Author Topic: The powers of Porridge  (Read 1421 times)

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Offline vfourfreak

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The powers of Porridge
« on: October 07, 2016, 11:38:32 AM »
Not my story, but a true childhood experience summitted to The Irish Times, concerning beautiful innocent days in the early 1950s by one Kevin Tiernan :

 “The king is dead! The king is dead!” Kenneth shouted over the garden hedge. I ran into our house and broke the awful news. “Well, he’s not our king,” Mammy said calmly.

In 1952, we were the only Catholics living in a four-house cul-de-sac off the Ballymahon Road in Athlone. We got on well with our Protestant neighbours, but tensions surfaced at times, such as when my mother overheard Kenneth say to me, “My mummy said that that the Tiernans are common.”

Protestants were different in lots of ways to us “Roman” Catholics, but to me and my brother, Brian, the defining differences between them and us were that they wore underpants, had proper toilet paper and ate cornflakes instead of porridge.

When we complained about these deprivations, our lives improved somewhat. We no longer had to put up with cold bottoms and cut-up Westmeath Independents, but Daddy would not yield to our whingeing for cornflakes. He was from Mayo, and deep in his subconscious, maize was synonymous with famine and the workhouse.

On his home farm it was fed to the animals and was known as “Injun male” or “yella maize”. It was not for humans, even if it came in a fancy box.

Such was his belief in porridge that he seldom missed an opportunity to remind us of its powers. Every heavy rock we lifted, or if we won a race or scored a goal, all were down to the “stirabout”.

“That’s the porridge for you! Keep eating the porridge,” was his mantra.

Summer holidays were spent in Laytown. At breakfast one morning, I was worried. At the table were Daddy, Mammy. Brian, younger sister Emer, myself and a teenage babysitter. “My mickey was really big this morning,” I announced.

The babysitter went beetroot and ran out, saying she was full. Mammy kept looking down at her plate, while the rest of us just stared at Daddy. He did not let the opportunity pass. “ Good man, Kevin! That’s the porridge for you. Keep eating the porridge.”


Offline Old Moe Toe

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Re: The powers of Porridge
« Reply #1 on: October 08, 2016, 03:04:16 AM »
I am sure that is funny, just went way over my head.

Offline vfourfreak

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Re: The powers of Porridge
« Reply #2 on: October 08, 2016, 05:19:16 AM »
Sorry, I should clarify, in Ireland a "mickey" is your lad, manhood, todger

Kev

Offline RevDoc

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Re: The powers of Porridge
« Reply #3 on: October 08, 2016, 06:31:18 AM »
Good one, Kev!
Dana

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Offline calj737

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Re: The powers of Porridge
« Reply #4 on: October 08, 2016, 11:51:21 AM »
I am sure that is funny, just went way over my head.
That's the porridge for you. Kev's mickey stretches over your head  :o
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"Of all tyrannies, a tyranny sincerely exercised for the good of it's victim may be the most oppressive. It may be better to live under robber barons than under omnipotent moral busybodies. The robber baron's cruelty may sometimes sleep, his cupidity may at some point be satiated, but those who torment us for our own good will torment us without end for they do so with the approval of their own conscience." - C.S. Lewis

Offline Old Moe Toe

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Re: The powers of Porridge
« Reply #5 on: October 10, 2016, 01:36:40 AM »
Sorry, I should clarify, in Ireland a "mickey" is your lad, manhood, todger

Kev

Really? Well that's why I did not get it.
If he had called it his "donger" or "one eyed trouser snake" I would have understood straight away.
"Micky" what a strange term of expression!.

Offline calj737

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Re: The powers of Porridge
« Reply #6 on: October 10, 2016, 04:33:06 AM »
Really? Well that's why I did not get it.
Best you get yourself a heaping portion of porridge in that you might become a tad more enlightened!  ;D
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"Of all tyrannies, a tyranny sincerely exercised for the good of it's victim may be the most oppressive. It may be better to live under robber barons than under omnipotent moral busybodies. The robber baron's cruelty may sometimes sleep, his cupidity may at some point be satiated, but those who torment us for our own good will torment us without end for they do so with the approval of their own conscience." - C.S. Lewis