YEAR'S BEST [actual]
> HEADLINES OF 2004:
>
> Crack Found on
> Governor's Daughter
> [imagine that!]
>
>>
>
>
> Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
> [no, really?]
>
>
>
>
>
> Police Begin Campaign
> to Run Down Jaywalkers
> [now that's taking things a bit far!]
>
>
>
>
>
> Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus?
> [not if I wipe thoroughly!]
>
>
>
>
>
> Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
> [what a guy!]
>
>
>
>
>
>
> Miners Refuse
> to Work after Death
> [no-good-for-nothin' lazy so-and-sos!]
>
>
>
>
>
>
> Juvenile Court to
> Try Shooting Defendant
> [see if that works any better than a fair trial!]
>
>
>
>
>
> War Dims Hope
> for Peace
> [I can see where it might have that effect!]
>
>
>
>
>
> If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly,
> It May Last Awhile
> [you think?!]
>
>
>
>
>
> Cold Wave
>
> Linked to Temperatures
> [who would have thought!]
>
>
>
>
>
>
> Enfield (London) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
> [they may be on to something!]
>
>
>
>
> Red Tape Holds
> Up New Bridges
> [you mean there's something stronger than duct tape?!]
>
>
>
> Man Struck By Lightning Faces Battery Charge
> [he probably IS the battery charge!]
>
>
>
>
> New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
> [weren't they fat enough?!]
>
>
>
>
> Astronaut Takes
> Blame for Gas
> in Spacecraft
> [That's what he gets for eating those beans!]
>
>
>
> Kids Make
> Nutritious Snacks
> [Taste like chicken?]
>
>
>
>
> Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
> [Chainsaw Massacre all over again!]
>
>
>
> Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
> [Boy, are they tall!]
>
>
>
>
>
> And the winner is....
>
>
>
>
>
>
> Typhoon Rips Through
> Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
peace..
