Topic: My Dad's Situation, "At Rehab" UPDATE!

[ekim98]

Sorry I haven't posted here sooner. I started to read this twice and stopped. I can relate to it and it doesn't bring back many good memories from that time.

You and your all family are in my prayers. There might be a few of the younger members that can't relate yet to your situation but most of us can. Vent when you feel the need and we will listen the best we can.

[bill440cars]

Sorry I haven't posted here sooner. I started to read this twice and stopped. I can relate to it and it doesn't bring back many good memories from that time.

You and your all family are in my prayers. There might be a few of the younger members that can't relate yet to your situation but most of us can. Vent when you feel the need and we will listen the best we can.

                       No Problem and Thank You!

[Uncle Ernie]

Bobby, I like that song. Sort of remeniscent of ... crap- I can't remember his name.  Famous guitarist.  Cream.  At least I don't get embarrassed anymore, I just ask for help.  It's a song he wrote after his son died.  You know who I mean.  Anyway- is there a link I could listen to?  Who wrote it?

My father; I stuck his Bible and a Hershey Bar in his coffin and that's the last time I saw him.  I have no clue where he's buried even. 

[Terry in Australia]

Eric Clapton, Ernie. 

The song title is "King of Bohemia" and written by Richard Thompson. The Album is "Adieu False Heart" by Linda Rondstadt and Ann Savoy, here's a link:

http://www.ronstadt-linda.com/adieu.html

[Uncle Ernie]

Thanks Terry.

[malcolmgb]

The Clapton track you are trying to think of Ernie is 'Tears in Heaven'

[bill440cars]

         Well, went to see my Dad today. Was going to go Saturday but my brother called Sunday to tell me that Dad had taken a turn. It seems, according to my brother, my Dad threated to take a swing at my brother's wife and later at my brother! Monday, Dad was given some sort of test to see how well his brain was functioning and there was a possible score of 30 (my brother and his wife set it up).   Dad scored 25! Sure has all the appearances of them trying to put him in a nursing home and it ain't gonna happen, if I have anything to do with it! Dad was looking really good, when I got there today. Now, as I'm thinking about it, before (when I visited him, he seemed like he was a bit sluggish in his actions and the way he talked. Today, he seemed like himself and was talking that things hadn't changed from before all this started just a few months back. Dad seems to have had it with the way they're treating him. At any rate, suffice it to say it looks like my brother and his wife are disillusioned. My brother showed up , while I was there, and acted like I was supposed to let him know when I was coming. I just brushed it off and, with that, he left. I took Dad to lunch and, all in all, we had a great visit I'm reassured that things will go like I was originally told. So, we will see. Of course I will continue to see him when I can and may be able to go back Saturday. That's it for now and I want to thank you all again for your support and comments.

                                       Later on, Bill  

[my78k]

Nice to see some positives for you in this situation Bill!!!

I know there will be up days and down days so it is nice to be there during one of those up days!! Did you take any pics of the progress of any of the bikes for him to see? I bet he would get a kick out of seeing soem of the work you have been doing lately....

Dennis

[bill440cars]

Nice to see some positives for you in this situation Bill!!!

I know there will be up days and down days so it is nice to be there during one of those up days!! Did you take any pics of the progress of any of the bikes for him to see? I bet he would get a kick out of seeing soem of the work you have been doing lately....

Dennis

          Yeah, it was definitely an uplifting day! He really did seem like his old self alright! I really didn't have much time to spend with him and was going to need to leave by noon, so I could get back and pick my daughter up from work. But, when my brother realized I was there. He left and never came back (he was supposed to take Dad to lunch). So, I quickly called my wife to see if some arrangements could be made for our daughter and give us enough time to go and eat. As it turned out, I took him to his usual little cafe, we had a nice lunch & did some more talking. At one point, he said,"I sure wish your Mother was still here, I tried to get her to stop smoking!" Then I told him I was sure glad he was still with us and doing so well! Another thing, for sometime (whenever we went to eat somewhere with my parents) my Dad always insisted on paying and for some time now, I argued with him and I paid the bill. Now, (including this time) I say "This Is On Me", he says, "It IS?" and I tell him that he had his time, now it is MY time to do for him! So, he leaves the tip.   
             I didn't take any pictures with me this time. I haven't made to much actual progress lately but I have taken some in the past and I never leave without some reference to the "Old Days at the motorcycle shop", some reference to the Old Indian motorcycles and some about what I'm doing with what I've got.
             As I was preparing to leave, I reminded him to call if he needed anything.

             Haven't heard anything from my brother yet. He seemed to be a little rattled that I was there and he didn't know. You see, I didn't tell anyone I was coming! My brother had been telling me things and indicating that a nursing home was in Dad's future. I wanted to see how Dad was doing (& acting) and I wanted to see what was going on with my brother & his wife. Did anyone notice that my brother didn't stick around and visit with me? I wasn't surprised. I'll get out of here for now. Take care ALL! And Take care of your Parents!

                                      Later on, Bill                              

[medic09]

Hey Bill,

Sorry for the continued disappointment and aggravation with your brother.  Sounds like it is pretty well expected, eh?  I really glad you had such a good visit with your Dad.

God bless you with the strength and clarity to continue being a good husband, father, and son!   

[bill440cars]

Hey Bill,

Sorry for the continued disappointment and aggravation with your brother.  Sounds like it is pretty well expected, eh?  I really glad you had such a good visit with your Dad.

God bless you with the strength and clarity to continue being a good husband, father, and son!   

         Yeah, I think my brother and I are about to be history. I have tried SO Many times to turn things around with him, to no avail. He is so full of himself. Until my brother realizes that the world doesn't spin around him, it won't work.

          Thank you , we DID have a great visit. And it IS God who provides, as you know and things are done on HIS schedule.


                                       Later on, Bill
 

[jtb]

God bless you with the strength and clarity to continue being a good husband, father, and son!  

Ditto.  Have as many of these visits as you can, Bill.  They'll be your memories 10 years from now, and you'll treasure them.

John

[bill440cars]

God bless you with the strength and clarity to continue being a good husband, father, and son!   

Ditto.  Have as many of these visits as you can, Bill.  They'll be your memories 10 years from now, and you'll treasure them.

John

            Thanks John, I do the best I can and try to practice what my folks preached.   Funny how, at on point our parents didn't seem so smart and after we reach a certain age, they started seeming to get smarter as time went on. During the course of conversation, he brought up the fact that way back there, we didn't have much money at all and (Mom & Dad) really had to do some creative things to make ends meet (or at least come somewhat close). Mom was the force behind the saving up for their retirement and my brother wants to come along and spend it for my Dad! We've (my Wife and I) had told them (my Mom & Dad) to enjoy themselves, they earned it & don't worry about saving some for our inheritance! It's theirs (now, it's my Dad's, cause my Mom's gone) I restated that same thing to my Dad on this trip. I simply told him,"Whatever money you have is for your enjoyment, not mine or David's (my brother)!"

             Hopefully, the next stage of this, will be to report that my Dad has his life back and is in control of his life. He is fully aware that that I have quite a lot of things going on up here where I live and can't get down there as much as I'd like. He plans on remaining somewhat passive while they are around (which isn't much) and planning getting his will completely in order in the way that it should be and when things are taken care of, he's possibly going to have them evicted from their uh, his other house. You'd just have to know my brother to fully appreciate this. But, I'm glad you all don't cause he's not a desirable person (as he is now).

                                 Later on, Bill      
         

[DarkRider]

From the sounds of things bill your relationship sounds pretty much exactly the same as the one between myself and Vince (my half brother) only difference is i dont even have a clue where the hell he is now...i keep expecting to see mention of him in the obituaries in the paper sometimes knowing the mistakes his has made in the past. He has made so many mistakes now theres no chance of us really having much of a relationship as brothers...Im the same age as he was when i was born (24) and its pretty clear im the more mature one of us. He still drinks and does drugs like hes in is teens. In fact the last attempt he made at trying to patch things up between him and i went south because he ran from the rehab he was in with his latest gf. Im sorry to say if he were to show up where i live or at work now the first thing that would be occuring from my end would not be a hello..it would be a right hook...

[BobbyR]

My brother in Law is a POS and full of himself. When my Mother in Law passes may that be 100 years from now, I am going to kick his ass again. When my wife and I were dating he started curising her out up to the point he hit the ground. I figure I have one good ass whuppin left in me and I am saving it for him. Bill you are a good God fearing man and you will do what is right and God will do what is right. This thread struck a chord in me.

[bill440cars]

        Hey Chris & Bobby,  it seems like I've learned quite a bit from this thread myself. Oh yeah, I knew (in the back of my mind) that there were others who'd had and/or were having similar situations like mine (some not as bad and some, I'm sure were/are worse). I just an not, for the life of me, figure out how my brother can even hold his head up and show his face around my Dad, much less tell me that our Mom & Dad thought that HE should get most everything there is! My gosh, he's already gotten a house at the Lake w/ four lots (Dad's house, that I'm supposed to get, is on the lake w/ two lots. When I asked him (earlier this year) about him not making even one payment to Dad on his house, his response was, "I couldn't afford it!" Funny, he AFFORDED to buy a new Bass Boat, he AFFORDED to buy fishing gear and Hi-Performance parts for his truck! Right now, he's building on a truck for his son and yet tells me that He's Broke!!!!!!! Do you get more of an idea what he's like? Hard to believe that we are brothers.   You'd never know how special he was, to me, when he was born and up until I got married. That seems to be when things started to slip. But, that's history and I'm doing my best to concentrate on my Dad now. Trying to get things together so I can go down Saturday to cut his grass, trim it and take care of whatever I can that my brother won't even take the time to do. Don't remember it I said this or not but, my brother took the starter solenoid of my Dad's riding mower so Dad couldn't use it.

             Thanks again guys, Lord willing, we'll get this COMPLETELY settled soon!!!!!

                                Later on, Bill    
   

[DarkRider]

Ok..the more i read about this the more your brother sounds like a useless pos...come on taking a starter out of a lawnmower? thats just the start of isolation...i remember in earlier posts there were ideas tossed around to leave one of the bikes around for your dad to work on so he has something routine to do to keep himself occupied..being able to mow the grass is just as well if not easier to do and helps your dad feel like he can still do things. The way your brother seems to want it is that your dad is basicly treated like an invalid...which he doesnt sound like he is going by your recent posts.

[bill440cars]

         Dad's far from being an invalid. He is on oxygen and several medications but, he still seems pretty sharp. He doesn't have quite the strength he had, but he's EIGHTY TWO YEARS OLD. Basically what it amounts to is, my brother is getting put out cause Dad is taking some of my brother's "Precious Time!" My Dad even wanted me to pick up the motorcycles from him. He wasn't doing anything with them and he realized that it required more energy that he was able to muster up. He goes out in his shop and piddles with things on a limited basis. he has 2 computers there, one in a room in his shop and one in a room in the house. The mainest thing he does is play games on them though. He does have some info stored in he "My Documents" area but he's not set up to go online though. I'm gonna try to get him up here for "Thanksgiving" and maybe "Christmas". It'll all depend on how things stand at that time. If all goes as Dad has planned, my brother and his wife are liable to get evicted and, if that happens, I'll replace ALL the door locks and disable the garage door opener. I wouldn't put it past them to come in and take things or vandalize the place. Mainly, I really feel good that he seems to be his old self.

                                          Later on, Bill  

[Sam Green Racing]

Hang in there Billy, goodness will win in the end.

Sam.

[bill440cars]

Hang in there Billy, goodness will win in the end.

Sam.

            Thanks for that Sam.   Well, it's Saturday am and I'm getting ready to head out. If I can, I'm also hoping to return with some more pictures to look over and share with you all. Just have to see how it goes. My brother should be at work, but if his wife realizes that I'm there, she's liable to give him a call. I'm just hoping to go there, do Dad's yard work, cleanup around the place somewhat, take him to lunch and return home (without incident).   
             Talk to you all later this evening.

                                   Later on, Bill    

[Uncle Ernie]

Your idea of "goodness" may or may not play out. 
If you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans. 
Whatever happens- happens.  The only good thing to do is concentrate on your blessings, of which you have a couple of.  Maybe even 3 blessings. 
Look under the couch cushions and you may find one or two more.  Go on- I'll wait...

[Uncle Ernie]

                                                                                                 .













Well, that took long enough.  let's see-

Son of a gun!  That makes four blessings!  Good for you.   You're a rich man, whether you like it or not.
Get over your brother.  All the irritation in the world, packed in to a box with a ribbon on it, will not change him, your father, or any future outcome of anything.  It may make you lose some hair, or have a stroke.  Yeeessss- I KNOW this. 
Talk to your old pal Cosmo.  He may not come when you want him, but He's always right on time.

Tough love.  Denny Crane.

[dustyc]

I think you should get all the stuff you've worked out here together and have a sit down with your brother.  Time to set him straight on a few things.  If you love him, make sure that's in there as well, but I think you should let him know where things stand.  We're a great sounding board, but all of this will remain unresolved until you start to resolve it.  I think just saying your peace to him will help your wellbeing quite a bit.

He may have some issues with you that you didn't realize also, so keep your ears open to what he has to say as well.

Wishing the best to you and your family.
-Dusty

[bill440cars]

          Well Folks, I'm Back! I went there to help my Dad by taking care of his yardwork, which was grown up beyond belief and Dad could do anything about it with a "Disabled" riding mower. Kinda hard to use a push mower in his condition. He never was god with a gas weed eater either. My brother lives a little less than a mile away and just can't seem to take the time to help him out. He only works 3 days a week (12hr days). Poor soul does seem to get in his FISHING time though. I found out that, (earlier this year) when I was thought to have taken some of Dad's money, my Dad just had forgotten about changes he had made but, my brother steered him in the direction of my taking his money (since I was in control of things, should my Dad not be able to take care of his business). I worked mu buns off on my Dad's place and only got the grass cut, yard fully trimmed, porch swept cobwebs and vines removed, dirt removed from the curved driveway and walkway in the front. There was the skid, cardboard boxing and some foam packing laying beside the house, from a new a/c unit that had been replace several months ago and I removed that by loading it into my van and bringing home. Upon moving that scrap, I uncovered my Dad's sheet metal Brake that my brother had gotten out to use and just left it out there (outside). So, I took that and put it up. While I was there, my brother's wife Jan showed up to take my Dad to lunch and was VERY surprised to see me there. Kept saying that she had forgotten that I was coming and I told here that "NOBODY" knew I was coming, so how could she forget? At any rate, she left and we left to get us something to eat, at Dad's favorite little cafe. All in all, I am very tired from the work, but it was a very pleasurable day. He must have said,"You don't know how much I appreciate this," several times and , at one point, I said "Yes I Do!" Just before leaving I told him that my objective was to take care of his yard work and try to give him a better day! He assured me that I had succeeded. I said that I had hoped to get it ALL done before I left and his reply was, "Now, it looks like someone lives here!" He knows I'm only there to help him and make sure he's taken care of.                      He feels good......and so do I!

        BTW, I've brought back a couple of pictures that He let me borrow. A picture of my Mom standing beside an Indian Chief (1944 picture) and a picture of my Dad in an event, on a Jawa 175 Scrambler. I'll try to get them scanned and posted ASAP.


                               Later on, Bill                              

[Sam Green Racing]

Well done Billy.

Sam