Author Topic: Joke, or mood lightener of the day. (Read 107085 times)

dave500 · « **Reply #75 on:** September 04, 2020, 03:15:22 AM »

i went into a bar one arvo and ordered a double bourbon,scoffed it down and when the bar keep asked me for 5 bucks i told him i aint got no money,he threw me out so i went to the next bar,same thing and the next bar and so on until by night fall im back at the first bar,as soon as i walked in the bar keep says hey wernt you in here earlier on?i said no ive never been here before,he said in that case you must have a double,i replied great make it a bourbon!

dhall57 · « **Reply #76 on:** September 05, 2020, 03:44:52 AM »

What's the best day of the week to go to the dentist.

Toothsday

What is hard, red and not very good for your teeth.

A brick

dave500 · « **Reply #77 on:** September 05, 2020, 04:01:44 AM »

i went to my doctor and said hey doc every time i move my arm like this it hurts,he said dont move your arm like that then!

dhall57 · « **Reply #78 on:** September 05, 2020, 04:05:48 AM »

Walmart is lowering prices every day, so why isn't anything in the store free yet?"
:

"They say money talks. But all mine ever says is goodbye."

dave500 · « **Reply #79 on:** September 05, 2020, 04:31:07 AM »

my doctor said i got six months to live and handed me the bill,i said ill never be able to pay this bill in six months!being such a great doctor he gave me another six months to live!

spotty · « **Reply #80 on:** September 05, 2020, 04:39:31 AM »

if money can't buy happiness, explain motorcycles and beer

RAFster122s · « **Reply #81 on:** September 05, 2020, 12:31:25 PM »

Sorry if you are a hipster type who wants to know the gear a reviewer wore while doing an online review of a motorcycle. We won't get along.

dave500 · « **Reply #82 on:** September 06, 2020, 12:40:38 AM »

i went to the shrink and said doctor i cant stop singing the green green grass of home!,he said youve got Tom jones syndrome,i said that would be rare?he replied as a mater of fact its not unusual.

333 · « **Reply #83 on:** September 06, 2020, 09:04:51 PM »

Man hospitalized with six toy plastic horses up his ass.

Doctors describe his condition as stable.

Don R · « **Reply #84 on:** September 10, 2020, 01:31:19 PM »

My wife cracked up on that one. ^

dave500 · « **Reply #85 on:** September 10, 2020, 06:11:12 PM »

when i was a kid at school we went on a day trip to a little farm,see the cows learn about where food comes from,next day the teacher says one by one tell me and mimic a noise you heard on the farm yesterday,first little girl in the front row goes "Moo",next kid goes "quack",next kid "bahh" until it comes to my turn,i said id rather not,the teacher got irate and demanded that i make the noise as loud and clear as possible,so i said ok and cupped my hands to my mouth "GET OFF THE #$%*ING TRACTOR!!"

Don R · « **Reply #86 on:** September 10, 2020, 08:46:36 PM »

The stay off the tractor was my Grandpa's most often heard saying. 46 Farmall cub, I don't think it had a key switch. A couple years ago I heard myself say it to my granddaughter. That was shocking.

dave500 · « **Reply #87 on:** September 12, 2020, 11:48:22 PM »

my old mum got stopped by a cop,he said she was doing 70 miles an hour,she argued how could i? ive only been driving for ten minutes!

RAFster122s · « **Reply #88 on:** September 13, 2020, 12:36:39 AM »

RAFster122s · « **Reply #89 on:** September 13, 2020, 12:38:05 AM »

dave500 · « **Reply #90 on:** September 13, 2020, 12:48:43 AM »

RAFster122s · « **Reply #91 on:** September 13, 2020, 12:51:33 AM »

RAFster122s · « **Reply #92 on:** September 13, 2020, 12:52:34 AM »

70CB750 · « **Reply #93 on:** September 13, 2020, 03:48:28 AM »

After I left the bar I saw fitness center and the sign said:

"Reach beyond your limit!"

So I went back and had another ten beers.

dhall57 · « **Reply #94 on:** September 13, 2020, 05:04:44 AM »

Where would a waitress that only has one leg work at?
IHOP

70CB750 · « **Reply #95 on:** September 15, 2020, 03:14:32 AM »

If Satan ever looses his hair there will be one hell of toupee.

70CB750 · « **Reply #96 on:** September 15, 2020, 07:31:12 AM »

RAFster122s · « **Reply #97 on:** September 15, 2020, 10:37:42 AM »

Don R · « **Reply #98 on:** September 15, 2020, 03:46:06 PM »

What do you call a girl with one short leg? Ilean.

RAFster122s · « **Reply #99 on:** September 15, 2020, 03:49:23 PM »

I'm sorry....

I didn't mean to push all your buttons,
I was looking for mute.

News:

Author Topic: Joke, or mood lightener of the day. (Read 107085 times)