Author Topic: Joke, or mood lightener of the day. (Read 107224 times)

Don R · « **Reply #175 on:** October 29, 2020, 08:15:19 PM »

I'll bet giraffes don't even know what farts smell like.

dave500 · « **Reply #176 on:** October 30, 2020, 02:16:53 AM »

Q. why is a giraffes neck so long?

A. because its head is so far away from its body.

Old Moe Toe · « **Reply #177 on:** October 30, 2020, 03:09:38 AM »

Did you hear about the girl who went out fishing with 5 blokes?
She came home with a red snapper.
https://www.google.com.au/search?q=red+snapper+australia&sxsrf=ALeKk01cm7mwVPJFiJRZSsH8tvVfBIsGCQ:1604052439811&tbm=isch&source=iu&ictx=1&fir=ZM2smaN14uyIzM%252C8HwWyFZY-F5JsM%252C_&vet=1&usg=AI4_-kTewi8hO7lInZyEBYobw4UsEexJXA&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwiH14D_iNzsAhXFpOkKHTpOAjkQ_h0wAXoECBkQBA&biw=1536&bih=722#imgrc=ZM2smaN14uyIzM

Don R · « **Reply #178 on:** October 30, 2020, 06:06:13 AM »

My new shirt already lost a buttonhole.

dave500 · « **Reply #179 on:** October 30, 2020, 01:36:13 PM »

i walked into a large tool store and asked the guy if he had any vices,he replied yeah drinking smoking and porn.

Don R · « **Reply #180 on:** October 31, 2020, 08:38:11 AM »

Self help meme,

Stop thinking you're ugly.
You are, just stop thinking about it.

jgger · « **Reply #181 on:** October 31, 2020, 10:26:10 AM »

That's funny, Don. I have a saying when people ask "how are you?" I tell them I'm ugly.........but I'm working on it! It's funny seeing how they try to react to it.

Don R · « **Reply #182 on:** November 01, 2020, 10:35:35 AM »

My car club was at a show and in the distance there was a hit and miss engine running, at the end of the day we were leaving I said listen to that, you'd think that guy would have gotten that harley started by now!

Don R · « **Reply #183 on:** November 03, 2020, 09:41:56 PM »

Guy calls in to work, says Boss I'm not going to be in today. I don't feel good and am achy all over.
Boss says I really need you today, when that happens to me I go to my wife and tell her I need sex. Then I feel better and can go to work.
Guy calls back and says Boss you were right, I did what you said and I'll be there in an hour. By the way you got a nice house.

333 · « **Reply #184 on:** November 04, 2020, 08:06:22 PM »

Did you hear about the Butterball Turkey recall?

Somebody forgot to butter the balls.

70CB750 · « **Reply #185 on:** November 11, 2020, 05:49:14 AM »

grcamna2 · « **Reply #186 on:** November 11, 2020, 09:58:37 AM »

Quote from: 70CB750 on November 11, 2020, 05:49:14 AM

No Sh*t ! I can relate to that.

Don R · « **Reply #187 on:** November 11, 2020, 10:02:59 AM »

Yup my work truck had broken leaf springs because they always bought light duty trucks for heavy duty jobs. I told the boss if one more leaf breaks the frame will be sitting on the axle. He asked if that happens, will the wheels still turn?

Don R · « **Reply #188 on:** November 12, 2020, 09:13:43 PM »

I just learned I'm color blind, that news came right out of the purple.

Kleptomaniacs take things literally.

emlupi · « **Reply #189 on:** November 13, 2020, 03:20:09 PM »

Why did Michael Jackson like to shop at the Gap?

He heard that boys pants were half off:

Old Moe Toe · « **Reply #190 on:** November 13, 2020, 03:44:01 PM »

Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you do criticize them, you’re a mile away and you have their shoes.

dave500 · « **Reply #191 on:** November 13, 2020, 07:27:56 PM »

i was at a job interview and was asked what my biggest weakness was,i replied i always say how i feel and tell the truth,the guy said i dont think thats a weakness at all,i replied i dont give a #$%* what you think!

Don R · « **Reply #192 on:** November 14, 2020, 11:38:54 AM »

She said give it to me, I'm so wet, give it to me now! I don't care, I'm keeping the umbrella.

Old Moe Toe · « **Reply #193 on:** November 15, 2020, 02:32:48 AM »

Did you hear about the girl who went out in a boat fishing with four guys?.
She came home with a red snapper.

70CB750 · « **Reply #194 on:** November 15, 2020, 02:45:06 AM »

Say you are HR person with one opening and a stash of resumes. Whats the first thing you do?

Well, you throw half of those resumes in the waste basket. Nobody wants to work with person that has no luck.

Don R · « **Reply #195 on:** November 15, 2020, 10:27:21 PM »

Why do they call them apartments when they're all stuck together?

Old Moe Toe · « **Reply #196 on:** November 16, 2020, 01:34:13 AM »

Q. If it takes a ten dick dog ten years to fcuk a glass assed cat , how many years does it take a chicken eating rubber bands to poo a tire?

A. A Good Year.

Don R · « **Reply #197 on:** November 18, 2020, 08:24:05 AM »

I bought a helicopter, I had no where to park it so I tied a rope to it and left it running.

I wrote a song but I don't read music so I don't know what it sounds like.

Cop pulled me over, said did you know the speed limit is 55 miles in an hour? I said I know, but I wasn't going to be out that long.

grcamna2 · « **Reply #198 on:** November 18, 2020, 10:45:59 AM »

Quote from: Don R on November 18, 2020, 08:24:05 AM

I bought a helicopter, I had no where to park it so I tied a rope to it and left it running.

I wrote a song but I don't read music so I don't know what it sounds like.

Cop pulled me over, said did you know the speed limit is 55 miles in an hour? I said I know, but I wasn't going to be out that long.

Lol

You think I should say that to an officer next time I get pulled over ?

70CB750 · « **Reply #199 on:** November 18, 2020, 06:57:12 PM »

Colleague at the bank asks:

"How come your wife never wears a bra?"

"How would you know?"

'I got hands, don't I?"

News:

Author Topic: Joke, or mood lightener of the day. (Read 107224 times)