Topic: Joke, or mood lightener of the day.

[Don R]

 My Mom was a member of DAM, Mothers against Dyslexia.

 Honestly though when I was in my 20's, out of the house, working and married she gave me back a first grade paper she had saved in her sewing machine's seat. It was my name written perfectly except mirror image. Now I'm home schooling my first grade granddaughter every Tuesday and she is a lefty too and struggles with d and b,  p and q just like I did.

[70CB750]

What is different on the Walk to end Alzheimer's?

It has only the starting line.

[70CB750]

Phone call:

"I would like to come in for a therapy."

"The first available date is in the middle of next July."

"I am not sure, that I will live that long."

"That's OK, I will write it in pencil."

[70CB750]

;

[RAFster122s]

Phone call:

"I would like to come in for a therapy."

"The first available date is in the middle of next July."

"I am not sure, that I will live that long."

"That's OK, I will write it in pencil."

I deal with depression and my primary care doctor wanted a psychiatrist to help manage my meds. She referred me out and they called me last week. Wanna know the first available appointment for the initial visit?
You ready for this? 
January
Glad I don’t have suicidal ideation that I am considering acting upon.

[Gordon]

;

Why does the woman in that cartoon look like Ron Rifkin?

[70CB750]

Phone call:

"I would like to come in for a therapy."

"The first available date is in the middle of next July."

"I am not sure, that I will live that long."

"That's OK, I will write it in pencil."

I deal with depression and my primary care doctor wanted a psychiatrist to help manage my meds. She referred me out and they called me last week. Wanna know the first available appointment for the initial visit?
You ready for this? 
January
Glad I don’t have suicidal ideation that I am considering acting upon.

I had to have tooth pulled and they told me they have opening next Wednesday, it was Tuesday and I was on pain medication already.

[RAFster122s]

Prokop, I would be calling other dentist to see if I could find someone who could do it sooner and was still a good dentist. Had a dentist talk me into letting him pull my wisdom teeth, roots were hooked and the bastard broke three of them trying to pull them and they should have been done by a oral surgeon. He should have thrown in the towel after first but the greedy bastard put me through the experience of the drill and him pulling them out in pieces. When my jaw was misaligned and I was having tmj symptoms after that and my bite was off he said he could fix the bite issue grinding the teeth down to fit better.  Told him no thanks. Should have sued him...but I don't sue- people.
Sorry this is turning into a pissed off thread topic. If I had been older and wiser I would have never let him continue... I walked out that day and never saw him again.

[Don R]

 When you're having a bad day,

  when you're blind date turns out to be your ex. 

[Don R]

 A man goes to a brothel and asks for Valerie, He's told she is the most expensive girl and costs a thousand dollars. The man agrees and after an hour comes down and leaves. 
 The next night he returns and again asks for her, he again pays the thousand and after an hour leaves.
 The next night he shows up again and asks for Valerie, is told no one has ever came back a third night in a row. He pays, goes up and when he starts to leave Valerie asks why he came back three nights in a row. He replied, your sister sent me to give you this three thousand dollar inheritance.

[dave500]

when i was a boy and knew nothing about sex my dad took me to a brothel,he said to the lady start this boy off with a "69"!well this big old prostitute got into position then let go a fart that nearly knocked my teeth out!i jumped up and ran out,dad shouts out whats wrong?i yelled back i aint hanging around for another 68 of those stinkers!

[rb550four]

There was this homeless man that had a makeshift table on the street selling toothbrushes. I asked him,how much for a toothbrush?
 $20 he says.
 20 dollars ? A bit steep don't you think?
Yeah, but the cookies are free.
A man walking passed us grabbed a cookie and came back and said "These cookies taste like sh!t !"
The homeless man said "Yes , They are! Would you like to buy a toothbrush?

[scottly]

What is a person who's an insomniac, an agnostic, and dyslectic?

Someone who lays awake all night wondering if there really is a Dog...

[RAFster122s]

 

[70CB750]

Prokop, I would be calling other dentist to see if I could find someone who could do it sooner and was still a good dentist. Had a dentist talk me into letting him pull my wisdom teeth, roots were hooked and the bastard broke three of them trying to pull them and they should have been done by a oral surgeon. He should have thrown in the towel after first but the greedy bastard put me through the experience of the drill and him pulling them out in pieces. When my jaw was misaligned and I was having tmj symptoms after that and my bite was off he said he could fix the bite issue grinding the teeth down to fit better.  Told him no thanks. Should have sued him...but I don't sue- people.
Sorry this is turning into a pissed off thread topic. If I had been older and wiser I would have never let him continue... I walked out that day and never saw him again.

Yeah, they found me a different one, with pretty girls working there.  It all worked out in the end 

[70CB750]

;

[70CB750]

;

[dhall57]

A son was telling his father his was thinking about proposing to his girlfriend. His dad was happy with the news, but told his son take my advice and do this one thing before popping the question. He said take her into your bedroom and throw a pair of your pants on the bed and tell her, I'm going to ask you to be my wife but just letting you know those are my pants and I wear them not you. His girlfriend said that's fine and I have no problem with that, but just remember one thing I control the zipper

[70CB750]

I've just released my own fragrance.


Nobody in the car seemed to like it.

[spotty]

a son is telling his backwoods father about the girl he wants to marry

he tells dad that shes beautiful, shes smart and best of all, shes a virgin

dad is outraged and refuses to give his blessing to the marriage

son is confused and wants to know why

dad says if shes not good enough for her own family, shes not good enough for ours

[70CB750]

;

[Holubs]

This is a sad story of the depression that can haunt a snowflake.

Marcel was sick and tired of the world; of COVID-19, Brexit, Russian belligerence, global warming, racial tensions, and the rest of the disturbing stories that occupy media headlines.  (Sound familiar?)

Marcel drove his car into his garage and then sealed every doorway and window as best he could. He got back into his car and wound down all the windows, selected his favorite radio station and hit the cars ignition.

Four days later, a worried neighbor peered through his garage window and saw him in the car. She notified the emergency services and they broke in, pulling Marcel from the car. A little sip of water and, surprisingly, he was in perfect condition, but his Tesla had a dead battery.

[dave500]

my doctor said "i want to talk about your short term memory loss",i replied angrily "im just gonna forget you said that!"

[Steve F]

Here's some more I found on the inter-webbs, similar to Moses's Triumph....

One theory is that Jesus would tool around in an old Plymouth because the Bible says, "God drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden of Eden in a Fury."

In Psalm 83, the Almighty clearly owns a Pontiac and a Geo.  The passage urges the Lord to "pursue your enemies with your Tempest and terrify them with your Storm."

Possibly God favors Dodge pickup trucks because Moses' followers are warned not to go up a mountain "until the Ram's horn sounds a long blast."

Meanwhile, Moses rode a British motorcycle, as evidenced by a Bible passage declaring that "the roar of Moses' Triumph is heard in the hills." Joshua no doubt drove a Triumph with an after market slip-on muffler because: "Joshua's Triumph was heard throughout the land."

And, following the Master's lead, the Apostles car pooled in, you got it, a Honda: "The Apostles were in one Accord.

[Don R]

 I broke my finger last week, on the other hand I'm OK!

 What did the bra say to the hat?
 You go on a head, I gotta give these two a lift.