Topic: My Dad's Situation, "At Rehab" UPDATE!

[DarkRider]

Glad to hear that your trip went well man!

[seaweb11]

Sounds like some positive stuff today

[bill440cars]

Glad to hear that your trip went well man!

           Yeah, it did and it was great to know that I was able to take some more stress from him.

Sounds like some positive stuff today

          Oh yeah and if it felt HALF as good to him, as it did to me, then I did GOOD!! 

          Now, on a more solemn note, I'm starting to find bills that haven't been paid and that his assessment of his vehicles hasn't been done yet! I also found that the Dakota is due license renewal and it is listed as belonging to my Dad or David. That's fixing to be changed, if my Dad wants to pursue that part. You see, the 93' Dakota is 4 wheel drive and, since my brother didn't bother to keep check on the oil level on the transfer and it's bad now. I'd sure like to get hold of my brother, uh, I mean David and turn him everyway but loose! So far, neither Dad, my wife nor I have seen or heard anything from them. Got to get some sleep, Dad and I have another Doctor to see tomorrow (and THIS one is one that was mentioned by name on the petition that they filed to get "Guardianship" over my Dad! I'm wanting to hear his reasoning for that! We're also seeing the lawyer, after another meal out. Gotta go. 

[troppo]

Things are starting to fall into place now by the sounds of it mate, when you go to see this "doctor" make sure to explain to him that you will be seeking a second or even third opinion and make it clear if there is anything underhanded about what he has done that legal action will follow.
Its so good to hear that your dad (and you of course) can start to relax a little, he needs it and we here know you sure as hell do.
You take care mate
Cheers
Troppo

[Roach Carver]

I agree that there is nothing wrong with getting a second or third opinion,BUT I would not threaten the doc with lawsuit. If you do that he will do nothing but cover his ass. It is also never a good idea to go to the next doc and talk about what an idiot the last guy was or how you might just sue that last guy.

[troppo]

You make a good point, i tend to get a little carried away and not think sometimes

[fuzzybutt]

i was just finning my wife in on whats been going on with your dad and former brother (i have 3 former half brothers by the way) her exact worse were "glad nothing that bad happened when your mom died, you'd be in prison by now" also good that theyre 900 miles away in conecticut and rhode island. youre a good man bill, helping your dad like you are AND not getting crazy and violent like i likely would.

[bill440cars]

Another thought, Bill.

Call the local PD and ask for the officer that patrols your dad's neighborhood.  Just giving him a heads-up on the situation BEFORE anything goes down can help tremendously (if, and when, something happens).

Instead of treating you both like criminals until it gets sorted out, he'll be able to immediately deal with 'that guy' living in your dad's house.

         I'm going to check into doing just that with the Sheriff's Dept.
Also, I'm going back down tomorrow night to see if there's been any activity (break-in, damage, more things missing, etc

                        Thanks firecracker.

[bill440cars]

i was just finning my wife in on whats been going on with your dad and former brother (i have 3 former half brothers by the way) her exact worse were "glad nothing that bad happened when your mom died, you'd be in prison by now" also good that theyre 900 miles away in conecticut and rhode island. youre a good man bill, helping your dad like you are AND not getting crazy and violent like i likely would.

         Thanks fuzzy, I'm trying to be as controlled as I can and yet, get things taken care of. They (David and his Skank) do all the fussin' and cussin'. I just try to let folks know that I'm the Oldest Son and I'm just trying to ensure that my Dad is taken care of AND not trying to take care of his stuff! That's not to say that I don't really care or anything. Like today, I had a pretty intense (yet controlled) discussion with an Internal medicine Doctor and wasn't really impressed by him. I called my wife when we had left the Doctor's office, I called my wife to called his Family Doctor and see who he might recommend for a 2nd opinion. Ir the 2nd opinion is in the ballpark of the 1st, I might have a better opinion of the 1st Doctor (Maybe )

[333]

Bill, I believe you are trying to take care of his stuff.  If you don't, it will likely become NOT his stuff, and what would he do then?  And if we were to listen to your Dad, we would know you are his ONLY son!

Keep up the good work!

[bill440cars]

Bill, I believe you are trying to take care of his stuff.  If you don't, it will likely become NOT his stuff, and what would he do then?  And if we were to listen to your Dad, we would know you are his ONLY son!

Keep up the good work!

          Thank you, I am trying to work for what s in his best interest and what he wants. we've got a cousin who I talked to last nigh and my brother, uh David called and he wanted me to sit down with David and try to work this out. Only thing is, our cousin hasn't really been involved for quite a few years and doesn't know all the things that David has been up to. I enlightened him and now, he has a different opinion ans told me that I should do what Dad asks and be confident that I was doing the right thing. He DID say that David told him some stuff, but didn't elaborate and I didn't ask him. I am tired. I've been trying to figure out just what Dad's bill are and take care of them. What credit cards he has and try to take care of them. I'm setting up direct pay on things that are a regular monthly thing. I've found that he was quite generous with his charities and will make a list and talk with him to find out if there are any that he doesn't mind dropping (in the interest only of making it a bit easier on me). Working on a cordial letter letting them know that Dad is asking for the return of his vehicles, All titles and deeds along with his personal things such as his billfold w/contents (to include his credit cards, insurance cards, medicare card and driver's license) And that's not t say that he's going to be driving yet, if at all (depends on health and Doctor's recommendations) Guess I'd better go, got lots of things to do. I do kinda wonder if they have seen the light and backed off, or if they even have a clue that it's not even over yet. It ain't over til this old fat man sings and Dad can fully relax, knowing that he's weathered the storm!

                          Take care, Bill

[firecracker]

Doesn't matter if he's going to drive again, he NEEDS the drivers license for an ID.

My mother-in-law hasn't driven for years (had a stroke, walks with a walker) and used to  use her expired Drivers License to write checks.  Finally it got so old places wouldn't accept it (crazy I know...).

So, she goes to get a "state issued ID" (that looks just like a drivers license, but isn't for driving).

Here's the important part.

Since her old one had expired, she couldn't just go to a tag agency and get the ID.  She had to go sit at a DMV type office for HOURS to get back in the system.  THEN go get the ID.

So, short version:  He needs it for an ID, and so he can convert it to an "official" ID (need it post 9/11, don't you know) even if he gives up driving.

Whew!  I'm worn out and I just typed about it.  Can't imagine what you're going through.

Keep up the faith (and your strength) Bill!

[bill440cars]

        Yeah, you are right about the ID thing, I had not even thought about that. But, then again, I was wanting his driver's license back, because it is HIS, you know? I Did know about the ID thing, because our Daughter has an ID that looks like the Driver's license and she can't and will never be able to drive, because of her handicap.

        I hear ya about getting tired. For every trip I make down there, it takes about 2 days to recuperate and sometimes I don't get that much time before I'm on my way down there again. At one time, I was looking forward to this time in my life because I thought I would be able to slow down, not be so involved and take it a lot easier. All I can say is........SURPRISE!!!

        Actually though, even though my rear is dragging and this has put a tremendous amount of stress on my entire family AND my pocketbook (Dad has repeatedly told me to write a check out for my expenses that I incur while doing all of this running around taking care of his business, but I would feel like I had been "hired" to do this. Pretty good: one son is trying to spend his money AND the other son isn't! ), I am SO glad that he can see things coming together the way he wants them. Sure helps me too, to see him be more relaxed and not as stressed and unsure about his future.

[bill440cars]

       Made another late night trip down to check Dad's place and see if there had been any activity that would warrant calling the Sheriff's Department or not. Fortunately, things seemed to be like I left them last Saturday night (when I changed the doorlocks. I am relieved that nothing else had been done, because it's bad enough to have had to deal with the things that we have. Dad is feeling better about the way things are going (he was so skeptical about being able to stop them from taking over completely and getting everything). I am SO thankful that, through the efforts of my wife and myself, he can rest better, relax more and get on with trying get back in shape good enough to (hopefully) live at home and (maybe) do some local driving close to home. Gotta work on home care or whatever he will need. If (and that's a BIG "IF") he does need to be in a place (Retirement home or whatever), I want arrangements that allow us to get him out and do things and such. I don't want him to be where he doesn't want to be or feel like he's just been dumped and forgotten. I know that, IF he actually has Alzheimer's, things will most likely get to the point to where he won't know us and get all kinds of notions about what's going on, that won't be true. I know things can get like that, but I'm praying that he doesn't have to go through that. Anyway, things presently are looking good, as far as, getting his affairs back in order and without them having any control. Working on a letter to them, saying that my Dad want's the things back that they have in their possession (they know what they are and the things will be listed in the letter and if we get no response from that, then we will have to take legal action (and I hope we don't have to). Have to go get the new deed and his new Will tomorrow. After those are taken care of We will be following up with an eviction order, that will be served   

          Sure be glad when we can concentrate on just taking care of business.]
                         

[bill440cars]

       Well, when I get the new deed, to the property that David lives on, and the NEW Will and get them signed and notarized, they will be filed at the Court House just like I've done everything else. I told my Dad that he needs to be watchful and not to sign anything that they might show up with. He quickly said that he wasn't signing ANYTHING , unless, I produce something for him to sign.

       I made a comment Tuesday, that I sure would feel better, if I had a place where I could set up and just work on fixing up motorcycles and Dad said that that sounded good to him and he'd like doing that as well.   Sure takes me back to the times when my Granddad and my Dad had that motorcycle shop and I was building that 125 Jawa that was to be my 1st street bike. I told him what I was thinking about those times and said "Those were the days." He said, "They sure were!" Suddenly, I got a lump in my throat because I have no idea how much longer he'll be around. I DO feel like he will, at least be feeling better about things now (since I've been able to shut down David and his wife at their every turn) Could not have done it by myself though.      

[Spikeybike]

bill , gotta say it, you are a much better man then i, .. i like fuzzy, would be in prison by now.
sounds to me like this mess is starting to sort out
   your a good man bill,  i raise my glass and say
         "Cheers to Bill"

[kghost]

   
       I made a comment Tuesday, that I sure would feel better, if I had a place where I could set up and just work on fixing up motorcycles and Dad said that that sounded good to him and he'd like doing that as well.   Sure takes me back to the times when my Granddad and my Dad had that motorcycle shop and I was building that 125 Jawa that was to be my 1st street bike. I told him what I was thinking about those times and said "Those were the days." He said, "They sure were!" Suddenly, I got a lump in my throat because I have no idea how much longer he'll be around.

TIme to do it while he is still around Bill.

Got a little lump in my throat about that too......

[333]

It looks to me like you have a bike or two that could live at your Dad's garage.  When the dust settles, having something for him(and you when you're there) to work on could be very therapeutic.  For the both of you.

[bill440cars]

bill , gotta say it, you are a much better man then i, .. i like fuzzy, would be in prison by now.
sounds to me like this mess is starting to sort out
   your a good man bill,  i raise my glass and say
         "Cheers to Bill"

      Thank you for you kind words spikey, I'm just trying to help my Dad because it's the right thing to do and I was taught to have respect for other folks and treat them the way you would want them to treat you. My parents were always there to help me when I needed it and I know that now, it's MY turn. My younger brother was taught the same way, by the same people, but somehow it just didn't take. To be honest abut it, there are times that I feel like a younger brother to my Dad, instead of the older son. Dad and I have had a sort of "Bond" for quite some time (after I got past the beginning of my teenage period). I just don't understand how David can treat my Dad (and let his wife do it also) and live with himself. My wife thinks that David has realized that he has "Ripped His Britches" as far as my Dad is concerned. I don't know if he realizes it or not. David can be pretty "Thick Headed" about things like that. Doesn't really matter by now, Dad is ready to DisOwn him and wants to know how to go about it. My main concern is my Dad and I'll do whatever it takes, to keep his morale up and give his some peace. Hopefully, we can get this thing tied down Legally, by the end of next week and concentrate more on making sure that Dad's bills are paid and trying to get a good Prognosis on my Dad. Then we can work on trying to get him back up in shape. I've got some places that I'd like to take him, that I know he'll enjoy.

        Thanks again, I'm just trying to do right by my Dad, Bill  

[bill440cars]

   
       I made a comment Tuesday, that I sure would feel better, if I had a place where I could set up and just work on fixing up motorcycles and Dad said that that sounded good to him and he'd like doing that as well.   Sure takes me back to the times when my Granddad and my Dad had that motorcycle shop and I was building that 125 Jawa that was to be my 1st street bike. I told him what I was thinking about those times and said "Those were the days." He said, "They sure were!" Suddenly, I got a lump in my throat because I have no idea how much longer he'll be around.

TIme to do it while he is still around Bill.

Got a little lump in my throat about that too......

          Yeah, it would be cool. Before the problem last year, I had taken a CB400F (project bike) that I had and he was going to fix it up (doing the work and buying the parts himself) and bring it back to me when it was finished (without any cost to me). But, first part of last year, his bank statement didn't reflect what he thought it should have, my brother and his new wife convinced him that I was stealing from him and you all pretty well know the rest. I was told by my brother's wife, that Dad (as she called him ) wanted me yo pick up my 400F AND the other 2 that he had bought himself. Well, I talked to him and he DID say that maybe I should come and get them. I really felt like an outcast (and the Black Sheep) at that time. But, fortunately, I just couldn't let it go like that. Finally, on one of those trips that I made to see him, he opened the door and I could tell right away that he (my Dad) was himself again and was fully aware of what he was doing and all. wasn't very long after that that he started letting me know about the conditions he was living with. He didn't push to get things changed much at first though. He knew that I already had a pretty good load on my plate and was hesitant to ask me to add him to it (even though I told him repeatedly that when he was ready to confront them or to change things, give me a call and I'd be there. In fact, I had been telling him recently that we needed to step things up and put things the way that HE wanted them. Next thing I know, he goes in the hospital and now, we've almost got things taken care of. I've got to put the finishing touches on this and get things so that he and I (my whole family actually) can back off and relax a bit. Then maybe Dad and I can do some stuff with motorcycles. I don't think he will be able to actually do much himself, but he still has the knowledge and that's cool.

It looks to me like you have a bike or two that could live at your Dad's garage.  When the dust settles, having something for him(and you when you're there) to work on could be very therapeutic.  For the both of you.

 

           We're not sure exactly where he will be, when it's all said and done. If rehab does the trick on him, we're trying to get him to come up here for a little while, til I can be sure that the area is cleared of the aggravation of David and Jan, before we would be comfortable about his being back at his home. If he ends up at his home, We are thinking of moving closer to him and I would probably be there most of the time myself and looking at "Home Health Care" also. If he needs to actually reside in a place like that and decides to stay at the one his is presently in, we will move down to his home and have him in there, every chance. We're trying to look at ALL the possibilities and trying to be as ready as we can be. Of course, we're hoping to get him out of that nursing home and I know that I have the authority to remove him whether it is recommended or not.I just don't want to act on instinct, I want what is best for my Dad.

[fuzzybutt]

Bill, i've said it before and i'll say it again, home healthcare help people are worth their weight in gold when theyre good. we had my mother in law who was in advanced stages of alzheimers living with us. the home healthcare nurse was a godsend. even though your dad isnt even close to there, they can still be a huge help so that IF dad cant b left alone, you and your wife/family can get out of the house for an hour or 2 a day.

[bill440cars]

Bill, i've said it before and i'll say it again, home healthcare help people are worth their weight in gold when theyre good. we had my mother in law who was in advanced stages of alzheimers living with us. the home healthcare nurse was a godsend. even though your dad isnt even close to there, they can still be a huge help so that IF dad cant b left alone, you and your wife/family can get out of the house for an hour or 2 a day.

           Yeah fuzzy, I heard ya both times, about the home health care folks and I appreciate the comments from you about that. I don't know exactly how we are going to proceed just yet. Gotta find out where he stands medically and all and then we'll go from there. There IS a Service of that sort, in his town. He seems to be aware that, because of his condition (and I'm talking about the heart disease) that he might need to be in a retirement home or some such and knows that, I will only have him in a place like that, if it is absolutely necessary.  I've been doing some checking up on the Alzheimer's thing and not really convinced that he has it and if he does, I don't think it is as advanced as the ONE doctor says. We are going to get at least one other opinion, for sure. No need treating him for something that he might not have. 

[bill440cars]

       Well folks, got some definite plans for this coming week and David along with Jan, are not going to be very happy campers. Don't want to elaborate too much just yet. Just know that, when it's all said and done, things will be like my Dad wants them and then I can concentrate more on finishing up getting his bills in order along with what ever Doctor visits he needs to make. AND I can get on with my own family matters. I'm getting his van back and getting it checked over for me to use to take care of him and his business.

       I can hardly wait to get back down there with my lawn mower, weed eater and rake, so I can make it look like someone actually lives there. I'm starting to get some folks attention, that have known my Dad for some time, knew my Mom also and are responding to him along with me and THAT really feels good! Those folks are learning about the intentions of the other 2 who were supposed to have Dad's best interest foremost.   It makes ME feel good because I didn't know anyone here when I started this and I was self conscious that folks ,might get the wrong impression about why I was doing what I was doing. You always hear about relatives trying yo "Stiff" a family member ( like David and Jan )

[mystic_1]

Just wanted to toss out the miscellaneous fact that in four days, this thread will be exactly one year old.

I'm rooting for you Bill.  Hope everything goes well this week.

Cheers
mystic_1

[Spikeybike]

what a long strange trip it's been , huh Bill