Personally speaking, what I would like to do, is to try and detect if the plants do actually belong to anyone...
then I could befreind them and invite them over to a "swap and great" ( its like a swap meat except we wouldnt be swapping meat...unless they stayed for dinner of course and brought some meat with them, which would be unlikely if it was sunny say, cos who would carry meat around with them on a sunny day for too long, anyways i digress)
Anyways, if it was possible to detect the green fingered "owners" then I would invite them over, great them at the door, and begin the "swapping" part of the "swap-great" just as soon as it seemed "not to hasty" to indulge in said swapping material.....( NOT the same amount of time that a widow may have to be seen to be waiting before taking a new partner say for the sake of appearences)
It would go a bit like this......
"Hello, my name is karl, what is yours?"
"oh, Dave and Paul eh?" "thats interesting"
" would you like to come in for a coffee?"
"Two sugers Dave?" "and for you Paul?"
" No, of course its NO trouble at all to crush the very expensive hand picked beans myself with a morter and pestle"
" You want cream AND lemon in that you say Paul"
"maybe a biscuit or cake"
"No problem at all,it will only take me 35mins to run up the hill to the shop to get your favourite biscuits"
on returning, out of breath, an adequate time has now elapsed for politeness and reespect to have served its purpose, and I would swiftly move on to the matter at hand, even if that meant interupting folk when they were talking...........
"skin up then lads" " i know whats in the garden aint quite ready yet, but i thought you may have something in your pockets that would save me waiting?"
Thats what I would like to THINK i would do, what the angel on my right shoulder would be telling me to do........
However, the devil on my left would of course be encouraging me to "sneak" out at night under the cover of darkness, with my misses pantyhose on my head ( not because I am afraid someone will recognise me, but because i like wearing me misses pantyhose on me head, they smell so ...womenly...anyways i digress)
The "Devil" would be telling me, nay yelling at me, that there were more than enough of gods creation at hand to allow me to take just enough for myself ( and any friends that came to the "swap-n-great" that I was planning on having when i got back with my lucky find) and that no-one would notice unless i was too gready too soon......
Having "extracted" my new found greenery from said flower bed, (safe in the knowledge that sativum is in fact hermaphrodite till later on in its life cycle when it chooses which way to go dependent on enviromental factors, and even the lower male leaves can in some instances be stronger then another plants female top..it all depends on many many arbitary factors) anyways again,
I would then bind round the roots with some thread out of my wifes sewing box, and hang the proceeds of my nights "cunningness" ( remember the hose?) upside down in the airing cupboard to dry out SLOWLY and thoroughly.................( smoking fresh greenery is hell on the throat, so patientce!)
Then I would begin what I would deviently entitle.....
"karls Big wait" I would start the "wait" almost immediately, I would wake up in the morning "waiting", I would go to bed at night in a deep state of "meditative await" I would dream the dreams of a "waiter" And If anybody should ever ask what i was doing, I would be crafty, and say " I am not waiting for anything at all"
then i would have to do ALL THIS OVER again tommorrow, (waking up waiting) etc.
The devil would be telling me to "force them under the grill"
BUT I would IGNORE THIS ADVIce, knowing it to be false testimony off the old trickster....and would carry on with todays particular wait.
After much too much waiting indeed, (and at least three weeks of pretending not to be waiting)
I would "have a peep" in the cupboard, just a peep,just to check hows it going, in case anything at all was happening that shouldnt, like bugs or mildew, or neighbours that had found out about my cupboard (by claivoyence or other methods of divination) and were "Tunneling in" to deprive me off what by now must be rightfully mine.........
And then, what I would do, (and this is just my two cents worth , and just a personal opinion of course)
is sit back in the knowledge that when the wait had ended, so would my meat and great begin......
its nice to be sociable after all eh?
