Author Topic: Share your tail of a moron, I dare you to beat mine.  (Read 8167 times)

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Offline bryanj

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Re: Share your tail of a moron, I dare you to beat mine.
« Reply #25 on: September 11, 2007, 03:48:54 AM »
How about pouring 1.5 ltr of oil into a Suzuki twin gearbox without having put the drain plug back in, Lukily I hadnt moved the drain bowl either!
Spending 2-3 hours checking and re-checking tappets to find an exhaust flange loose
Rebuilding a Triumph 650 pre-unit twin with 750 Morgo kit then turning round and finding a pair of piston circlips on the gate post

And the rotten one on my 8 yr old (at the time) nephew who watched me re-build a Lucas K2f magneto from a Triumph and when he asked "what does that do" I convinced him to hold it and put a finger down a pickup whilst I spun the gear-----Took some catching did that magneto!
Semi Geriatric ex-Honda mechanic and MOT tester (UK version of annual inspection). Garage full of "projects" mostly 500/4 from pre 73 (no road tax in UK).

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Offline mattcb350f

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Re: Share your tail of a moron, I dare you to beat mine.
« Reply #26 on: September 11, 2007, 07:09:08 AM »
A few years back I was out riding my Husqvarna 400 enduro with a friend of mine in a grassy field just outside of a suburb. There were lots of kids riding around on their little Z50's and Kawasaki 60's, so we were just cruising around, looking cool, the occasional catwalk to impress the we onlookers.  8) When, as I was putting along this little fella crossed in front of me about 20 ft ahead and disappeared below the ground and reappeared again. Well, what I saw for some reason didn't compute and I drove straight into this trench. Collapsed the forks so hard they seized half way. Rung my bell pretty bad actually. As I lay on the ground trying to figure out what just happened these three kids hurry over on their bikes and look down at me and the first one says "there's a hole there mister". By that time my buddy shows up and can hardly keep himself togeather long enough to help me haul my bike back out of this hole.
At least the young witnesses to my act of stupidity got to witness what happens when you get careless on a bike.  :D
  Matt.
1974 CB350F,  1980 CB125S,  1981 XL80S
Non Honda's: 86 & 87 Husqvarna 400wr's

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Offline gregimotis

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Re: Share your tail of a moron, I dare you to beat mine.
« Reply #27 on: September 11, 2007, 08:07:50 AM »
I had this problem going for a while where my front brake would apply itself every time I made a slow turn left or right.  Couldn't figure it out at all until I posted here and somebody suggested I examine the brake line that it wasn't binding up somewhere....

When I had changes the tire last time, I hadn't torqued the nuts -they were working themselves off the forks!  The front wheel was so loose by that time it was shifting into the brake pad by itself.

Went inside and had a glass of whiskey and a long chat with myself about the need for proper procedures.
"To crush your enemies, to see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentations of their women."

upperlake04

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Re: Share your tail of a moron, I dare you to beat mine.
« Reply #28 on: September 11, 2007, 08:23:32 AM »
At least every second ride I'm a moron - says to self "cancel your signal lights idiot"  :-[

Offline cleveland

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Re: Share your tail of a moron, I dare you to beat mine.
« Reply #29 on: September 11, 2007, 08:25:07 AM »
Wow, I hate to say it but I've done a lot of the things you guys posted.  Refilled the oil reserve, only to have the oil piss all over me from where the drain plug should have been.  This past month was just litter with the moron moments so much that I had to post.  KEEP THE STORIES COMING!!!

I had this problem going for a while where my front brake would apply itself every time I made a slow turn left or right.  Couldn't figure it out at all until I posted here and somebody suggested I examine the brake line that it wasn't binding up somewhere....

When I had changes the tire last time, I hadn't torqued the nuts -they were working themselves off the forks!  The front wheel was so loose by that time it was shifting into the brake pad by itself.

Went inside and had a glass of whiskey and a long chat with myself about the need for proper procedures.

That's scary!  :o  Someone else posted a while back that they were doing a pre ride inspection and noticed a similar catastrophe waiting to happen.  Good to hear you found out before it put you down face first in the gravel.

« Last Edit: September 11, 2007, 08:32:59 AM by cleveland »

Offline Bodain

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Re: Share your tail of a moron, I dare you to beat mine.
« Reply #30 on: September 11, 2007, 09:16:54 AM »
I think I can beat yours. I started riding bikes back in 1969... Back in the 70's I had a tendency to want to wrench on bikes without any real knowledge... I mean you learn by doing right?

Well I had aquired this 70's Suzuki 380.. It was a three cylinder two stroke. I don't even remember why I pulled off the heads and cylinders, but  I did. While those items were off I was looking the engine over. I was trying to figure out where you put oil into the crankcase. I simply could not find it. I know there must be oil in the crankcase. I proceeded to fill each crank area about half full of oil. It just seemed right...

I put the heads and cylinders back on and proceeded to start it up... Of course I immediatly bent two rods. Thats when I really  realized the differences between two stroke and four stroke engines.
2009 Suzuki TU250
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Offline ieism

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Re: Share your tail of a moron, I dare you to beat mine.
« Reply #31 on: September 11, 2007, 10:11:43 AM »
I rode my bike out to the Anti Al-Qeada BBQ which is about 45 minutes away. 

Can somebody please tell me what the heck an Anti Al-Qaeda BBQ is? I fail to see how a BBQ can stop Al-Qaeda, and your secret-service and army can't ;)
And let me know when you're doing an Anti Church of Scientology BBQ, i'd be honoured to attend.

On topic:
I once took of the carbs on my first bike, because for some reason beyond my comprehension it was running really bad.
I figured a good carb-clean would fix it. Since it was my first time taking them off it took me ages, and when I was done it was runnnig the same as before, $hit.
Then my "good friend" took a look at it, and imidiately noticed that I left the choke open. Needless to say, I was ready to cry when he flicked the choke closed, started the bike and it ran great.  :P
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Offline cleveland

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Re: Share your tail of a moron, I dare you to beat mine.
« Reply #32 on: September 11, 2007, 10:49:21 AM »
I rode my bike out to the Anti Al-Qeada BBQ which is about 45 minutes away. 

Can somebody please tell me what the heck an Anti Al-Qaeda BBQ is? I fail to see how a BBQ can stop Al-Qaeda, and your secret-service and army can't ;)
And let me know when you're doing an Anti Church of Scientology BBQ, i'd be honoured to attend.


I posted a link with the "events" threads.  It pretty much started as a back yard "pork only" BBQ my dad would have in honor of all the people effect by 9-11.  Our way of saying that we have not forgotten.  Every year it got bigger, but this year he held it at a park and invited the whole city.  It's a great time, but this year was amazing.  It even made the local news, but I missed it.

Offline 72 yellow

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Re: Share your tail of a moron, I dare you to beat mine.
« Reply #33 on: September 11, 2007, 10:50:48 AM »
It's the summer of 1966.  I have a newly minted driver's license in my pocket (ink still drying).I stop at a good friends house to see what going on.  Sitting on the sidewalk is a freshly custom painted 305 Honda Superhawk. I con him into letting me ride it.  After 15 seconds of instruction, I decide the sidewalk is a safe place to learn. After reaching the end of the sidewalk, I attempt to apply the rear brake, only to hear a buzzing sound and no reduction in speed. I go over the curb into the street, in front of a stopping car, across the intersection, swerve to avoid the opposite curb and finally use the front brake to stop. I then learned that these old Superhawks have the kickstarter located in front of the rear brake pedal. They are spaced for small Japanese feet, not American 10 1/2 shoes. I was pushing on the back of the kickstarter. This was before the helmet laws, so the only thing separating my 1/2 developed brain from the concrete was my then full head of hair.  

Offline cleveland

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Re: Share your tail of a moron, I dare you to beat mine.
« Reply #34 on: September 11, 2007, 11:08:32 AM »
Welcome to the board!  What are you riding now?

Offline 72 yellow

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Re: Share your tail of a moron, I dare you to beat mine.
« Reply #35 on: September 11, 2007, 11:52:39 AM »
Thanks for the welcome.  The current stable consists of a 1966 305 Superhawk (with the kickstarter removed), a 1971 BSA Lightning bobber (am I allowed to say that ?), and a 1972 CB750 which is currently residing in a cardboard box.  Bought it last year as a rescue, PO was going to dump it in a field.

Offline HITMAN

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Re: Share your tail of a moron, I dare you to beat mine.
« Reply #36 on: September 11, 2007, 12:52:48 PM »
After bringing my newly acquired CB550 home that had been sitting in a garage for 10 years my experience told me to pull the plugs, lube the cylinders and get it nice and ready to fire over.  With the plugs pushed back into the wires, points cover open she rolls over for the first time.  While I am admiring my blazing success, I thought to see if there is any spark…  Ok, no spark in any plugs.  Check the switch on the handle bar, ok that’s on.  Check point and see they are clean and adjusted.  I started to think that this bike is going to be more work than I thought, meanwhile this whole time I had a battery on a cart next to the bike with a jumper cable connecting the ground to the swing arm bolt and the positive side I am touching to the end of the starter cable that I pulled out of the frame.

I spent more than two hours casually scratching my head not realizing why there was no power whatsoever in the electrical.


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1984 Honda GL1200A
2003 Honda CBR1100XX

Offline steam-powered man

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Re: Share your tail of a moron, I dare you to beat mine.
« Reply #37 on: September 11, 2007, 01:41:43 PM »
in the late seventies i was riding my 850 norton commando just north of the golden gate bridge, in mill valley.  very hoity, very toity.  i kept on jamming about (dunstall pipes- saweeeet!) and ended up sorta in a woodsy section outsida town.  decided to turn around in this guys steep driveway and drove up.  put my right leg down and rats -- no ground!  bike tipped over and slid into the puckerbrush while i tumbled outa site into the woods.   :P
bobp

(have also swapped plug wires, filled an engine w/no drain plug, taken bikes off a rearstand w/no kickstand down, etc)   
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Offline greenjeans

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Re: Share your tail of a moron, I dare you to beat mine.
« Reply #38 on: September 11, 2007, 01:56:42 PM »
Not quite on my CB but brilliant none the less....I once paid 79 bucks to have my ac checked out, only to find out that I had hit the knob that adusts the temperature setting when I was cleaning the dash. :P
Yep, I'm the kid that figured out how to put things back together...eventually.

Offline S-Dog

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Re: Share your tail of a moron, I dare you to beat mine.
« Reply #39 on: September 11, 2007, 03:31:41 PM »
At least every second ride I'm a moron - says to self "cancel your signal lights idiot"  :-[

Thats why I LOOOOOVE the beeping turn signal sound on my 750..
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Offline m00ntan

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Re: Share your tail of a moron, I dare you to beat mine.
« Reply #40 on: September 11, 2007, 05:19:45 PM »
How about this.

I spend a dozen weekends sorting through a CB750K4 and decided the wheel had to be replaced.  I get a wheel with what was supposedly an axle and full bushings from eBay.  I go over these parts five or six times like it's rocket engineering.  I get all excited about the maiden ride of 25 miles.

Thats when the brake panel melts itself into the hub.  Aluminum welded together and stuck forever, in traffic.  I proceed to burn my clutch trying to  unstick it.  I have to bring the wobbly wheel back the next day to get it home.

Seems I dropped part #11 some where in my back yard.  I am still looking for it.

BTW, I hope I'm not the only one who has dropped the bike fumbling in a gas station.
« Last Edit: September 11, 2007, 05:24:20 PM by m00ntan »
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Offline rbmgf7

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Re: Share your tail of a moron, I dare you to beat mine.
« Reply #41 on: September 11, 2007, 08:06:00 PM »
this is my kz400 after i finished rebuilding the engine and restoring the body/frame, etc...

i went for a ride with my buddy. started off the first few miles just fine when all of a sudden it felt like the bike popped outta gear. but, whenever i tried to shift, it would go through the gears but wouldn't engage (this was right after i rebuilt the engine, so i was freakin out that something inside the crankcase had came apart). i pull to the side and begin checking over the bike. apparently i didn't bend the tab on the lock washer to secure the front sprocket so the nut came loose and the sprocket came off. luckly sprocket held the bold and washer inside the cover and prevented them from falling out.

on that same ride that day i noticed how the bike was extremely hard to steer and it always wanted to veer . once i got the bike back to fix the problem mentioned above, i inspected the bike thoroughly. at some point when i went to install the triple, the bottom bearings fell out only leaving the top bearings.

thanks goodness i'm standing here today and able to tell the story on how much of a goon I was/am...lol
« Last Edit: September 11, 2007, 08:11:04 PM by gearbot »

Offline mrbreeze

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Re: Share your tail of a moron, I dare you to beat mine.
« Reply #42 on: September 11, 2007, 08:21:28 PM »
A few years back I was out riding my Husqvarna 400 enduro with a friend of mine in a grassy field just outside of a suburb. There were lots of kids riding around on their little Z50's and Kawasaki 60's, so we were just cruising around, looking cool, the occasional catwalk to impress the we onlookers.  8) When, as I was putting along this little fella crossed in front of me about 20 ft ahead and disappeared below the ground and reappeared again. Well, what I saw for some reason didn't compute and I drove straight into this trench. Collapsed the forks so hard they seized half way. Rung my bell pretty bad actually. As I lay on the ground trying to figure out what just happened these three kids hurry over on their bikes and look down at me and the first one says "there's a hole there mister". By that time my buddy shows up and can hardly keep himself togeather long enough to help me haul my bike back out of this hole.
At least the young witnesses to my act of stupidity got to witness what happens when you get careless on a bike.  :D
  Matt.
Wow Matt!!!!!.......looks like you picked a bad week to stop sniffing glue!!!
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Offline Frrrrunkis

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Re: Share your tail of a moron, I dare you to beat mine.
« Reply #43 on: September 11, 2007, 08:50:55 PM »
about a month ago, I had just fixed the brake light switch on the front brakes, and decided to test it out while riding around in the circle I had worn dow in the yard. when it doesn't rain for two months, the dirt tends to turn to dust. Hit the brake in the dust, went sliding, almost dropped it if not for a tree to grab on to, but slapped my leg right across the headers when trying to get myself back up, #1 just barely grazed my knee, and that burn was gone in a week, #2 wasn't firing so it was cold, but #3 got me hard, and that will probably leave a scar. If #2 had been firing, I probably wouldn't have been able to walk at all, as it would have got me on the side of my legs, where it bends at the knee. All this comes years after learning my lesson about the front brake with a bicycle on a steep hill. I had also developed a habit of putting everything in the under seat compartment while I was tinkering with something, one day, I put my keys in there, and no more than a few minutes later, accidentally knocked the seat and it closed and locked, with my only key underneath it. Fortunately that day I had the tank off and was able to reach in and pull it out.





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Offline donny

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Re: Share your tail of a moron, I dare you to beat mine.
« Reply #44 on: September 12, 2007, 03:40:43 AM »
some moe-ron in my neighborhood:

replacing cables:
test ride:
gently negotiating bike between patio lights and porch steps:
clutch catches, throttle sticks open as rider looses balance off the back:
rider loses grip on handlebars and flips backward off bike:
 so bike shoots across yard and plows up sod, with throttle stuck at about 1/2:
rider looking up at clouds and his boots:
...there a lot of real moe-rons on this board:
I am healing up nicely, thank you.
750f had bent handlebars, thanks for asking.
2007 Husqvarna self propelled lawn mower    1976F    1971K    1974K      1990 FXRS-SP

Wycked

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Re: Share your tail of a moron, I dare you to beat mine.
« Reply #45 on: September 12, 2007, 05:58:10 AM »
Was helping a neighbor lady who had a snapped serpentine belt, not completely snapped, so it was still in place. Leaned over the side to get a look at the belt number all the way down the side, mostly out of view, but in the most easily seeable spot. Right over the uncapped Positive and Negative Jump points under the hood. I think I have a permanent lump on the back of my head from when I hit the hood, my hand hit the hood retaining rod, and the whole thing came down on my shoulders...Or the time I wasn't paying as close attention as I should and welded a screw driver between the frame and positive battery post when the two made contact while trying to tighten something up across the frame.

Offline dustyc

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Re: Share your tail of a moron, I dare you to beat mine.
« Reply #46 on: September 12, 2007, 12:20:11 PM »
I think we need to change the name of this thread to something like "mechanics' confessional". 

I'll offer one up.  While trying to figure out why my bike was running on 2 cylinders, I cranked her up for a minute and went to tap the pipes to see which were hot and which were not.  Rather than a tap though like I intended, I grabbed.  Blistered the tips of all my fingers on my left hand.

1977 CB750

Offline Bob Wessner

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Re: Share your tail of a moron, I dare you to beat mine.
« Reply #47 on: September 12, 2007, 01:08:07 PM »
Just pulled a good one myself today. Getting ready to run a 220 line out to the garage via a buried conduit. I tried a trenching shovel first. We have way to much clay. Got the bright idea to use our Ryobi with the tiller attachment. The plan was to go back and forth loosening a few inches at a time and shoveling the loose dirt out. Worked great. First time I shut-off the tiller, after shoveling, I went to restart it. It can be a bear to start first time cold, but this time it was still warmed up. Pulled and pulled, tried full choke, half choke, not choke, etc. Damn arm was getting tired. Glance down and noticed I had forgotten to throw the ignition to the 'on' position. ::)
We'll all be someone else's PO some day.

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Re: Share your tail of a moron, I dare you to beat mine.
« Reply #48 on: September 12, 2007, 01:18:21 PM »
Years ago during what's called bulk pickup I saw a fairly new Lawnboy lawnmower set out with the trash. I asked if it was indeed for the trash and the homeowner assured me it was. So I got his permission to take it and I took it home. I looked in the fuel tank and it was full of two cycle oil, no gasoline! I dumped it out and filled it with straight gas and it fired up and ran fine. I used that mower two years then sold it.BTW this is a Tale of a moron NOT a tail.

Offline cleveland

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Re: Share your tail of a moron, I dare you to beat mine.
« Reply #49 on: September 12, 2007, 01:40:19 PM »
BTW this is a Tale of a moron NOT a tail.

WOW, first person to mention it.  I though it really personified what a moron I felt like.  ;)