Topic: Rodney Dangerfield

[70CB750]

My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.

Some dog I got too. We call him Egypt. Because in every room he leaves a pyramid.

I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the library. When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face.

This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the fruit-of-the-loom guys laughing at me.

My wife was afraid of the dark... then she saw me naked and now she's afraid of the light.

My wife met me at the door the other night in a sexy negligee. Unfortunately, she was just coming home.

My marriage is on the rocks again, yeah, my wife just broke up with her boyfriend.

I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I've just had a mirror put over my kitchen table.

I met the surgeon general - he offered me a cigarette.



Read more at: http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/authors/r/rodney_dangerfield.html

[George_s]

My bro-in-law (ex) is an established comedian that knew Rodney for decades.
He always would say he wondered how he was still alive since he never stopped snorting coke.

[gwallis]

"I sat my Son down to tell him about the Birds and the Bees... He told me about my wife and the Butcher!"

" I went to a really tough school.  It was so tough that the school newspaper had an Obituary Column!"

Bah Dum Dum....

[Jonesy]

"Just the other day, I was feeling depressed so I called Dial-A-Prayer... and he told me to go to hell!"