Author Topic: My Dad's Situation, "At Rehab" UPDATE! (Read 94069 times)

Ecosse · « **Reply #900 on:** January 06, 2009, 10:09:40 PM »

Hey Bill, I remember trying to put myself in my grandmother's shoes and imagine what it must be like to be so independent (my grandmother was one tough but sweet cookie) for all of your life then wind up being 'handled'. It bothered me just to think of it. I tried to provide as many situations where she made decisions that concerned her life as possible. It wasn't often but she deserved the dignity of self determination. Sometimes I think she would be difficult or change her mind about something just for the opportunity to have a say.

She too went from one facility to another (just once) and at first it bothered her too with all the new faces. But after a while she (and I) made her presence known, making friends of other residents and staff in the process.

I know that blindsided feeling too. Use to get me right in the pit of my stomach. Just try to be good to your self... and don't feel guilty about it.

bill440cars · « **Reply #901 on:** January 07, 2009, 04:50:51 AM »

Thanks for that Bill.

Yeah, at first, I DID feel "Blindsighted" and sometimes it makes me wonder if I'm not seeing the "WHOLE" picture as far as his condition goes.

I know that he's getting up in his years and all. I guess it gets me because I try so very hard to Fully Explain everything so as to try to keep him fully aware of what's going on and why. I DO know that he wants HIS life back that they (S & S) have "Taken from him" and I am sometimes really taken back at how he can talk to me like that. But, I DO try to keep my wits about me and be patient (as possible) and work things around so that he understands, at least for the moment, what is going on and why. Besides the fact that he's having a hard time keeping things straight in his head , because of all that he's been through, I am also having to remember that he's not as alert on things as he used to be and I find myself expecting him to understand (without a lot of effort) on my part. Also, in the back of my mind, I will never forget how I was "pushed out" of the situation by David & his wife once and I'm concerned that Dad could get frustrated with me and it could happen again. I've told him several times in the beginning of this that if he ever backed off with them (after ALL that they've done) and let them work their way back in, there is NO WAY that I could go through this all over again. Besides, I am not financially able to go through a court battle and Pray to God that when Jan 30th comes, this will be settles "Once and for all" so we ALL can get on with our lives and my Dad can live the rest of his life being content and with peace of mind (like he deserves). Sorry about going on, I just had some things I needed to say. I need to get around, I have another FULL day today. Thanks for the support and for listening to me ramble.

Take care all, Bill

bill440cars · « **Reply #902 on:** January 07, 2009, 03:14:36 PM »

Well, I went back this morning to see my Dad and I got a ration of "Stuff" from him for a bit and then he sorta settled down and behaved himself. So, I was hoping that when I went back this afternoon, he would be (at least somewhat) acting like he should. WRONG!! Just after we got there ( I took Joey, one of the young men we work with) my Dad started in on me as to why he was there, He didn't like it, They weren't doing anything for him, that he couldn't do himself! I'll tell you, I'm just not sure how much of this I can take. My plate is running over as it is and to be trying to take care of his stuff and then have him start treating me like that, is really stressing me out!

And, to top if off, I haven't heard ANYTHING from the Lawyer in quite some time and I've called him several times since the 15th of Dec, trying to see what was going on and lately, to tell him about Dad going to the Rehab place. It just seems like I'm coming apart at the seams here.

Ecosse · « **Reply #903 on:** January 07, 2009, 03:38:27 PM »

Bill, not much I could say that would 'solve' your situation. Again, I've been there. Your posts little by little bring back my challenges with grandma. I remember feeling, I think, exactly as you do; I reached the point where I was just making it through each day, my mind (and heart) then went into survival mode and I begun taking things moment by moment as it was the only way to make it. After a while a part of you has to walk that very thin line between your love of your parent and a facsimile of objectiveness or emotional distance. Not to say aloofness or uncaring.

Think of it this way: health care people have to care but remain resolute in the task at hand. That's professionalism yes but it's also how they can come in each day and do their job. My ex-girlfriend is a nurse and another ex has a sister who was a pediatric nurse. She saw drug addicted and AIDS babies weekly. The other ex worked in a nursing home and saw, well, hard things. I hope you don't think I'm suggesting to stop lovin' your dad.

Anyway, I know just venting, without people trying to be a hero and offer "solutions" you've already thought of, is sometimes the best medicine. Vent man vent.

Just take care of yourself and have faith you will get through it- and so will dad.

bill440cars · « **Reply #904 on:** January 07, 2009, 07:19:36 PM »

All the way up to this point, he really seemed to be pretty much holding his own and really appreciating what I was doing (and what I'd done). Now, all of a sudden, he's acting like I've slipped something in that he was totally unaware of and confident that he can take care of everything himself, telling me that he doesn't need to be there (at the Rehab) and that he can function perfectly well at his home! He's not even going along with the fact that he'd agreed to stay up here in this area til Spring (at least) and til I can be sure that they (S & S) are out of that house and out of the area! It worries me to death to think what they might do to him, if they got the chance, because they have been cut completely out of things. I would not put ANYTHING past them!

I just Pray that he gets past this Attitude thing and we can get him straight and moving better before the "Guardianship Hearing". Like I said, I was there twice today and got blindsighted BOTH times! And I got it worse the 2nd time. I didn't go back this evening. I'm just afraid that, if I did and he did it again, I'd really lose it and blow it! I DO NOT want to do that. I realize that his age and changing places have alot to do with that, but I'm not sure how much more I can take. I know that some folks have dealt with a lot worse. It's like I said before, my plate was running over and now this. It doesn't help that I haven't heard from the Lawyer in quite some time. Guess I'll give it another try tomorrow morning and see how it goes.

You know, I just realized that I raised my voice to my Dad today and I have never done that before. I'm not very proud of that either. I sure hope and Pray that tomorrow is a better day.

droopy · « **Reply #905 on:** January 08, 2009, 12:44:35 AM »

bill the change is a big part of that and gently remind him that you know that he can do for himself but he has to prove to doctors and rehab that he can and will do for himself

firecracker · « **Reply #906 on:** January 08, 2009, 06:44:19 AM »

I understand about needing to vent. If we were a bunch of girls, we'd support you and leave it at that. Since we're guys, we're going to suggest solutions. Hey, we're men. It's what we do.

So... Consider getting a big wall calendar and writing "13 days until Freedom" (or something like that), then "12 days...", etc. Give him a big red marker and let him X out each day. That way he can see the light at the end of the tunnel. Just a thought...

My parents are currently visiting, and this morning my dad gave me a printout of an e-mail he liked. I was already ging to share it with you, but it seems even more appropriate now. It's not specifically about your situtation, but it might help.

Crabby Old Man

What do you see nurses? ...What do you see?
What are you thinking......when you're looking at me?
A crabby old man,.....not very wise,
Uncertain of habit ........with faraway eyes?

Who dribbles his food.......and makes no reply.
When you say in a loud voice .....'I do wish you'd try!'
Who seems not to notice ....the things that you do.
And forever is losing .............. A sock or shoe?

Who, resisting or not...........lets you do as you will,
With bathing and feeding ... The long day to fill?
Is that what you're thinking?.......Is that what you see?
Then open your eyes, nurse......you're not looking at me.

I'll tell you who I am ......... As I sit here so still,
As I do at your bidding,.......as I eat at your will.
I'm a small child of Ten.......with a father and mother,
Brothers and sisters .........who love one another

A young boy of Sixteen ..with wings on his feet
Dreaming that soon now..........a lover he'll meet.
A groom soon at Twenty ........my heart gives a leap.
Remembering, the vows........that I promised to keep.

At Twenty-Five, now ........ I have young of my own.
Who need me to guide ....And a secure happy home.
A man of Thirty ........... My young now grown fast,
Bound to each other ....... With ties that should last.

At Forty, my young sons ....have grown and are gone,
But my woman's beside me.......to see I don't mourn.
At Fifty, once more, ......... Babies play 'round my knee,
Again, we know children ........ My loved one and me.

Dark days are upon me ...... My wife is now dead.
I look at the future ............I shudder with dread.
For my young are all rearing......young of their own.
And I think of the years...... And the love that I've known.

I'm now an old man.........and nature is cruel.
'Tis jest to make old age .......look like a fool.
The body, it crumbles..........grace and vigor, depart.
There is now a stone........where I once had a heart.

But inside this old carcass ..... A young guy still dwells,
And now and again ........my battered heart swells.
I remember the joys..............I remember the pain.
And I'm loving and living.............life over again.

I think of the years ..all too few......gone too fast.
And accept the stark fact........that nothing can last.
So open your eyes, people .........open and see..
Not a crabby old man.....Look closer....see........ME!!

bill440cars · « **Reply #907 on:** January 08, 2009, 09:32:44 AM »

Thanks for the advice James, After I recovered from that round, I knew what I needed to do, it's just been so hard to have him act like that with me knowing that I'm the one who's trying to help him in the RIGHT way. I'm still working on taking care of business.

Firecracker, that was great!

That was so true (and still is)!

Let me tell you all what happened this morning. I went in (sort of dreading another "Go Round") and he was in his wheelchair at the window, rubbing his lower legs because he gets to itching down there. He greeted me with a smile and was talking about his legs itching like crazy. So, I went over and rubbed on one while he rubbed on the other one. Between the 2 of us, we got things pretty well settled. He was really talkative and in such a "Fantastic" mood. (need a "sigh of relief" smiley here) I was SO relieved and wasn't really ready for another round with him. Besides, it's not good for him to get all upset like that (and it sure didn't help me either). I went to a few of the different types of therapy with him and then had to leave for a bit. I got home and the Lawyer called and I found out that there has been absolutely NO RESPONSE from them about the "Visit" or getting his things back. The Lawyer was really encouraged be the news that my Dad should be able to go straight into an "Assisted Living" place after the rehab is finished on about the 19th of Jan. SO, once again, I'm on a "High" ( a Tremendous one, this time!) I'm really feeling good about this now and I hope he can keep his spirits up (I'll do all I can to help).

You all take care, Bill

bill440cars · « **Reply #908 on:** January 08, 2009, 06:38:20 PM »

Got a phone call from the "Rehab", where my Dad is, this afternoon and was given an update on my Dad. It seems that he is progressing well, they also took a chest X-ray to check his lungs (*they were pretty well clear of any signs of pnuemonia) and he is progressing well, which means that he will only be there another week (I was so excited that I didn't think to ask if that meant 5 days or 6), but he will soon be finished with that and (as far as I know) he should be able to go to the "Assisted Living "place from Rehab.

The therapists there are real impressed with his progress.

"Thank You Lord"

bill440cars · « **Reply #909 on:** January 09, 2009, 08:40:20 PM »

Went to see my Dad this afternoon, he's still doing good with the rehab and attitude. Before I left, I asked one of the therapists if they would be able to recommend that he go to "assisted Living" and she quickly agreed while offering to check with the other to get a general consensus. I thanked her and she went out to each therapist that was working with him in different areas and they ALL agreed that he was NOT "Nursing Home Material"! That one therapist said that she would get with the Case Manager (who wasn't available at that time), let her know what I had asked and get her to make a recommendation and let me know the exact discharge date Monday so I could work on an apartment at the Retirement Home near us, get the oxygen equipment delivered and set up and also, I am going to Alltel and add a line on my account, so that he will have a phone for his own use. After I can get him set up in the Golden Years Village Retirement Home (if they still have an apartment) then, we'll get some food in there and some snacks, along with some of his furniture and such, hopefully he'll be more at home and can relax. Then, we will be shortly afterwards, working on getting ready for the "Guardianship Lawsuit" I just hope that, if he has to have an "adjustment period" like at the Rehab, it doesn't last very long.

Later on, Bill

CBGhia · « **Reply #910 on:** January 10, 2009, 01:41:17 PM »

Fantastic News!! If all of the doctors agree that he belongs in assisted living and they put it in writing, it will be pretty hard to convince a judge that he is incompetent!! Things are looking great for you guys!! I like the calender idea as well. Give him a goal to shoot for and I think he will be better everyday.

333 · « **Reply #911 on:** January 10, 2009, 04:00:19 PM »

Things are looking good! A suggestion or two, though.

First, it might help with your Dad when he starts getting cantankerous to try an old car sales trick (maybe "trick" is the wrong word, but I can't think of a better one). Make someone else the bad guy (you know how the salesman is making the sales manager out to be the obstacle in getting the deal you want). And maybe you can use "them" to motivate him. "It's not me that has you here, it's them. And they say you have to do XYZ before you can get to independent living".

Then, as far as a cellphone goes, they make them with big number keypads and limited functions. I'm going to be 52 this month, and one of those sounds kind of nice, considering I can't see the display that well, and have mastered about 10% of the functions my current phone is capable of. If only I wasn't addicted to the Direct Connect on the Nextel!

bill440cars · « **Reply #912 on:** January 12, 2009, 09:08:24 AM »

Quote from: 333 on January 10, 2009, 04:00:19 PM

Things are looking good! A suggestion or two, though.

First, it might help with your Dad when he starts getting cantankerous to try an old car sales trick (maybe "trick" is the wrong word, but I can't think of a better one). Make someone else the bad guy (you know how the salesman is making the sales manager out to be the obstacle in getting the deal you want). And maybe you can use "them" to motivate him. "It's not me that has you here, it's them. And they say you have to do XYZ before you can get to independent living".

Then, as far as a cellphone goes, they make them with big number keypads and limited functions. I'm going to be 52 this month, and one of those sounds kind of nice, considering I can't see the display that well, and have mastered about 10% of the functions my current phone is capable of. If only I wasn't addicted to the Direct Connect on the Nextel!

Good thought, I had in fact used those tactics previously (to help him keep in mind what they'd done and what I was doing, as he had asked me to), but when he started giving me a big hassle about him being there and not knowing he was going there and all, I kind of lost it. I'll try to keep those thoughts in mind, in case I have that come up again.

Now TODAY, I should be getting a phone call to tell me exactly when he will be released from the "Rehab" (should be released this week) and then I work on getting his apartment at Golden Years Village, get the oxygen equipment setup there, put fis furniture in there, get him a cellphone on my account and take him over there (If all goes well, I can't help but be a bit apprehensive about things until the mess with S & S is OVER!)

I'm hoping that, even though this will be yet another change, this one will be go pretty well since he will be somewhat in his own surroundings (his furniture and a "Home like" setting)

fuzzybutt · « **Reply #913 on:** January 12, 2009, 09:13:58 AM »

i have a question nobody else seems to have asked. can he have a pet in the assisted living facility? a little dog or maybe a kitty or 2 can do wonders for the well being and attitude of an elderly person. i used to use hamish as a therapy animal and at the end of the visit you could really see an improvement in the peoples frame of mind. i know they helped me through the tough times, i'd have never made it wiithout em in fact.

bill440cars · « **Reply #914 on:** January 12, 2009, 09:31:57 AM »

Quote from: fuzzybutt on January 12, 2009, 09:13:58 AM

i have a question nobody else seems to have asked. can he have a pet in the assisted living facility? a little dog or maybe a kitty or 2 can do wonders for the well being and attitude of an elderly person. i used to use hamish as a therapy animal and at the end of the visit you could really see an improvement in the peoples frame of mind. i know they helped me through the tough times, i'd have never made it wiithout em in fact.

I haven't asked, but I wouldn't think so. Now, bear in mind that we are less than 1/2 mile away and I suspect that he will be with us quite a bit because, in that assisted living place, he can come and go as he pleases. And we, have 3 dogs AND 2 cats that he enjoys seeing.

I DO appreciate your concern in that respect. Animals can be really comforting and all.

fuzzybutt · « **Reply #915 on:** January 12, 2009, 12:01:46 PM »

yeah, i'vw worked with all sorts of therapy animals. the greyhound i had years ago was a great for nursing home and physical rehab centers. i also ran a narha (handicapped horse riding) program when i lived in florida. i'm a big advocate for therapy animals. the larger dog breeds seem to be the best for that purpose, in fact great danes are used more as therapy dogs than any other breed acccording to a friend in ontario that trains danes for therapy.

bill440cars · « **Reply #916 on:** January 13, 2009, 07:57:57 PM »

We usd to take the 2 "Special Needs" young men to STARS, I don't remember what it all stands for but it is therapy for those folks with muscle related problems and they get therapy by riding on a horse for a spell and go through several maneuvers for about an hour each time.

But, listen to this!

I had gotten my Dad admitted into a place called Health South Rehab in Fort Smith Arkansas last Tuesday afternoon about 2PM and now, he is scheduled to be released this weekend. AND, They are "Strongly Recommending" that he go to an "Assisted Living" place and is NOT Nursing Home Material!

SO, after I talked with his Case Manager, she called Golden Years to tell them their recommendations and to see about getting the Ball Rolling to get him admitted there, only to find out that there are presently NO vacancies there for now.

You know, it just almost always seems like there is something!

We ARE, however, on the top of the list (I really thought we already were). So, now we are looking for a decent 2nd choice that we hope will be temp and an opening will come up again at Golden Years. Anyway, where ever he ends up going, will be an ASSISTED LIVING place AND that has got to be another PLUS for him when we go into that court room on the 30th of January. We seem to be getting closer though! We ARE on the top of the list at Golden Years and the young lady there told me that, sometimes, even though folks schedule to move into a room, they end up not doing that. And I thought, yeah, look at us! When I was getting ready to bring my Dad up here in this area, I thought we were going straight to Golden Years. Now, I don't wish anything bad on anybody, but I sure hope that things line out so that my Dad can go there soon. In the meantime, I've got to find him a place t go, even if it's for a short time. I'd move him into our home, but we just don't have the room. We have about 1000sq ft of living space and 4 people are living here. Can you say "Crowded?"

Til Later on, Bill

bill440cars · « **Reply #917 on:** January 15, 2009, 07:17:36 PM »

Well, the Good News is, The Rehab wants to release my Dad to go to an Assisted Living Home, on Friday. Now, the bad news (hopefully, only temp bad news) is, I can't seem to find one that will accept him because he has a swallowing problem, or they just don't have Vacancies. One place doesn't give the meds out or check blood sugar levels (although they have someone on the place that does it for an extra charge)

Then, one place declined when I said that he could take care of his bath but was a little unstable at times and might need some help with his balance and THEY said, "We don't do that!" I almost said, well Just what DO you DO? But I didn't. We're still looking. On the "swallowing thing", he has to have "Thickener" in his drinks, to insure that the liquid goes down into the stomach and not into his lungs and I assured them that I would take care of that. I am getting very frustrated about this and I have to walk on eggshells, if I tell my Dad about any of this because he wants to go home so much and never seems to miss a chance to bring it up and wants t know why he can't just go home? My wife and I are going to start in tomorrow morning and, hopefully, come up with a place we can take him to, that will be acceptable. Clor me "Tired and Frustrated".

Later on, Bill

78 k550 · « **Reply #918 on:** January 15, 2009, 10:30:48 PM »

I know how your feeling Bill.
News on my sister. Sister has got new growth and her short term mermory is going quick. her right side is just about numb and loosing her balance.

So many Prayers going out tonight.

Paul

bill440cars · « **Reply #919 on:** January 16, 2009, 11:29:28 AM »

Quote from: 78 k550 on January 15, 2009, 10:30:48 PM

I know how your feeling Bill.
News on my sister. Sister has got new growth and her short term mermory is going quick. her right side is just about numb and loosing her balance.

So many Prayers going out tonight.

Paul

Oh Paul, man I sure hate to hear that about your Sister.

Sure seemed like she was on the mend and able to get on with her life. I feel SO much for her and all of you as well.

You can bet your bottom dollar that the Prayers are coming from us as well!
I wish there was something I could do to help.

Please keep is posted and you do it where ever you want, I mean if you just want to come here and do it, I welcome you to go for it. You definitely won't hear ME complain.

Take care Paul, Bill

bill440cars · « **Reply #920 on:** January 17, 2009, 10:15:42 AM »

Well, I got a letter from the Lawyer today, sure was hoping it was announcing "The Dismissal". But, of course it wasn't. It seems that they want another chance of a "Meeting"!

The letter from their Lawyer says that the last one was missed due to "inclement weather"!

Funny that the letter from their Lawyer doesn't mention anything about agreeing to the conditions or why we had not gotten a response from the LAST so called attempt. Not to mention that the Guardionship Lawsuit is set for the 30th of Jan!

I mean, we are at 13 days and counting down AND THEN, BOTH of them can see him FROM ACROSS THE ROOM!

Now, I may be jumping to conclusions, but it makes me wonder if they are at end of their rope and they realize it? It just never seems to amaze me at just how Stubborn & Stupid that David & Jan can be!

Ha! TWO more words that S & S could stand for Stubborn and Stupid!

Okay, now I need to settle down, they sure aren't worth getting "riled" over! It's just that I see RED When ever I think about the things that they have done to him and all.

For SOME unknown reason, I just can not seem to be able to change the colors of words on here! I have NO idea what I'm doing wrong. when I did the line in the previous paragraph, "It's just that I see "RED" when ever I think about the things that they have done to him and all" and I wanted the word RED to come out in that color. RED Never mind, it appears that I have accidentally figured it out and it seems like it was right in front of my face and maybe I was too blinded to see because of the way I am feeling right now, about THEM! Yeah, there ya go!

my78k · « **Reply #921 on:** January 17, 2009, 10:46:30 AM »

Try not to let them get your blood pressure too high Bill!!

Just keep focusing on that countdown....15,14,13....you're almost there!

Denis

bill440cars · « **Reply #922 on:** January 17, 2009, 03:45:27 PM »

Quote from: my78k on January 17, 2009, 10:46:30 AM

Try not to let them get your blood pressure too high Bill!!

Just keep focusing on that countdown....15,14,13....you're almost there!

Denis

I hear ya Dennis, have to let loose now and then, so I don't do it in front of my Dad and get HIM all wound up.

He's got an Anurism on the Aorta by his stomach and they don't want to do anything with it because they are concerned that he won't come out of it. And, you can believe me when I tell you that I am DEFINITELY counting down the days til the Court Date.

bill440cars · « **Reply #923 on:** January 18, 2009, 06:57:22 PM »

Talked to my Dad yeaterday about bringing his computer up and set it up for him at his "Temp. Assisted Living Apartment" and he was agreeable, saying that that would help him pass the time by giving him something else to do.

So, I told him I would do it today since I really needed to make a run down to check on the place to make sure that nothing had been tampered with. And that's what my Daighter and I did, we made the trip down, the house and ALL was good, I got his computer, we drove by where David & Jan live (the van was there), then we drove over where the truck is (it was still there) and we came back. Also, went on up to the Rehab, saw my Dad, told him that everything is still good, told him that I got his computer, watched some of the Barrett Jackson Auction on the Speed Channel (he'd never seen that and couldn't believe the money that seemed to be so easily dropped on there), His supper time came and we left to head home. We all (My Dad, My Wife and Myself) agree that the S & S TEAM are seeing that things are not going to go in their favor and are getting skitish and that's why they are pushing for a "Visit" with my Dad.

I mean, there are only TWELVE MORE DAYS!! Til the Guardianship Lawsuit Court Date!

medic09 · « **Reply #924 on:** January 18, 2009, 07:13:02 PM »

Paul, I pray that things improve for your sister, and that you all know comfort and clarity in their due time.

Bill, stay the course man! You're doing a good job. I pray that you have continued strength and courage!

News:

Author Topic: My Dad's Situation, "At Rehab" UPDATE! (Read 94069 times)

fuzzybutt

fuzzybutt