She rips! Suck me sideways, this thing is a blast!
You guys are never going to believe this. I was just about to install the carbs back on the bike when I paused and thought: "If the previous owner ran the bike without slow jets or jet springs, there is a pretty good chance he/she/they (it?) missed something else". So I checked some exploded view pics of the carbs online and found a cool little clip I recognized. I have no idea what it is called, but the little jets/nozzles that has the plunger to shut off fuel flow to the carbs are held down with a little clip. My carbs didn't have those, but I still had them saved from when I tore the bike apart. Why? Because they where used, together with a zip tie, to hold the cable running along the clutch cover. Yup... I thought they looked out of place, but I sure didn't guess they actually belonged in the fuel bowls.
Armed with this new knowledge of record breaking hackery, I removed the fuel bowls again. And, of course, on carb 1&2, the nozzle and the plunger under the fuel float had started to back out. With all the clips in place and the needles adjusted, she fired right up and idled fine!
Took her for a drive and Yes! There we are! She is running a bit rich (textbook rich behavior) but that is just some jet sizing and fiddling.
WIN! Thanks for the help, gents!