Author Topic: Joke, or mood lightener of the day. (Read 106290 times)

dave500 · « **Reply #150 on:** October 14, 2020, 01:20:04 AM »

i just found out how they circumcise a whale,they send down four skin divers.

Don R · « **Reply #151 on:** October 15, 2020, 07:15:12 PM »

There are more airplanes at the bottom of the ocean than there are submarines in the sky.

When asked by a plumbing customer whether to run a drain line or install a pump I replied, nobody ever forgot to pay their gravity bill.

Don R · « **Reply #152 on:** October 16, 2020, 08:28:21 AM »

Seen on a Tee shirt, on me. "I've fallen and I can't reach my beer!" I was walking through the pits at Cordova after finding the shirt in the bottom of the shirt drawer and I overheard a lady say HEY LOOK! THERE'S THAT GUY WITH THAT SHIRT!

grcamna2 · « **Reply #153 on:** October 16, 2020, 09:19:01 AM »

Lol

Gordon · « **Reply #154 on:** October 16, 2020, 10:17:19 AM »

If you build a man a fire he'll be warm for the night. If you set a man on fire he'll be warm for the rest of his life.

70CB750 · « **Reply #155 on:** October 16, 2020, 11:23:11 AM »

Don R · « **Reply #156 on:** October 17, 2020, 08:00:47 PM »

My wife said you don't listen to me, you only hear what you want to hear!
I said sure, I'll have a beer.

70CB750 · « **Reply #157 on:** October 19, 2020, 04:32:23 AM »

HondaMan · « **Reply #158 on:** October 20, 2020, 05:52:11 PM »

...I'm beginning to think we've all been home too long...

Don R · « **Reply #159 on:** October 20, 2020, 06:00:33 PM »

True. That's the whole point of this exercise. L0L!

dave500 · « **Reply #160 on:** October 21, 2020, 12:43:20 AM »

i tried to find the meaning of opaque in the dictionary but it was unclear?

grcamna2 · « **Reply #161 on:** October 21, 2020, 01:27:17 AM »

Quote from: dave500 on October 21, 2020, 12:43:20 AM

i tried to find the meaning of opaque in the dictionary but it was unclear?

Lol

Old Moe Toe · « **Reply #162 on:** October 21, 2020, 02:52:17 PM »

A guy goes into a bar with his pet octopus and says "I bet $50 that no one here has a musical instrument that this octopus can't play."

The people in the bar look around and someone fetches an old guitar.

The octopus has a look, picks it up, tunes up the strings and starts playing the guitar. The octopus's owner pockets the fifty bucks.

Next guy comes up with a trumpet, octopus takes the horn, loosens up the keys, licks its lips and starts playing a jazz solo. The guy hands over another fifty bucks to the octopus's owner.

The bar owner has been watching all this and disappears out back, coming back in a few moments later with a set of bagpipes under his arm. He puts them on the bar and says to the guy and his octopus, "Now, if your octopus can play that I'll give you a hundred dollars."

The octopus takes a look at the bagpipes, lifts it up, turns it over, has another look from another angle. Puzzled, the octopus's owner comes up and says "What are you fooling around for? Hurry up and play the damn thing!"

The octopus says "Play it? If I can figure out how to get its pyjamas off I'm gonna make love to it!"

70CB750 · « **Reply #163 on:** October 22, 2020, 02:01:54 AM »

RAFster122s · « **Reply #164 on:** October 22, 2020, 02:21:02 AM »

Too twisted?

RAFster122s · « **Reply #165 on:** October 22, 2020, 02:26:29 AM »

RAFster122s · « **Reply #166 on:** October 22, 2020, 02:32:17 AM »

Cold As Ice

RAFster122s · « **Reply #167 on:** October 22, 2020, 03:14:28 AM »

RAFster122s · « **Reply #168 on:** October 22, 2020, 03:18:06 AM »

Peanuts

nickfarrowdesign · « **Reply #169 on:** October 22, 2020, 11:41:15 AM »

A priest, a rabbi, and a minister decide to see who’s best at his job. So they each go into the woods, find a bear, and attempt to convert it.

Later they get together.
The priest begins. “When I found the bear, I read to him from the Catechism and sprinkled him with holy water. Next week is his First Communion.”

“I found a bear by the stream,” says the minister, “and preached God’s holy word. The bear was so mesmerized that he let me baptize him.”

They both look down at the rabbi, who is wrapped in a body cast. “Looking back,” he says, “maybe I shouldn’t have started with the circumcision.”

Sent from my SM-A515F using Tapatalk

Don R · « **Reply #170 on:** October 24, 2020, 01:42:54 PM »

Tip for ordering chrome moly tubing, make sure the OD is bigger than the ID, otherwise the hole will be on the outside.

RAFster122s · « **Reply #171 on:** October 24, 2020, 06:14:29 PM »

grcamna2 · « **Reply #172 on:** October 24, 2020, 06:37:32 PM »

I think our government could supply a few 'test kits' as you've described:in bulk please. Lol

dave500 · « **Reply #173 on:** October 24, 2020, 09:16:31 PM »

I was standing at the bar one night minding my own business. This fat ugly chick came up behind me, grabbed my behind and said, "You're kinda cute. You gotta phone number?"
I said, "Yeah, you gotta pen?"
She said, "Yeah, I got a pen"
I said, "You better get back in it before the farmer misses you."

dave500 · « **Reply #174 on:** October 24, 2020, 09:17:48 PM »

I went to my favorite bar last night and saw a BIG woman dancing on a table.
I said, "Good legs"
The woman giggled and said, "Do you really think so?"
I said, "Definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now."

News:

Author Topic: Joke, or mood lightener of the day. (Read 106290 times)