Author Topic: Joke, or mood lightener of the day.  (Read 149397 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline Terry in Australia

  • Really Old Timer ...
  • *******
  • Posts: 33,511
  • So, what do ya wanna talk about today?
Re: Joke, or mood lightener of the day.
« Reply #325 on: February 25, 2021, 11:11:14 PM »
Ha ha, “Old Timers” disease is definitely taking over Bill, I left a frying pan on the gas cooktop for 3 hours on Wednesday, and forgot my wallet on a ride recently, then walked around my roof today, drunk, looking for possum ingress points (found it!) so it won’t be long before I check into the “Shady Trees home for the terminally confused”. Oh well, as long as I get lots of lovely drugs, I’ll be happy. ;D
I was feeling sorry for myself because I couldn't afford new bike boots, until I met a man with no legs.

So I said, "Hey mate, you haven't got any bike boots you don't need, do you?"

"Crazy is a very misunderstood term, it's a fine line that some of us can lean over and still keep our balance" (thanks RB550Four)

Offline RAFster122s

  • I feel like a really really
  • Really Old Timer ...
  • *******
  • Posts: 12,569
  • SOHC4 member # 2605
Re: Joke, or mood lightener of the day.
« Reply #326 on: February 26, 2021, 12:04:37 AM »
An old blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake... He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, "Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?" The bar immediately falls absolutely silent. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things: The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat. The bouncer is a blonde girl with a 'Billy-Club'. I'm a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weight lifter. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler. Now, think about it seriously, Cowboy... Do you still wanna tell that blonde joke?" The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head and mutters, "No...not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times..."
David- back in the desert SW!

Offline dave500

  • Really Old Timer ...
  • *******
  • Posts: 17,244
  • WHAT?no gravy?
Re: Joke, or mood lightener of the day.
« Reply #327 on: February 26, 2021, 12:50:36 AM »
on convex car mirrors it has a little sign that says objects in mirror are closer than they appear,for blondes its says objects in mirror are behind you.

Offline Terry in Australia

  • Really Old Timer ...
  • *******
  • Posts: 33,511
  • So, what do ya wanna talk about today?
Re: Joke, or mood lightener of the day.
« Reply #328 on: February 26, 2021, 03:38:32 AM »
What do blondes call brunette hair dye?

Artificial intelligence........... ;D
I was feeling sorry for myself because I couldn't afford new bike boots, until I met a man with no legs.

So I said, "Hey mate, you haven't got any bike boots you don't need, do you?"

"Crazy is a very misunderstood term, it's a fine line that some of us can lean over and still keep our balance" (thanks RB550Four)

Offline dave500

  • Really Old Timer ...
  • *******
  • Posts: 17,244
  • WHAT?no gravy?
Re: Joke, or mood lightener of the day.
« Reply #329 on: February 26, 2021, 03:55:13 AM »
i went for a covid test today,the doctor asked me if id lost my sense of taste?i replied no, i always dress like this.

Offline Don R

  • My Sandcast is a
  • Really Old Timer ...
  • *******
  • Posts: 21,265
  • Saver of unloved motorcycles.
Re: Joke, or mood lightener of the day.
« Reply #330 on: February 26, 2021, 08:38:01 AM »
HA!^
No matter how many times you paint over a shadow, it's still there.
 CEO at the no kill motorcycle shop.
 You don't need a weatherman to know which way the wind blows.

Offline Alan F.

  • We remember the Night Rider, and we know who you are.
  • Really Old Timer ...
  • *******
  • Posts: 7,572
Re: Joke, or mood lightener of the day.
« Reply #331 on: February 26, 2021, 09:17:40 AM »
i went for a covid test today,the doctor asked me if id lost my sense of taste?i replied no, i always dress like this.



Offline grcamna2

  • Not a
  • Really Old Timer ...
  • *******
  • Posts: 15,876
  • I love to restore & travel. Keep'em Going Strong !
Re: Joke, or mood lightener of the day.
« Reply #332 on: February 26, 2021, 11:50:21 AM »
Ha ha, “Old Timers” disease is definitely taking over Bill, I left a frying pan on the gas cooktop for 3 hours on Wednesday, and forgot my wallet on a ride recently, then walked around my roof today, drunk, looking for possum ingress points (found it!) so it won’t be long before I check into the “Shady Trees home for the terminally confused”. Oh well, as long as I get lots of lovely drugs, I’ll be happy. ;D

Terry,you walked around your roof,or crawled on your roof ??  ;D
75' CB400F/'bunch o' parts'
  I love the small ones too !
Do your BEST...nobody can take that away from you.

Offline Terry in Australia

  • Really Old Timer ...
  • *******
  • Posts: 33,511
  • So, what do ya wanna talk about today?
Re: Joke, or mood lightener of the day.
« Reply #333 on: February 26, 2021, 05:14:52 PM »
Ha ha, “Old Timers” disease is definitely taking over Bill, I left a frying pan on the gas cooktop for 3 hours on Wednesday, and forgot my wallet on a ride recently, then walked around my roof today, drunk, looking for possum ingress points (found it!) so it won’t be long before I check into the “Shady Trees home for the terminally confused”. Oh well, as long as I get lots of lovely drugs, I’ll be happy. ;D

Terry,you walked around your roof,or crawled on your roof ??  ;D

Danced around it like Rudolf Nureyev Bill, alcohol does that to me, apart from hard parachute landings and a few bike crashes, most of my injuries have been sustained under the influence. (fighting, falling from heights, etc) I climbed up the ladder, walked around the roof until I located where those big furry tree rats were getting in, climbed back down, found a couple of nice heavy pavers, climbed back up the ladder with the pavers, walked back over the roof and shoved them into the gap. All without falling off and killing myself, woohoo!

This morning I awoke to the sound of a possum desperately trying to move the pavers out of the way. To give the fruit munching POS his due he worked hard for about 30 minutes, and I did think about walking out with my BSA .22 air rifle and shooting him up the arse, but decided against it, people here get all antsy when you start wandering around the neighbourhood with a rifle, even an air rifle, so I just lay there laughing as he tried to get in.

I had some workmen coming over so eventually got out of bed and wandered outside and looked up at the area I'd blocked off, and saw that the pavers haven't moved, so I win, and the possums can fcuk right off and find someone else to torment. ;D
I was feeling sorry for myself because I couldn't afford new bike boots, until I met a man with no legs.

So I said, "Hey mate, you haven't got any bike boots you don't need, do you?"

"Crazy is a very misunderstood term, it's a fine line that some of us can lean over and still keep our balance" (thanks RB550Four)

Offline Alan F.

  • We remember the Night Rider, and we know who you are.
  • Really Old Timer ...
  • *******
  • Posts: 7,572
Re: Joke, or mood lightener of the day.
« Reply #334 on: February 26, 2021, 07:15:41 PM »
My girlfriend is reading stuff from Facebook trying to cheer me up after my post moments ago on the pissed-off thread, which was of course followed up by an extra stressful WiFi reset... I swear to god I'm gonna start carrying a HAMMER everywhere I go!

She asks, "Is butt cheeks one word or should I spread them apart?"

https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=butt%20cheek
« Last Edit: February 26, 2021, 07:18:04 PM by Alan F. »

Offline grcamna2

  • Not a
  • Really Old Timer ...
  • *******
  • Posts: 15,876
  • I love to restore & travel. Keep'em Going Strong !
Re: Joke, or mood lightener of the day.
« Reply #335 on: February 26, 2021, 07:26:42 PM »
Ha ha, “Old Timers” disease is definitely taking over Bill, I left a frying pan on the gas cooktop for 3 hours on Wednesday, and forgot my wallet on a ride recently, then walked around my roof today, drunk, looking for possum ingress points (found it!) so it won’t be long before I check into the “Shady Trees home for the terminally confused”. Oh well, as long as I get lots of lovely drugs, I’ll be happy. ;D

Terry,you walked around your roof,or crawled on your roof ??  ;D

Danced around it like Rudolf Nureyev Bill, alcohol does that to me, apart from hard parachute landings and a few bike crashes, most of my injuries have been sustained under the influence. (fighting, falling from heights, etc) I climbed up the ladder, walked around the roof until I located where those big furry tree rats were getting in, climbed back down, found a couple of nice heavy pavers, climbed back up the ladder with the pavers, walked back over the roof and shoved them into the gap. All without falling off and killing myself, woohoo!

This morning I awoke to the sound of a possum desperately trying to move the pavers out of the way. To give the fruit munching POS his due he worked hard for about 30 minutes, and I did think about walking out with my BSA .22 air rifle and shooting him up the arse, but decided against it, people here get all antsy when you start wandering around the neighbourhood with a rifle, even an air rifle, so I just lay there laughing as he tried to get in.

I had some workmen coming over so eventually got out of bed and wandered outside and looked up at the area I'd blocked off, and saw that the pavers haven't moved, so I win, and the possums can fcuk right off and find someone else to torment. ;D

Terry,are those "pavers" actually big slabs of asphalt which broke-free from the tarmac? Did you use big enough slabs so they were too heavy for those critters to push out of the way next time ?  :)
75' CB400F/'bunch o' parts'
  I love the small ones too !
Do your BEST...nobody can take that away from you.

Offline Terry in Australia

  • Really Old Timer ...
  • *******
  • Posts: 33,511
  • So, what do ya wanna talk about today?
Re: Joke, or mood lightener of the day.
« Reply #336 on: February 27, 2021, 02:45:27 AM »
Ha ha, “Old Timers” disease is definitely taking over Bill, I left a frying pan on the gas cooktop for 3 hours on Wednesday, and forgot my wallet on a ride recently, then walked around my roof today, drunk, looking for possum ingress points (found it!) so it won’t be long before I check into the “Shady Trees home for the terminally confused”. Oh well, as long as I get lots of lovely drugs, I’ll be happy. ;D

Terry,you walked around your roof,or crawled on your roof ??  ;D

Danced around it like Rudolf Nureyev Bill, alcohol does that to me, apart from hard parachute landings and a few bike crashes, most of my injuries have been sustained under the influence. (fighting, falling from heights, etc) I climbed up the ladder, walked around the roof until I located where those big furry tree rats were getting in, climbed back down, found a couple of nice heavy pavers, climbed back up the ladder with the pavers, walked back over the roof and shoved them into the gap. All without falling off and killing myself, woohoo!

This morning I awoke to the sound of a possum desperately trying to move the pavers out of the way. To give the fruit munching POS his due he worked hard for about 30 minutes, and I did think about walking out with my BSA .22 air rifle and shooting him up the arse, but decided against it, people here get all antsy when you start wandering around the neighbourhood with a rifle, even an air rifle, so I just lay there laughing as he tried to get in.

I had some workmen coming over so eventually got out of bed and wandered outside and looked up at the area I'd blocked off, and saw that the pavers haven't moved, so I win, and the possums can fcuk right off and find someone else to torment. ;D

Terry,are those "pavers" actually big slabs of asphalt which broke-free from the tarmac? Did you use big enough slabs so they were too heavy for those critters to push out of the way next time ?  :)

No, they're pretty much like clay house bricks Bill, but about half the thickness. Heavy as #$%* though, and there was no way those turds were gonna get them out. I hope they come back tomorrow for another try, and if they do I'll go outside and throw rocks at them. ;D
I was feeling sorry for myself because I couldn't afford new bike boots, until I met a man with no legs.

So I said, "Hey mate, you haven't got any bike boots you don't need, do you?"

"Crazy is a very misunderstood term, it's a fine line that some of us can lean over and still keep our balance" (thanks RB550Four)

Offline Don R

  • My Sandcast is a
  • Really Old Timer ...
  • *******
  • Posts: 21,265
  • Saver of unloved motorcycles.
Re: Joke, or mood lightener of the day.
« Reply #337 on: March 01, 2021, 05:44:57 PM »
  Scientists mixed the dna from a hippopotamus, elephant and Rhinoceros. Do you know what they got?
   Hellifino.
No matter how many times you paint over a shadow, it's still there.
 CEO at the no kill motorcycle shop.
 You don't need a weatherman to know which way the wind blows.

Offline dave500

  • Really Old Timer ...
  • *******
  • Posts: 17,244
  • WHAT?no gravy?
Re: Joke, or mood lightener of the day.
« Reply #338 on: March 02, 2021, 12:52:41 AM »
wife took the dog to the vet said it couldnt hear properly,vet said its just got too much ear hair,so he sent her to the chemist to get hair remover,the chemist said that stuff might sting on your legs,she said just between you and me its for my little schnauzer,he replied well you wont be riding a bicycle for two weeks then!

Offline grcamna2

  • Not a
  • Really Old Timer ...
  • *******
  • Posts: 15,876
  • I love to restore & travel. Keep'em Going Strong !
Re: Joke, or mood lightener of the day.
« Reply #339 on: March 02, 2021, 01:19:09 AM »
Lol  ;D
75' CB400F/'bunch o' parts'
  I love the small ones too !
Do your BEST...nobody can take that away from you.

Offline Alan F.

  • We remember the Night Rider, and we know who you are.
  • Really Old Timer ...
  • *******
  • Posts: 7,572
Re: Joke, or mood lightener of the day.
« Reply #340 on: March 02, 2021, 06:40:47 AM »
Lol  ;D
Got a good chuckle out of that one myself!

Offline Don R

  • My Sandcast is a
  • Really Old Timer ...
  • *******
  • Posts: 21,265
  • Saver of unloved motorcycles.
Re: Joke, or mood lightener of the day.
« Reply #341 on: March 02, 2021, 09:25:59 AM »
 HA!^
No matter how many times you paint over a shadow, it's still there.
 CEO at the no kill motorcycle shop.
 You don't need a weatherman to know which way the wind blows.

Offline Terry in Australia

  • Really Old Timer ...
  • *******
  • Posts: 33,511
  • So, what do ya wanna talk about today?
Re: Joke, or mood lightener of the day.
« Reply #342 on: March 02, 2021, 04:35:20 PM »
What do you call a Deer with no eyes? No idea...... ;D
I was feeling sorry for myself because I couldn't afford new bike boots, until I met a man with no legs.

So I said, "Hey mate, you haven't got any bike boots you don't need, do you?"

"Crazy is a very misunderstood term, it's a fine line that some of us can lean over and still keep our balance" (thanks RB550Four)

Offline Alan F.

  • We remember the Night Rider, and we know who you are.
  • Really Old Timer ...
  • *******
  • Posts: 7,572
Re: Joke, or mood lightener of the day.
« Reply #343 on: March 02, 2021, 05:56:15 PM »
What do you call a Deer with no eyes? No idea...... ;D

What do you call a Deer with no eyes and no balls?

No F'n idea.

Offline Alan F.

  • We remember the Night Rider, and we know who you are.
  • Really Old Timer ...
  • *******
  • Posts: 7,572
Re: Joke, or mood lightener of the day.
« Reply #344 on: March 02, 2021, 06:27:13 PM »
Ok, I can't resist....

What do you call a Deer with no eyes, no balls and no legs?

Still no F'n idea.






Where do you find a Deer with no eyes, no balls and no legs?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Right where you left him.  8)

Offline Terry in Australia

  • Really Old Timer ...
  • *******
  • Posts: 33,511
  • So, what do ya wanna talk about today?
Re: Joke, or mood lightener of the day.
« Reply #345 on: March 02, 2021, 09:43:47 PM »
Ok, I can't resist....

What do you call a Deer with no eyes, no balls and no legs?

Still no F'n idea.






Where do you find a Deer with no eyes, no balls and no legs?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Right where you left him.  8)


What do you call a deer with no eyes, no legs, no balls, and lays in front of your front door?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Matt........ ;D
I was feeling sorry for myself because I couldn't afford new bike boots, until I met a man with no legs.

So I said, "Hey mate, you haven't got any bike boots you don't need, do you?"

"Crazy is a very misunderstood term, it's a fine line that some of us can lean over and still keep our balance" (thanks RB550Four)

Offline Steve F

  • I have "some-timer's disease" because I'm an
  • Old Timer
  • ******
  • Posts: 2,928
  • "To Ride Is The Reason, The Destination The Excuse
Re: Joke, or mood lightener of the day.
« Reply #346 on: March 02, 2021, 10:42:48 PM »
What do you call a fish missing an eye
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.Fsssh

Offline Terry in Australia

  • Really Old Timer ...
  • *******
  • Posts: 33,511
  • So, what do ya wanna talk about today?
Re: Joke, or mood lightener of the day.
« Reply #347 on: March 02, 2021, 10:52:50 PM »
What do you call a hooker with a runny nose?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Full. ;D
I was feeling sorry for myself because I couldn't afford new bike boots, until I met a man with no legs.

So I said, "Hey mate, you haven't got any bike boots you don't need, do you?"

"Crazy is a very misunderstood term, it's a fine line that some of us can lean over and still keep our balance" (thanks RB550Four)

Offline ewanhughes

  • Enthusiast
  • **
  • Posts: 124
  • nil illegitimi carborundum
Re: Joke, or mood lightener of the day.
« Reply #348 on: March 03, 2021, 01:12:30 AM »
What do you call a hooker with a runny nose?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Full. ;D


Hahahahaha.......you've taken this thread to a whole new level Terry.  ;D ;D
1978 CB400f
1976 CB550

Offline 70CB750

  • Labor omnia vincit improbus.
  • Really Old Timer ...
  • *******
  • Posts: 14,816
  • Northern Virginia
Re: Joke, or mood lightener of the day.
« Reply #349 on: March 05, 2021, 06:34:30 AM »
I debated a guy, that believed that Earth was flat. He got so mad, he stormed off saying he would walk to the edge of the Earth to prove me wrong. He'll come around eventually.
Prokop
_______________
Pure Gas - find ethanol free gas station near you

I love it when parts come together.

Dorothy - my CB750
CB750K3F - The Red
Sidecar


CB900C

2006 KLR650