Topic: My Dad's Situation, "At Rehab" UPDATE!

[bill440cars]

Can't this all be avoided by getting a "living will" at the get go ?

I know "I" am given these rights for my Father by some paper work he set up some time ago.

Man, I can't imagine that much drama in my life every day   Hang in there Bill

          Well, I'm not sure about "wills" period. I'm not real familiar with all the ins and outs, but it seems like that with a will, it can be taken to probate court and possibly turned around or could end up having to sell whatever and split the money. I'm thinking that an Irrevocable Trust (I think that's what it's called) might be something to look at. But, then again, I don't know. I'm going to ask the lawyer, with my Dad present, so Dad can get the info from the lawyer and maybe we can come to a firm decision on what we need to do, and get it done. If it was all cut and dried, when it was written and things went that way, that would be fine. But, we've heard from several folks in this thread who've had similar situations themselves. Shame you can't always depend on your own flesh and blood, to do the right thing.

          I've gotten to where I hate to even let my guard down any at all, cause I don't know what might happen next.
 
          My Parents had a will, in the beginning and after my Mother was gone, the Executors were going away and next thing I knew, I was it and then about Nov or Dec of 2006, my brother asked me if I was the Executor of the will , to which I said yes, as a matter of fact I am. Within just a few months (2-3), this whole problem started up. Next thing I knew, I was on the outside looking in! Even though I was treated like the "Black Sheep" of the family, I kept coming to see my Dad and within a few months, my Dad's head cleared up and he realized that David & Jan had been poisoning him against me and also treating him like a baby. At first I didn't really see just what they were doing and my Dad started complaining about their treatment of him and things started coming around and here we are. Thing is, I was always reluctant to say much about what I's like to have, in the event of their death and they never really asked me. Apparently my brother never had this problem. Then, when I was first appointed executor of the will and put on the bank account and all, I wasn't really told much else and didn't want to probe too much because I was concerned that Dad might get the idea that I was trying to take things over and all.

[bill440cars]

        Well folks, there will probably be some fireworks on Sunday morning! You see, I just got home from a trip to my Dad's place (which also has MY name on the deed now  ). I went down there last night, found the door locks had not been changed, like I thought they might be. I was relieved to find that out and to find that nothing had been torn up and the only thing I saw that was missing since my last visit was the TV in my Dad's bedroom. Now, the thing that really concerned me was the U-Haul trailer that was sitting out front at one end of the house.   I had gone out earlier Saturday and bought about $125 worth of Brinks brand keyed entry lock sets w/deadbolts and a couple of Brinks Security padlocks for a couple of things outside. I have to tell you that I was a whole lot tense and keyed up, but I managed to change the door knobs sets on all 3 outside doors. I couldn't disable the garage door opener the way I had planned, but I locked it with the original handle type lock that locks into the tracks on the side and then I clamped a large set of Vise Grips on the track, right above a door roller so that even if they have a key to unlock the original door lock, they still won't be able to raise the door and I feel like their attempts to raise the garage door, using the remote will eventually kick a breaker. The only drawback is that there are 2 sets of sliding doors and they have the standard flimsy lock on the handle along with a broom stick laying in the track. All he has to do is bust the glass, open the door and he's in. Wish I could have taken care of those. I didn't get the locks changed on the boat house either, I was real antsy to get out of there, without getting caught. I left my paperwork at home because I didn't want to take a chance of him getting a hold of it. Now, I need to get hold of my Dad later this morning (about 9AM) and tell him what I've done and what I've found. He knew I was going to change the locks (I was already thinking it, but he suggested it), he just didn't know when and I didn't want to put any stress on him. I'm trying to take it off! I'm so keyed up, I don't know if I'll get any sleep til tonight!

[DarkRider]

Just to clarify it was the home your father was living in that you changed the locks on and not the one your brother lives in correct? If so any further attempt by your brother to get in at this point will be break and enter...a criminal offence...if i recall my studies right from when i took my licencing test...it is an indictable offence more specifically..

[troppo]

From what bills been saying thats exactly the sort of advice he needs right now dark rider.
Lets hope this doesnt get messy

[DarkRider]

When i get up later today i can do some digging in on criminal codes if that will help?

[333]

Lets hope this doesnt get messy

I sort of hope they do.  Not for Bills sake, but for his brother.  Sometimes a drastic situation can open ones eyes about their own actions.  It's gotta be tough to break up a family.

[bill440cars]

Just to clarify it was the home your father was living in that you changed the locks on and not the one your brother lives in correct? If so any further attempt by your brother to get in at this point will be break and enter...a criminal offence...if i recall my studies right from when i took my licencing test...it is an indictable offence more specifically..

          Yes, it WAS th home my Dad was living in and, also the house my brother I mean David and his wife live in , belongs to my Dad as well. Dad and I are going after that one soon and looking to have them evicted. He wants them completely and totally out of his life so that they can't attempt to ever do anything like what they've tried to do. It was bad enough at first, but when they put him in that nursing home on a LONG TERM admission and tried to have him declared incapacitated so they could get "Guardianship" of him, THAT Really cooked their goose with him, as far as he's concerned! He's already letting folks know that he only has ONE son!

           My reward comes in things like last night when, at the end of the phone call, I told him that I was doing my very best to make sure that he was taken care of and allowed to make his own decisions and such, as long as he was able and also to assist him in any way that I could. And that my hopes were to give him as much peace of mind as I could and make it easier for him so sleep more peacefully. His response was that I was doing a great job and he was so grateful to have me trying to lookout for him.

           When I went there to my Dad's home last night, his cell phones (he has his old one and a new one that they bought, with his money, when they bought themselves ones ones last week) were nowhere in sight, so they have them too. It'll cost him penalty fees, to have the phones turned off, if Dad is still under contract, but Dad says he wants them turned off and I'm going for that this week. I'm also going to start the proceedings to get them off the place where they are living also and get my Dad's vehicles back. No telling how long it will take to get the message through to them and they back off and get out of our lives.

            Tomorrow will be another step in gettings things right.  

[DarkRider]

When you get a chance see about changing the latch on the garage door for the same reason you changed the other door locks..just because you dont know if they have a key for that or not...and as much as i hate to say this..maybe consider boarding up those sliding doors from the inside...Do it in such a way it isnt destructive but also in such a way that it will stop any further progress of entering the home through the slider. Even if you do it by putting something large in front of it...anything that will stop him from getting any further then the glass..

[333]

Report the phones as stolen to the cell provider.  It will save you the penalty, and in most cases allow you to get new ones at sale prices.  And the best thing is that when the old ones don't work anymore for David and Skank, they will not be able to use them on a new contract because of their "stolen" status.  And you get to keep the phone numbers that all your friends know.

[DarkRider]

Report the phones as stolen to the cell provider.  It will save you the penalty, and in most cases allow you to get new ones at sale prices.  And the best thing is that when the old ones don't work anymore for David and Skank, they will not be able to use them on a new contract because of their "stolen" status.  And you get to keep the phone numbers that all your friends know.

Thats a great idea!!

[ratfink56]

Bill, I'm in Harrison AR. If I can help in any way let me know. I'm new here but know what you are dealing with. Terry

[bill440cars]

From what bills been saying thats exactly the sort of advice he needs right now dark rider.
Lets hope this doesnt get messy

        Yeah, you never know when some seemly small bit of info or suggestion might be a very important piece at that. While I'm trying not to jump up and do something irrational or without thinking. I just hope I can get all the bases covered soon enough to keep them from getting much.

          I'm afraid that, before it's all over, it's gonna get quite messy at that. Although one possibility might be that realize that I'm doing my best to be at every turn she makes and decides that she can't win. And if that happens, she just might eventually pull out and leave the whole situation (including David). I have told my Dad that that just might happen that way and Dad said that if it did and David tried to come crawling back......It would Not do him any good because he's "Burned Too Many Bridges"!

[bill440cars]

When i get up later today i can do some digging in on criminal codes if that will help?

             Chris, You know that I appreciate any and all info and/or suggestion that is offered.

[bill440cars]

Lets hope this doesnt get messy

I sort of hope they do.  Not for Bills sake, but for his brother.  Sometimes a drastic situation can open ones eyes about their own actions.  It's gotta be tough to break up a family.

          Yeah, I agree that it IS tough to break up a family but when you get a rotted board on something, you remove it, right? Well, you can't get much more rotten that David.

[bill440cars]

         He went to the doctor today and my brother's wife called to let me know how it was going. Seems his memory is progressively getting worse and he's starting into the 1st stages of Altzheimer's and he's having to have oxygen all the time now. 

           This is from the first post of this thread and check what I quoted, it's been a year ago that my Dad was supposedly going into the 1st stages of Alzheimer's and his memory was getting progressively worse!      Right!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[bill440cars]

When you get a chance see about changing the latch on the garage door for the same reason you changed the other door locks..just because you dont know if they have a key for that or not...and as much as i hate to say this..maybe consider boarding up those sliding doors from the inside...Do it in such a way it isnt destructive but also in such a way that it will stop any further progress of entering the home through the slider. Even if you do it by putting something large in front of it...anything that will stop him from getting any further then the glass..

           Chris, I used the original garage door latch AND locked a large pair of my Vise Grips onto the track right above a door roller so that even if they managed to unlock the garage door lock, they still would have to be inside the garage to release the vise grips. At any rate, it they DO get into the house, I'll have them reported as "Breaking and Entering"! The next time I go to the house will probably be with a Sheriff's escort and they can observe first hand.

[bill440cars]

Report the phones as stolen to the cell provider.  It will save you the penalty, and in most cases allow you to get new ones at sale prices.  And the best thing is that when the old ones don't work anymore for David and Skank, they will not be able to use them on a new contract because of their "stolen" status.  And you get to keep the phone numbers that all your friends know.

          I will have to get that done. I never thought about no having to pay the penalty because the phone were "Stolen". Believe me, every bit of info, like this IS very much appreciated. I will be reporting his old and new phones as being stolen and will relate to them the situation between them and him and see how it turns out.

[DarkRider]

http://www.duhaime.org/LegalDictionary/B/BreakandEnter.aspx

Here is the canadian version of the criminal code when it comes to break and enter...im sure the american version is very simular.

Here is the part of it that would apply to your situation none the less..

    348. Every one who

        * breaks and enters a place with intent to commit an indictable offence therein,
        * breaks and enters a place and commits an indictable offence therein, or
        * breaks out of a place after committing an indictable offence therein, or entering the place with intent to commit an indictable offence therein,
        * is guilty
        * if the offence is committed in relation to a dwelling-house, of an indictable offence and liable to imprisonment for life, and
        * if the offence is committed in relation to a place other than a dwelling-house, of an indictable offence and liable to imprisonment for a term not exceeding ten years or of an offence punishable on summary conviction.

I was correct in identifying it as an Indictable offense. What is posted here is food for thought..i will be searching for the american version as well..

[my78k]

Well you were partially correct. It is a dual conviction type of offence. Depending on the severity and what else is done (i.e. combined with a theft if they remove anything) it could be treated either as a summary conviction (max penalty of 2 years less a day) or indictable. Sort of like a comparison of misdemeanour versus felony.

Bill, something to consider in regards to the garage is putting a good quality padlock through the track instead of the vise grips. I do this when I am going to out of town. If you position it right it is next to impossible to get an angle at it with bolt cutters...sure you can go nuts with an angle grinder but that creates a lot of noise and mess. That combined with photos of the set up would show to the sheriff that you took all reasonable steps to secure your dad's stuff. I would hate for him to be able to talk his way out of an issue with law enforcement saying that he assumed the vise grips were only on there to prevent an unwanted attack from someone outside the family while the home was uninhabited.

Dennis

[firecracker]

Another thought, Bill.

Call the local PD and ask for the officer that patrols your dad's neighborhood.  Just giving him a heads-up on the situation BEFORE anything goes down can help tremendously (if, and when, something happens).

Instead of treating you both like criminals until it gets sorted out, he'll be able to immediately deal with 'that guy' living in your dad's house.

[DarkRider]

Well you were partially correct. It is a dual conviction type of offence. Depending on the severity and what else is done (i.e. combined with a theft if they remove anything) it could be treated either as a summary conviction (max penalty of 2 years less a day) or indictable. Sort of like a comparison of misdemeanour versus felony.

Bill, something to consider in regards to the garage is putting a good quality padlock through the track instead of the vise grips. I do this when I am going to out of town. If you position it right it is next to impossible to get an angle at it with bolt cutters...sure you can go nuts with an angle grinder but that creates a lot of noise and mess. That combined with photos of the set up would show to the sheriff that you took all reasonable steps to secure your dad's stuff. I would hate for him to be able to talk his way out of an issue with law enforcement saying that he assumed the vise grips were only on there to prevent an unwanted attack from someone outside the family while the home was uninhabited.

Dennis

Kinda wondered if it it was in fact a dual/hybrid offense after i posted that. Funny enough that was one thing i paid a lot of attention to during my studies for my license. But given i last looked at the book that had those laws in it was back in april...not a suprise i wasnt completely on the mark.

[my78k]

lol...yeah it took me a while of re-thinking to be sure too. I am 33 years old now and was only 19 or so when I took law enforcement at College. Ofcourse now I work for the phone company so what the heck do I know about law!

Dennis

[DarkRider]

Either way between you, sam and i...im sure bill will have more then enough law info to fly by lol...

[seaweb11]

Dark Rider, my experience here in Canada is that a B&E isn't even really a crime.
I caught 2 guys in my store a few years back at midnight. Both were in the office rifling through my stuff.

I kicked the sh*t out of both of them and when the cops got there they flipped a coin to see who would have to take the 2 poopy pants to jail. Sniff, Sniff

Once there, they were let out and never charged with B&E???

I'm just happy I got to bruise my knuckles on their heads 1st!


I agree with the above comments on giving the PO in your area a heads up on your predicament.

[bill440cars]

       Hey guys, I'm Baaaaaaaacccccccccccccccckkkkkkkkkkkkk!!!!!!!!!

       


        Well, it's been a good day. I went down, picked my Dad up and headed to Little Rock for his first appointment. We didn't get off as soon as I had hoped and so I called my wife about rescheduling the 2nd one and she did. As I was going along, looking for the street that the Doctor's office was on, my Dad all of a sudden says  "There it is" and that was as I passed it. I turned around and went back ( I was also questioning him because it didn't seem like the area was right) and he was pointing at a house and I was beginning  to wonder about him, until I saw a sign on the side of the house that showed that it was indeed the Doctor's office. Now, supposedly my Dad was diagnosed with early stages of Alzheimer's about this time last year and his memory was said to be getting progressively worse. Seems to me that some decent testing is due. His family Doctor doesn't think he has it. Time will tell. I called  Dad's bank, while we were on our way to Little Rock and asked about when the bank account number would be changed and was told that it happened Friday! Another thing done to kill their chances of getting his money. I'm going to try to go down early enough tomorrow that I can check the House and the property for break-in or whatever.  I'm also going to the DMV there and make sure as to whose name the Dakota and the Grand Caravan are registered to. If one or both are still in his name, I'm getting ready to do the deed on  the place where they live, get one or both vehicles back, cut off those phones AND make them aware that Dad's place, along with where they live, is in Dad's name, as well as mine (by that time both places will be in our names). At this rate, it's going to be quite a while  before I can even think about working on a motorcycle.  After I get my Dad's van back, I'll check it over and plan on using it to  go down and take him to appointments and such (long as he needs to be in the nursing home). Then, I should be getting him out, see if he needs someone there all the time or periodic checking on and we'll accomplish whatever we need to. I've been getting all kinds of cooperation from all kinds of folks.

          Funny thing. For lunch, I took him to a Denney's that my Mom and my Dad went to for years (they started going there back in about 1964) and had this one waitress. We went there today and that SAME waitress is STILL working there, was there today and recognized my Dad.    THEN, I asked my Dad what he was going to get and he said, "She knows!" I said, "She Knows?" and sure enough she remembered what my Dad ALWAYS ordered (Dad says that she also always knew what my Mom wanted. I was shocked.  If it had been in a small town, I would have believed it without question, but In Little Rock? All in all, it's been a good day. More has been accomplished to keep them out and I've met their (Mom and Dad's) family Doctor and left copies of the Power of Attorney's along with a copy of the letter to revoke the previous ones. Dad can see that things are starting to come together for him. He's credit my efforts, for his being able to relax and get some quality peaceful sleep.

         My reward is the look on his face and knowing that he feels better about things.