Now, my pension is frozen, I'm bumped back several spots and I loathe going to work. It's soul sucking.

 I have beautiful vintage bikes. But I also have some unfinished projects and they're nowhere NEAR as fun as they once were. My old GF used to ride. Now, it's just a fleet that needs maintaining. The Bug just sits. If it's nice enough to take the VW out, I'm on a motorcycle instead.

 Some of you are probably saying "STFU". First world problems. What a whiner. And you're right. Trust me, when I'm at work around the humming machinery, earplugs in, its easy to get lost in deep thought. And I think about this stuff a LOT.
 I'm blessed to have a job, let alone a good paying one, being I only have a High School education. I have a roof over my head, I'm never hungry, I have toys on top of toys.

 And every bit of it is just a burden to me now. Everything I've worked for for 30 years is gone; the pension, the promotions, the family, etc. I find myself going "What the #$%* am I doing this for?".
 I think about selling the car, the house, most of the bikes, and just starting over. Maybe finding a job that pays less but doesn't make me sick. A smaller home. One good Do-It-All bike and start really racking up some miles.
 But it's hard. Like I said: this is my life's work. I'd be giving up on 30 years of...stuff. But it's just stuff. Some of it's really nice stuff and I think I'm afraid that I'd never be able to have something that nice again, but when it's not that much fun anymore, what's the point?

 How do you downsize and simplify without feeling like you're making a mistake? How do you decide what to keep and what to let go? Do you stick it out and finish the marathon? Or do you take a leap of faith, do something totally outside your comfort zone and different than you've ever done and make a change?

[madmtnmotors]

Downsize the house while upsizing the garage. A garage with a house attached is my goal. Garage space is typically cheaper than living space per sq ft., that way you can keep the toys since you're dealing with a lesser mortgage! 

[RevDoc]

Scott, as the saying goes, "Been there, Done that, Got the T-shirt!".  And after 2 ex-wives & their scum-bag lawyers got done, I was lucky to have the t-shirt. When it got to the point that I was hearing, "We even want your dreams, boy", I knew it was going to be ugly. 

When I was in private practice I did a lot of counseling, shoot me a PM with your # and a good time for us to talk. I'm confident I can give you some helpful tips.

[754]

First off , how much longer at the job..if you or they or both want to stay.?
Second, can you get a Leave of Absence ?

If you can get the LOA, take 2 months and go on a long ride.. For most of it.. Sooner , not later..Get two days from home or more and stay that far, so you cant run home. Enjoy your time and think about life and see some country..new road every day..Think on what you want to do. Look around ..you may find a place you really like , where you can live for far less than where you live now..
Then if you go back it may be bearable a few more years, and you have something new to look forward to..

 Maybe that could help..

[Scott S]

 FWIW, all the splits have been amicable and I came out smelling like a rose. Financially, at least.

[Scott S]

First off , how much longer at the job..if you or they or both want to stay.?
Second, can you get a Leave of Absence ?

 That's a good question. I'm 49. I've been shooting for age 60 as a retirement goal, if not earlier. BUT...now that the pension is frozen, that's going to be harder to do. Not impossible, but harder. And getting rid of all this stuff would really help.
 I can start drawing a really small, reduced pension at 50, which is next year. It wouldn't be enough to retire on but it would go a long way towards supplemental income if I were to find a new job.

 A leave of absence isn't an option.

[754]

Well then , get a new hobby..something fresh to consume your time.. That may help..
 When people say..A Change is as good as a rest... Theres can be a lot of truth there..
 I spent a few years away from motorcycles.. Then when you come back to it..fun again..

[chewbacca5000]

Hi Scott,

I am 43 and am going through something very similar and have recently sold off all my equipment from my powder coat venture, and I am glad I did.  With the extra stuff gone I can think much more clearly.  I would not make any drastic decisions in your current state of mind as you will probably regret any decision made latter.

Just having extra stuff gone has given enough mental clarity to make better decisions and plan my next moves.  I need to sell the rest and will do so, but am not going to beat myself up in the process.  As for being house poor I got a roommate to help with the expenses.

All in all I have very happy with my decision to downsize.  I you want someone to talk to shoot me a pm.

[Gene]

This is only an opinion - I'm not in your position but I do know people who have gone through similar, including my wife who retired early from a job that was slowly killing her because of the stress.  Sell the house, sell what you can live without, take the early retirement - even though it's not as much as you would get if you stuck around - you are young enough to go do something you might actually enjoy.  Go to a community college or, better yet, enroll on-line and get an associates, or even a bachelor's degree.  Feed your head.  Again, just an opinion - but I think you're onto something.

[mrbreeze]

I started reading this and thought it was a story about me!! Not everything is the same.....I pissed off more money than you while you were doing better things with yours. I turned 19 two weeks after I got married......became a daddy less than a year later. I had 3 children by the time I was 24.
I worked at too many jobs I didn't like......maybe learned too late in life that you have to be happy with your job.......not just let it be a way to make ends meet.
Don't sweat the material stuff. It can be replaced at a later time. You have to be sure about your decisions to part with things. If you have 10 bikes sitting there and you need the space....the money....whatever.....
maybe unloading them would be the right move for you.
Don't let relationships steer your feelings. If you aren't happy.....chances are Mama won't be happy either.
I have made lots of life changes.....some good and maybe some bad. Today (December 28) I celebrate 2 years without alcohol. Do I go to meetings or did I turn religious? Nope. Do I miss my friends? No...my friends never left me.....only drinking buddies that really never were my true friends. Do I miss alcohol? Nope....many things are getting better in my life. It takes time......doesn't happen overnight!! I'm not rich with money at the present but I am way more rich with wisdom and sense of family in the past 2 years.

[mycoal]

If you get a lesser paying job but smaller house then those two cancel each other out, but you'll be twice as happy. Also, selling stuff doesn't always mean you lose it. You can always buy it back with the money you got from selling it. It's probably not a good idea to use stuff as a reflection of your worth or status. If anything they're just a distraction. Toys. The real measure is how you feel about yourself and others. And how others (the ones that matter) feel about you.

I would liquidate everything except my tools. Then buy a huge garage with a cute little shack that chicks would still find cozy and like. Then I'd spend the rest of my life buying cheap craigslist projects and working on them until one of the hundreds of dangerous chemicals involved in the process gave me cancer and I died.

Also get into meditation. That's actually what drew me into motorcycle repair in the firstplace. Working on a bike either forces you to be in the moment and give it your complete concentration, or at times it can be a soothing repetitive action that gives you time to think. You can google transcendental meditation and learn the jist of it without spending any money on it. Just like stress illicits a flight or fight response, meditation counters that with something called the relaxation response. You'd be surprised what havoc stress can cause your physical body, not just your mind. The relaxation response (meditating) has been scientifically proven to undo that damage.

[Scott S]

One way I look at it is, if I sell most of the bikes, the VW, the old cargo van.... and start cleaning out the closets at home....then at the very least I've eased my mind, freed up monthly $$ on insurance, taxes, upkeep, etc., and paid for a new bike with money leftover.
 The house is a much bigger step, but at least I'd be closer to walking away from it should the job go south again. I'd be in a much better position to weather any storms and a few steps closer to getting that little cabin in the woods.

 Looks like I may be listing some stuff on eBay or CL soon....

 And, yes, I used to use the projects as soothing therapy. I was rewarded with cool toys at the end. But the last few haven't been fun. They drag on, etc. I'll always have a little something to tinker with, but enough is enough.

[754]

If forgot if you told us over time what you do for work.
 I found machining in certain aspects was very soothing and relaxing, especially if you are creative and need an outlet..most of the time... (ignore the last 11 months where I was separated from my machines)
The problem solving, selecting  or making tools, choosing or making workholding methods, on certain projects kept things interesting and fresh.. Lots of satisfaction in turning a piece some would consider scrap, into a cool, exciting, and sometimes needed part.
 Some enjoy it as a hbby...

[simon#42]

i can understand this all to well . my case is slightly different as my girl died after a long illness in march 2014 . but i was left with a large 9 bedroom house and 20 something old racing bikes
that suddenly i had no real interest in . the decision to sell the house was made slightly easier as i had already bought a small bungalow with the intention of moving into while she was ill .
allas she didnt get that far and after alot of thought i moved in myself and sold the old place . once that decision was made the rest sort of followed , as i now had less room stuff had to go .
to be honest i still have to much crap about me and am slowly putting that right . was it the right decision ? yes i have discovered that no matter how nice it is it is only' stuff ' . have not
sorted the work issue yet , i am older than you at nearly 55 and will probably hang on for another 5 years then pack it in .

[flybox1]

I did it 
We bought our dream-home, but we became slaves to it.  It was truly a time suck.
Sold it all at the wrong time and moved into something barely big enough for us.
Neither car fits in the garage (only room for the CB and all the kids toys) and there is rarely a quiet place in the house...but, the lawn takes 10 minutes instead of 4 hours to mow.  I commute less than 30 minutes a day instead of ~2hrs.
We're cramped, but we have time.  Time to do the fun stuff before the kids grow up.
I spent 20+ years accumulating STUFF.
I spent the last 2 years giving up all the time-sucking stuff that doesnt mean isht compared to spending the time with family and doing what I/we enjoy.
It was a tough pride pill to swallow.  20 years of goals/dreams gone with the swipe of a pen.....but it was the best decision ever.  Its just money.  I can make more.  I want simple...stress free.
What I cant make up is the time with the kids once it/they are gone.
Determine what is important, and do what you can to get rid of all the rest.

[mrbreeze]

This is turning into a really good post. We all have different circumstances.....come from different areas.......different ages although it seems most of us posting are some where in our 50's.
This should turn out to be an enlightening thread.

[chewbacca5000]

I am with flybox on this one nothing beats simplicity.  The things that give true joy in life are all free anyway.  No one really cares what you have or don't have anyway.  Those of you with big houses ask yourself how often do I have friends over, or time to enjoy them with all the hours need to maintain and pay for them?

I think many people are waking up to the fact that more stuff does not mean more happiness.

Buying stuff I don't need, with money I don't have, to impress people I don't like what for?

[mrbreeze]

Ya know Chewy.....the younger you are when you realize what you just said...the better off you will be.

[hotdog]

I have recently left the best paying job I have ever and probably will ever have by choice.
My situation is a little different, I'm 40 and have been working as a maintenance fitter and supervisor in heavy Industry since I was 17 (apart from the best 3 years of my career that I enjoyed the most - working in a motorcycle dealership). I have walked away from the job I had as a maintenance supervisor, working shift work, 14 hours door to door.

We have bought a modest home on a 5 acre lot, we have room to move and more importantly room for Miss 10 and Mr 8 to explore and have animals. Mowing takes 1 hour and general gardening for me right now it enjoyable.

We have a few sheds and I'm setting up my workshop in my 12m X 9m, I've wanted this for the last 15 years but could not have it due to working all the time or owning houses we knew we were not going to keep long term.

I was slowly dying working shift work and living in a remote community for the past 5 years, living in a house I did not own, a tiny workshop under the house to work on bikes, and being a semi-arid area with little rain all added to a depressive environment.

My goal/dream is to run a motorcycle repair business from home and actually enjoy what I'm doing again, if it works out, then it does...if not I'll do some study and get some more motorcycle qualifications and go from there.

Another thing I took up recently is beekeeping, great fun, and along with working on bikes and machining needed parts, I find it "food for the soul".

As some of the other punters have said, it's about family.
For me, I've got to the point where I need to be doing something I love doing.

Working shift was not helping and my kids have got their dad back and my wife her husband, someone who is not tired and irritable all the time and has time to be involved in their lives.
So at the moment, debt free and some cash in the bank, I'll work for myself and make sure it's sustainable.

I have to say the one thing that has kept my head together through the tough times has been 1 great woman, whom without I would be far worse-off.

Sent from my HTC_M9u using Tapatalk

[mrbreeze]

Great story Hotdog! I like the fact that you are only 40 and have this outlook. You're right.....a good woman is a good thing. I didn't do so good in that category. I don't fully blame her. I could have done some things different. Getting married at a young age has lots of challenges that a guy may not see until later in life. I didn't have the best upbringing either. I had an abusive step dad and I was the oldest of 3.....not a good combo. He did teach me right from wrong.....I'll give him that.
Anyways....sounds like you are doing what's right by your family and yourself.....kudos for that. I know a couple of guys that are from North Dakota. They come out here to California in the spring to work the bees. They pollinate the trees. They make sh!tloads of money every year doing this....great guys too.
Keep the stories coming.........

[SOHC4 Cafe Racer Fan]

Six years ago, I left my law firm job to go in house for a company. It's not paradise, and it's a much smaller paycheck, but I gained my life back.

At times, I think of downsizing my bike collection since it can be tough to keep them all tip top all the time, but it is tough to let your babies go. That said, in the end, it is just stuff and should not rule you.

[mrbreeze]

Yep. People collect all sorts of different things. Some things can fit into a book....other need a warehouse and everything in between. If you have a bike collection, a place to keep it, & don't have to downsize from needing the money.... I say go for keeping it all the way!! No law says you only can have one!

[Jerry Rxman Griffin aka MuthaF'er]

Scott,

I'm there. Just returned from 1 month in Panama City visiting a friend. Made a 'friend'  . Took the 18 yo daughter away to college $40K scholarship. Professional program. She's back home with mommie mid first semester. That was my opening to start MY life after the previous 18 years dealing with her mother. Their problem now. Finishing my  basement. EXCELLENT short term investment. Next up - Costa Rica. Buy a condo in Crested Butte, CO, sell the house and rent in Central America while collecting social security.

[mrbreeze]

A man with a plan!!!

[Scott S]

 The House: I don't equate the house with ex's, bad memories, etc. But when I look at cutting expenses that would really make a difference, it keeps coming up. I can afford it by myself, but if I were to get injured or ill, it would be very bad. Two people living here is fine. For one person, it's a little too much and a little unnecessary. The new GF and I have talked about sharing the roof, but we're taking our time.

 The Toys: Most of them started as cheap projects. I like to have something to fill my time. Hunting for parts, research, cleaning parts, envisioning the final product. And when I'm done, I have shiny fun-things to ride. And some of them have paid for the next one. But a few of the last projects have been frustrating and not as fulfilling. Time for a break. They're all paid for and only cost me insurance, gas and maintenance. Same with the VW; it's been paid for since '94.

 The Job: I'm a few years away from getting back to the top. But I'm also kinda fed up with it. But the only way I can leave is to cut expenses elsewhere, which brings me full circle to the House and the Toys.

 I forecast you guys seeing some toys for sale soon. Maybe work on decluttering the house and getting it ready for market. Then, if there are two of us here and it's easy, we have a nice place to stay. If not, I'll cash in my equity and downsize.