The white/black wire from the CDI is open when the key is on, or the handlebar kill switch is set to "run", and connected to ground when the key is off, or the handlebar kill switch is set to either "off" position. This wire should be connected to relay post 87a, and post 30 should be connected to ground, along with post 85. Post 86 should go to the m-unit or the keyswitch, so that it has 12V when the key is on, operating the relay and removing the ground from the white/black wire.
The handlebar kill switch has a green ground wire along with the white/black wire. The green wire should be grounded, and the white/black should connect to the same white/black that runs from the CDI to the relay, so that either condition kills the motor.
The starter is a separate circuit. Are you using the neutral switch-clutch switch safety system? If so, that's where the ground comes from for the solenoid: the starter will only operate with the trans in neutral and/or with the clutch pulled in.