Some days are diamonds, some days are stones........ and other days are just sh1t.......... Yep, just when I thought it was safe to take my beeootiful bitsa out on the road, God hauled back and kicked me right in the nuts..............
So I took off early from work, drove over to VICROADS with paperwork in hand and sat patiently waiting to get served. After a few minutes, I get called to the counter. The fugly, cranky old lesbian (not that there's anything wrong with that) pubic serpant takes my paperwork, punches the details into her computer with her little sausage shaped fingers, smiles wickedly, and tells me that there's a problem. Whaaaat??? She says, "Your engine number is the same as one in a bike registered in New South Wales." (NSW) Whaaaat??? "Can you check it again?" I ask, and she grudgingly does, and it still says the same, some crook in Sydney is riding around on a bike with MY fcuking engine number!!! Faaaark!
I said, "what can I do?" She says that I'll need to find the receipt for the engine I bought in Canberra almost 2 years ago, bring both the bike and the receipt in, then if they're satisfied that I actually own the engine and the number hasn't been altered, they'll (at my expense) organise another engine number for it, and I'll have to get the engine restamped with the new number. Whaaaat??? How long will that take? "Weeks", she sneered.......... Faaaark!
I limped out of VICROADS, a broken man. Openly weeping, gnashing my teeth, tearing my hair out and flaying myself with my trouser belt, almost tripping over my pants, which are now around my ankles. Then I have a brilliant idea, maybe Jeff at the bike shop has written down the number wrong? Hey, he's 68, wears glasses, and it's not like it's the first time he's fcuked it up, so yeah, that'll be it, silly old Jeff has mistaken a "3" for an "8", so all I'll need to do is ride it back over to his shop, get him to check the number, re-write me a copy of the roadworthy certificate with the RIGHT number, berate him a bit (carefully, he's a cranky old cnut) for fcuking me around, then march victoriously back into VICROADS and tell that old carpet munching (not that there's anything wrong with that) harpie to give me my fcuking red plate!
Chuckling to myself at the incompetence of others, I arrive home, and rather than fcuk around trying to read the number on the engine, I find a pic I took that clearly shows the engine numbers, and............. it's the same as what Jeff wrote down! AAAAAGGGGHHHH!!!!! You Motherfcuker!!!!!! Wh0re!!!!! B1tch!!!!!!............. AAAAAGGGGHHHH!!!!!
After I'd calmed down a tad, I had another wonderful thought. What if old Dickless Tracy (not that there's anything wrong with that) at VICROADS punched the engine number into the computer wrong, both times? Hell, she didn't look all that bright, for all I know, she's dyslexic as well as ugly! Silly old cow! I rang VICROADS head office, and asked them to check the engine number, and the lovely, sympathetic Kellie with the husky "Come to bed, Terry" voice said, "Sorry my love, but your engine is currently powering a motorcycle that's still registered in the ACT. (Australian Capital Territory) ACT? Faaaark! That's where I bought the engine! (The ACT is only a tiny place, surrounded by NSW, and it's legal to ride bikes registered in the ACT in NSW, and vice versa)
Kellie puts me through to David, who's in charge of the elusive red plates. Once David can understand me over my blubbering, he tells me that I could contact the DMV in the ACT, they could then compel the owner of the bike to bring it in so they can check the engine number, and if it doesn't match his registration records, they will amend his registration details, and advise VICROADS that I am now free to register my bike with that engine number. Dave's a great guy (not as nice as Kellie, who's hot as hell, but still a nice bloke) so I say, "hey Dave, how long do you reckon that'll take mate?" Dave advises that it'll take several weeks, at least. I burst into tears again, and Dave respectfully puts me on hold until I can get my sh1t back together.
Shortly afterwards, I have an epiphany. "Hey Dave, I've got another engine out in the garage, if I give you the number, can you tell me if I can register my bike with THAT number?" "No worries Terry" he replies, so I read him out the number of that 1974 K engine I bought a couple oif months ago, and he says, "She'll be right mate, use that one." Woohoo! Double woohoo! Right! A plan! Woohoo!
I got changed, then went out to the garage and took a close look at the Redneck replacement engine. It's absolutely filthy, but doesn't look too bad. I had a bottle of some particularly nasty acid based degreaser that I'd been saving for something special, so I brushed it on neat, and was happy that the years of grease and grime were just falling off!
Redneck engine replacement by
Terry Prendergast, on Flickr
Only problem I had, was that the degreaser was also removing the paint underneath! Faaaark! Oh well, it was only paint, so in for a penny, in for a pound, I could always touch it up...........
Redneck replacement engine 2 by
Terry Prendergast, on Flickr
Of course, being a nice hot day, drenching myself with my pressure washer was actually quite pleasant. Needless to say I hadn't taped off inlet and exhaust ports, so even as careful as I was, some water went into the engine. Still, it looked nice, and unlike the fcuking F engine currently in the bike, no funny welds in the chain area.
Redneck replacement engine 8 by
Terry Prendergast, on Flickr
Redneck replacement engine 5 by
Terry Prendergast, on Flickr
As hot as it was, that amount of water was never gonna come out on it's own, so I dropped the sump pan, and a half a litre of water came out. What was nice, was that there was nothing nasty in the pan, no broken gear teeth, or silastic, or anything else that'd piss me off. The screw heads were all still nice and shiny, and I'm gonna make a bold statement and say that I don't reckon the pan has ever been off it again. I also pulled the oil pump and drained the water, and ran some fresh oil through it, and was happy that the pump's action was nice and smooth.
Redneck replacement engine 9 by
Terry Prendergast, on Flickr
Redneck replacement engine 10 by
Terry Prendergast, on Flickr
I used my weed blower to roughly dry the outside, then my air compressor to blow all the air out of the ports and any other orifice. I pulled the cam cover and cleaned a tiny amount of water out from around the cam and valve springs, then sprayed some RP7 on the cam. I pulled the spark plugs and sprayed heaps of RP7 down the plug holes, and cranked the engine over a few times, and it felt good.
Redneck replacement engine 11 by
Terry Prendergast, on Flickr
Redneck replacement engine 12 by
Terry Prendergast, on Flickr
Sooo, I think I'll give the crank cases a quick coat of paint tomorrow morning before I drive to my Ma's place, and when I come back on Sunday, I'll start prepping the bike for an engine swap. Not really what I hoped to be doing this weekend, but better than the alternative. Oh well. On the plus side, this wonderful project goes on! Cheers, Terry Bob.
