Topic: Harley-Humour Thread: My First

[burmashave]

O.K., I thought I'd never need to start my own Harley thread, but I've seen some humour that is just too good to be selfish about.  I'm tooling down a back street yesterday, and about 1,000 metres (1,000 yards off), I spot a Harley.  This is not hard.  It's not as hard is what our Allied soldiers -- who even studied sillouettes on their playing cards -- had to do in WWII.  Even at this distance, I can tell he's wearing a fairly new Harley hoodie because I can see a trim of clean Harley orange.

Well, I know I'm in for humor.  As I close up to him at an intersection, my humor is confirmed:
             

• Brandy new Harley hoodie.
• A forced coolness in the way he puts his feet up on the highway pegs from each intersection.
• This is rich: He's got a black bowl-type helmet.  It looks like it just came out of the box minutes before this ride.  I should have checked for bits of packing styrofoam.
• Better, it has about 12 stickers on it. Each sticker is the same: about 2 cm (3/4 inches) by 6 cm (2 1/2 inches).  Each is nearly identical -- white border on black --  with different sayings.
• Better still, each one has been placed in a way that screamed, "I put these on my helmet one night while dreaming about being cool on my Hog."
• I am literally, and I do mean literally, almost in tears at this moment.  Then, around the corner, comes another wannabee on his Hog. 
• Hog rider #2 gives a *big* wave to Hog rider number #1.  Number two does this in a way that screams, "I am trying so very hard to make this look cool.  It reminds me of two high school students doing their best to be cool at a greet, or mebbe two terminally middle class guys trying to look like they got soul.

               
I just had to share this, but I'll share another almost equally as humourus (to me if no one else).  I pulled in to my favorite grilled food stand.  You know, that kind of local place that's old, dirty and greasy but legendary among locals.  It's a stand, closed on **three sides with giant glass**, and without seats in it's little waiting area.  Think 1950's, which coincidentally, would be the same age as some of the grease in the open kitchen.

Scene set, a brandy new Hog rolls in with a rider of equally new vintage.  I'm at the picnic table ready to take this in.  As he strips down, he is wearing:

  1) Brandy new Hog leather jacket with patches fore and aft.
  2) Brandy new Hog leather vest underneath with patches fore and aft.
  3) Brandy new Hog t-shirt underneath with logos for and aft.
  4) Brandy new Hog boots sans scratches.
         
He rolls up within 2 metres (2 yards) of to the stand.  Now, remember that the stand is enclosed by 270 degrees (270 degrees) of glass that reaches about 1.5 metres (15 feet) high.  He now gently lays his leather jacket and vest on his bike (where they could have easily been lifted despite the glass).  Now, this nimrod pushes the key fob and activates the alarm: "chirp chirp."  Hoo hoo, he walks into this glass enclosed stand and orders up some food while standing no more than 3 metres (9 feet) away from his alarmed Hog, and separated by about 35 sq. metres (350 sq. feet) of plate glass.

By contrast, last night I rolled into a fundraising dinner where I was to do a formal presentation.  I was in my car, and the only space available was right next to a black goldwing that I would guess dates to '76-'77.  The bike showed cosmetic age, but I gotta believe it's in good mechanical condition because it's still running.

I was there to do a formal presentation; however, as I'm doing the presentation, I spot a guy with a mass of beard and hugely beaten leather vest on.  I snagged him just as he was about to slip out the door.  "That your goldwing out there?"  "Yeah."  "Man that is cool." (me)  "He smiles quietly and says, "They are sweet."  "Yeah," says I.  He walks away.

Now, if you've gotten this far, this windbag (me) signs off.

[kslrr]

Yea, wannabe cool Harley riders are almost as funny as those young idiots on the plastic crouch rockets that show off by doing wheelies down my street at 1am.  Every genre of motorcycling has it's truely cool and it's wannabes and idiots.

[Raul CB750K1]

In Spain, the long-time Harley enthusiasts are migrating into some kind of no-logo trend. They chop off everything from the bike that says the brand name, even painting the gas tanks. They don't want to be confused with the people that buy a Harley as a fashionable object.



Raul

[dusterdude]

now that was funny,i would have laughed my ass off too.

[Bikebuff]

Okay, that was too funny 

Now, imagine if you will, actually living in Milwaukee, Wisconsin USA, aka: the Harley capital where it all got started.  I live here and see sights like Burmashave has described-the 100th anniversary was something to see if you like that sort of train-wreck type of thing.  I wonder if these people realize they look and act ridiculous?  It's interesting to me that most Harley riders seem fit to have this "attitude" when they are clearly riding to be seen-similar to Raul's assertion that some Harley people buy one as a fashion object.  Am I missing something??? I thought motorcycling was about riding/wrenching and commeraderie, not pretending to be an Outlaw and threatening to kick someone's a%$. 

[burmashave]

You know, Bikebuff, I was thinking the same thing today as I pulled up next to a Harley at an intersection.  As I looked over at the bike, I longed for a bumper sticker that says:

I'm not admiring your hog
I'm laughing at you

I mean, the guy I saw today wasn't really laughable, but I had to check him out in case I might miss a good joke. ;-)

[Gordon]

Now to be fair, at least, there are plenty of these same types riding around on any number of the Japanese Harley wanna-be bikes, too.  The main difference is they're either a little poorer or a little smarter because they didn't spend nearly as much.

[greenjeans]

posuers...... for our entertainment.

[DammitDan]

Or as my brother in law calls them...

SWIPES!

First they swipe their credit card for the bike, then they swipe their credit card for the gear, then they swipe their credit card for the 300lbs of shiney accessories...

Swipe = Instant Badass 

[toycollector10]

I was on a track day last month. A guy on a Sportie was riding in my class, we raced a bit. After about 8 laps the guy was only about 100 yards ahead of me then we got waved off. He was faster on the straits but I held my own in the cornering. After I parked up he came up to my bike and bent down and looked at my rear tyre, felt the heat in it then wiped it off, gave me a smile and walked away. He could ride all right, no mistake, but I think he was sort of thinking to himself  "how come that skinny little 750 can hang in there with my HD". The only guy I have ever seen on a HD on a track day so there is an exception.

[nickjtc]

Or as my brother in law calls them...
SWIPES!

...as opposed to a$$wipes??

[nickjtc]

Two Harley stories. Not really funny, in the big picture, but you'll get the drift.

I was teaching a licenced riders course and one of the students was a lady DJ from the local hard rock station, riding a HD. Quite well, I might add. We got talking, so I asked her what was with the whole Harley wave thing. Her response was that this had been discussed amonst the faithful in the HOG magazine, or somesuch, and the net result was that when you ride an icon you don't need to acknowledge anyone else.

As we all know, the correct stance when waiting at a red light or stop sign (we do stop, don't we??) is the three pointer: front wheel/rear wheel and left foot down, in first gear, ready to go. Right foot up on the rear brake pedal, holding the 'bike, leaving the right hand to work the throttle. Anyhoo halfway through a course one of the students (in Q and A period) raises his hand and says that he visited the local HD emporium and was talking about his training. When he mentioned the three point stance he was told by the owner of said emporium that when riding a HD you always come to a stop, put the 'bike into neutral, put both feet down, and drape your hands nonchalontly over the 'bars. Looking cool, no doubt. With the appropriate leer on your (beanie helmeted) face.

[kslrr]

You do put both feet down because they are heavier and the center of gravity is higher.  My HD dealer said that putting it into neutral was not a good idea in case you had to get out of a situation quickly.  I do from time to time just to give my left hand a rest.

[nickjtc]

You do put both feet down because they are heavier and the center of gravity is higher. 

Sorry to be controversial, but the stop protocol applies to all 'bikes.

So what happens if you stop on a hill? How do you stop the 'bike from rolling backwards when you want to move off?

[kslrr]

I use the front brake.  I apply the brake with 2 fingers while also operating the throttle.  That way I have both feet to maintain balance in case the cage in front of me does not move quickly which is usually the case.

[medic09]

I use the three point stance (also popular for reasons of vertical developmental delay), but my lovely wife swears that they taught two feet down (bike in first gear) at her MSF class.

[oldbiker]

I don't understand how a bike designed by Fred Flintstone can have such a big following!

[ofreen]

Sorry to be controversial, but the stop protocol applies to all 'bikes.

So what happens if you stop on a hill? How do you stop the 'bike from rolling backwards when you want to move off?

I don't remember anything about a '3 point stopping protocol' in either the beginner MSF course I sat through with my wife, or the ERC I took a few years ago.  Is this something new, maybe?  In any case, it doesn't seem very advisable to me.  You are more stable with both feet down, and it makes a big difference if it is windy or your footing is less than good.  I'm with kslrr.  If you are on a hill, you hold the bike with the front brake with a finger or two, and when ready to go, roll on the throttle.

[Steve F]

Sorry to be controversial, but the stop protocol applies to all 'bikes.

So what happens if you stop on a hill? How do you stop the 'bike from rolling backwards when you want to move off?

I don't remember anything about a '3 point stopping protocol' in either the beginner MSF course I sat through with my wife, or the ERC I took a few years ago.  Is this something new, maybe?  In any case, it doesn't seem very advisable to me.  You are more stable with both feet down, and it makes a big difference if it is windy or your footing is less than good.  I'm with kslrr.  If you are on a hill, you hold the bike with the front brake with a finger or two, and when ready to go, roll on the throttle.

A friend at work (Harley rider too) just got pulled over last week and issued a ticket for not putting both feet down at a stop.  That was the first time I ever heard that not doing so would get you a ticket.

[eldar]

Yeah I would say that cop either was having an asstastic day or was just an ass.  I stop however I feel is best. Sometimes it is 3 sometimes it is 4 point. Just depends on the circumstances. IF it is windy as all hell, which happens here quite a bit, I use 4. If just waiting in traffic, 3.

[Jonesy]

The only time I put the bike in neutral at a stop is on a cold day when I need to put my hands on the rocker cover to warm them up. (Of course, that's when I want a red light... and they're always green!)

[DammitDan]

A friend at work (Harley rider too) just got pulled over last week and issued a ticket for not putting both feet down at a stop.  That was the first time I ever heard that not doing so would get you a ticket.

I would have to say I'd fight that one...  I almost never put both feet down at a stop light.  There is one hill in my parents' town that you have to have a foot on the rear brake.  There is a stop light at the top of the rise (about 12% grade) that takes a mighty twist of the throttle to get going again.  It's hard enough in a car with a 5 speed...  I can't imagine trying to hold the front brake while twisting the throttle 1/4 open on that hill.

And what about bikes that don't HAVE a front brake?

[nickjtc]

All interesting stuff. And sorry that this has gone off-topic. As with everything else that we discuss in this forum, we are going to do what we want to do and no one will persuade us otherwise.

However, here is a reality check. If you stop on a hill the front brake is not as effective as the rear for holding you. If you doubt this get a friend to try to pull you backwards while you are just holding the front brake. It's moderately easy to do. Try the same with the rear.

Anyone who can accurately operate the throttle whilst holding the front brake gets my respect. However, I am unconvinced that it can be done on a routine basis.

And anyone who complains that they have to put two feet down at a stop because the bike is unstable (severe sidewinds excepted) or too heavy should perhaps re-think the size of their chosen mount.

Just my 44 cents worth. (4 cents + inflation.)

[dusterdude]

I don't understand how a bike designed by Fred Flintstone can have such a big following!

thats why you dont own one or two.

[ofreen]

And what about bikes that don't HAVE a front brake?

I wouldn't ride on the street without a front brake anymore than I'd ride with my eyes closed.

Anywy, it isn't that hard to work the throttle while controlling the front brake.  Just takes a little practice.  It is no different than covering the front brake with a couple of fingers while using the throttle, something the MSF promotes, ot at least used to.