That's it Sparty, good advice, for sure. While we're on the subject of advising potential male newly-weds, here's some more gold.
When you first get hitched/move in together, for some reason, women want you to do everything with them, it's truly torture of the worst possible kind. You need to nip this in the bud, or otherwise, you will end up in the situation where you don't know where life went, and can only draw some small pleasure from vague memories.........
When I first got married, my wife wanted me to take her grocery shopping. Now I have to tell you right here and now, that grocery shopping is not as a man imagines it, you know, put things in the cart, move along until you've got what you need, then pay and go home. For a woman, it's a big event in their social calendar, they have to dress for it, make lists, re-write lists, and spend all frickin' day wandering aimlessly around a supermarket, walking bloody miles retracing their own steps, picking up at least one of every item on display, studying it like they know what the fock they're looking at, then putting it down again. All the while blocking the progress of obviously single male shoppers who have absolutely no interest in groceries and are only buying what they need so they can go home and watch the game or the motorsport event with the necessary items to provide comfort and sustenance while they relax on the couch, as real men should.
The way to combat this unrelenting tedium, is to just put stuff in the trolley that you know you'll never need, like pickled herrings, or silver polish, or maybe a book on fat-free cooking, not to mention everything that you do like, such as spray on cheese, crackers, chips, (both kinds, and all available flavors) cheeto's, salami, expensive cheese, some engine oil and a filter if possible, some bike magazines, etc etc.
The look of horror on your lady's face should go some way to explaining that this is not what she wanted, for a start shopping is all about her, not you, and on top of that she's gonna wonder if you've "forgotten" to mention that you've invited your mates over for a BBQ or to watch some sports or porn on the new plasma her Auntie Wanda bought you both (well, her, really) for a Wedding Present?
And of course, you've already agreed on how much money you'll be budgeting on "housekeeping" while you save for a home loan deposit, so next time she needs toilet paper and air freshener she'll just sneak off to do the grocery shopping while you're at work, or maybe in the can, reading a bike mag, and stinking the bathroom up good! I've got lots more mate, but I'm in the process of writing a book on the subject, so I won't give it all away just yet........... Cheers, Terry.
