Topic: Share your tail of a moron, I dare you to beat mine.

[antiq]

  Actually at first I'd planned to ignore the infraction. However I'm constantly irritated by news people who cannot use the correct words, correct spelling or even at times form a complete sent.
You get the idea. While this is an entertaining thread these aren't really moronic tales. I'm surrounded by morons in the union shop where I work. Real morons are consistently doing these unthinking bonehead actions. Give yourselves a pat on the back for having only occasional moron attacks or what I like to call brain cramps.

[smccloud]

tonight i hit the handle bar kill switch to get #1 to tdc on the compression stroke, reset the timing chain tension, got it all done.  rolled out of the garage (single car garage with lots of crap in it, ride bike in, bakc out).  went to start it and it wouldn't start, checked the choke and gas, tried again.  noticed the kill switch

i'm also very good at leaving the gas off.  also put at least once extra quart of oil in it since i got it 3 years ago.

[fmctm1sw]

I just remembered one of mine.  Side cover + paint remover = dissolving plastic.   

[clarkjh]

Best one, Dark night, sweeping left hander, side stand down.  Lots of sparks.

James

[GroovieGhoulie]

Mine that I can recall now is so inoffensive, I almost feel bad about posting it.

Had to borrow a friend of mine's CBR600RR for a riding test.  First time riding a bike built after 1976.  So I start it, check the controls, and drop it into gear.  Engine dies.  Pull clutch, press button, no dice.  Find neutral, start it up.  Drop it into first.  Dies.  This goes on for another 10 minutes, until he comes out of the house and tells me that the CBR has a switch that kills the engine if the sidestand is down and it's in gear.

WTF??

I'LL decide whether or not I want the sidestand down when I have the bike in gear or not, THANK YOU!!  I don't want some damn computer doing it for me.

Anyway, I felt VERY foolish about it, until he rode my CB, but that's a story for another day.

[canyon750]

BTW this is a Tale of a moron NOT a tail.

WOW, first person to mention it.  I though it really personified what a moron I felt like. 

I figured you were having a bad enough day and didn't want to keep kickin you when you were down! 

[72 yellow]

It's possible to have more than one moron moment.  Fast foreward to 1971.  I have now purchased a new CB450.  I leave my parents house wide open toward a divided 6 lane road.  I suddenly realize I am going way to fast to stop.  I jamb on the rear brake and proceed to slide across 2 of the 3 southbound lanes. The only car on the road is in the inside lane, next to the median.  I guess it helps to have a Guardian Angel that never blinks.

[Glenn Stauffer]

I was working on my RD400 one day; took it out for a ride a few days later and discovered I forgot to tightly connect the fuel lines; had one pop loose while I was riding down the road - something I discovered when I noticed the engine cut out a bit and saw gas splashing all over my pant leg.

Just this week, I put oil in my Honda Civic.  Drove to work the next day (130 mile round-trip).  Noticed an oil smell, but it went away and I thought nothing of it.  The next morning, I noticed an oil smell and pulled over in a lit parking lot.  When I opened the hood, I saw that I forgot to put the oil filler cap back on.  Drove home and was fortunate to find that the filler cap was still there under the hood and that the engine was only down a quart.  Of course, that quart is now spread all over the engine compartment - I was really lucky that it didn't catch fire!

Was adding oil to my old Volvo wagon one day at a gas station and spilled oil down the side of the engine - the exhaust side.  The oil caught fire; fortunately I was able to blow the flames out!

Was driving in my MG Midget one day and thought I heard a helicopter.  I was looking all around for the damn thing when I looked in the rear-view mirror and noticed that my rear tire was wobbling something awful.  Turns out I forgot to tighten the lug nuts.

I'm a hell of a lot more careful when I work on my bike; mistakes there are much less recoverable.

[dustyc]

Was driving in my MG Midget one day and thought I heard a helicopter.  I was looking all around for the damn thing when I looked in the rear-view mirror and noticed that my rear tire was wobbling something awful.  Turns out I forgot to tighten the lug nuts.

I had a similar thing happen in a VW Bug, but before I could get stopped I felt the car drop, grind and watched the wheel go by me. Ripped right through the fender.  I'm glad you reminded me of that one.

[MoTo-BunnY]

LOL.. .I was in a VW bug as the passenger, when that same thing happened! I was sitting behind the driver, and the rear left wheel was the one to fly off!   

I was talking to him and my other friend in the front passenger seat when there was a wobbling but before he could pull over, that back corner of the bug just dropped. I was looking up at them at this weird angle while the car swerved a few times and we pulled over (fortunately, was only going like 30 mph when this all happened)

We even lucked out that the hubcap caught all the wheel bolts (not lug nuts on old bugs) and they weren't too bunged up. It was a pretty bizarre but fortunately no one was hurt nor even scared really. I think that the fact that when opening the doors on the bug to get out, it looked like something out of a Cheech and Chong movie with all the smoke (not cigarette) rolling out of a dandelion yellow VW bug, had something to do with us all being real mellllowwwww about the near accident . Maybe it was also the same reason the bolts weren't tightened down to begin with, too?  *doh* 

[mrbreeze]

  ................

[UnCrash]

I pulled the rear wheel off my 78 750F this spring to get a new tire.

I decided to clean the steel wheel parts and for some reason which I can't fathom now, unscrewed most of the retaining nuts.  I put them back on after scrubbing the wheel but only finger tight, I was going to grab a wrench.  I grabbed a beer instead and forgot about them.

Next day I drove to work.  Later in that day I walked out into the parking lot and see a nut on the ground.  I commented to a co-worker "That can't be good if someone lost one of these". 

I drive home that night and notice that the rear end doesn't seem right, like my tire was low on air.  I pulled into a gas station, throw some quarters in the compressor and go to fill up.  To my horror I see that I only have 3 nuts left on the bike.  So I got on and rode it home.    Fortunately only 3 blocks away.

It took some searching to find the correct collared nut here in Portland Maine.

Yea, I got lucky on that one.

[72 yellow]

Anybody cover the moron tales at the dealerships ??  In 1976, I purchased a new H-D FX Superglide (I know I should have known better).  Since it was November, he offered free storage till spring. I called a week in advance to let him know I wanted to pick the bike up.  He said he would prep the bike and have it ready.  When I arrived it was outside in the alley.  When I drove away all was well until I attempted to stop.  They had not filled and bled the brakes properly (front and rear).  I ended up between a stopped car and the curb, making a sudden right turn at the intersection and using the kill button to stop.  They only offered a shrug for a apology for the oversight that almost killed me.  The dealership closed a few years later.  Dealer prep: The most expensive wash job you will ever pay for.

[paxtonpony]

I could fill alot of pages on this subject between rebuilding cars and bikes but I'll spare you.  My current favorite moron tale belongs to my friend and his first bike.  He's late 30's and decided to take up riding.  He figured he wanted a bike he wouldn't have to worry about outgrowing for awhile so he bought a Hayabusa.  WTF?  I know for certain he never once broke the speed limit.  In fact his one trip on the highway never exceeded 50mph.  He sold it about 2 months later.  He spooked himself really, really bad and won't even look at a bike now.  Was very lucky he didn't wreck or kill himself.  Not really even sure if he had a license.

OK one personal:  was loosening the bumper bolts on my 49 Buick (about 20 years ago) and had my head almost resting on it while I was trying to get the rusted bolts undone inside.  The bumper had some serious tension to it which I didn't know.  Anyway, the bolt broke and the side I had my head almost on sprung out.  To this day I don't know how long I was laying there unconscious.  

[HondaMan]

This month has been littered with moron type actions on my part.  I know I am not alone, but I think I take the cake.  After poking fun at me, feel free to share your tail of a moron. 

I changed the oil in my 550 a couple weeks ago.  After putting about 50 miles on it I was rummaging around in my garage and noticed the empty oil bottle.  It was for 2 stroke motorcycle oil!    What a moron. 

I drained the oil right away and picked up the correct oil and replaced the oil filter.  I figured I would ride it for a couple hundred miles and replace the oil again.

Then (yes, it gets better) I was gassing up a few days later and spilled gas on my bike.    The gas looked like a waterfall as it poured all over the tank.  I cleaned up the gas as I indulged in a festival of cussing. 

So I think the bad can't get worse, I was wrong.  My bike got loud and lost a lot of power.  WTF now?  So I am looking over everything and I remember someone on the board talking about the symptoms of their bike when one of their plugs was not firing.  Sure enough, one of the plugs was gunked up and.......smelled like gas.  So then it hits me.  When I spilled the gas some must have pooled up in the hole that the first plug goes into.  So I replace the plug and whaaa la, we are back on the road.

All of this brings me to yesterday.  I rode my bike out to the Anti Al-Qeada BBQ which is about 45 minutes away.  Check the bike over real well as this was to be my first time going any long distance and my first time on the freeway. 

Half way there the bike just stalls.  I pull over thinking the worse and it turned out to be that I closed the choke all the way.  Wheew, that was scary. 

Everything else went fine until the ride home.  First I start to loose throttle response, then she dies.  I check the choke, then the gas, the fuel line/filter, then the oil.  She was a bit low, but nothing that should have caused her to stall.  I fire her back up and she sounded fine.  So I ride another 5 minutes or so and now she got loud, real loud!  Loss of power, poor throttle response, could the plugs be gunked up again.  So I pull off into a parking lot and call for a plug wrench, wire brush, and some oil.  I waited about an hour and a half for my sister to show up. 

I put in some oil, and checked the plug.  The plug looked fine.    At this point I am really getting scared because I wouldn't be able to get a truck or trailer out to this parking lot until Wed.  So I try to start her again and she sounded great.  As I am riding I begin to wonder if it was the oil and she stalls again. 

So I start from square one.  I check the gas, and I was empty!    Turns out there is a ring in the tank that I though was where the gas line was.  It was rather dark on the side of the road and I though the tank was half full.

So I put the petcock onto reserve and rode over to the closest gas station.  She purred the rest of the way home. 

This is the third time I have been trouble shooting and over looked the obvious.  From here on out, I triple check the gas first!

Ahhhh!
You make me feel SO much better.
(No, I'm not telling....)

[cb650 bobber]

last night pulled into the gym and turned under a tree that had been putting off a ton of little nuts....and realized that it was like driving on marbles no harm no foul...lesson learned though.

[martini]

I spent two hours one fine sunny afternoon outside of a cafe trying to start my bike, managed to kill the battery in the process. Finally broke down and called the wife to pick me up. As I'm sitting there waiting for her to arrive the light bulb goes on - the kill switch. Turn it to on, kick it over (because the battery is now dead) fires up first try!

At least the wife found it funny!

[Ingrid]

Right here goes my lovely 1980 CX500 and my first bike.
come home, drive up to parking spot, put into neutral, switch off indicator, turn the key to kill the engine, turn the petcock to off, get off bike and let go.... Without putting out the sidestand  

[paxtonpony]

Right here goes my lovely 1980 CX500 and my first bike.
come home, drive up to parking spot, put into neutral, switch off indicator, turn the key to kill the engine, turn the petcock to off, get off bike and let go.... Without putting out the sidestand  

ROFL!  That's a good one!  I haven't done that but I have driven off with the kickstand down a few times.  Scares the hell out of you when it scrapes on left turns.  My other bike doesn't run unless it's in neutral or the kick stand is up. 

[Helo229]

Well, today I was getting ready to pull my engine, being meticulous about not making a bit of a mess the whole time, and quite frankly, exceding. I had the oil drained, oil pan removed (for the extra unch of clearance), and to this point, not a drop of oil touched my garage floor...

Then I went to remove the filter, trusty 17mm wrench in hand. And as I'm trying to turn it, pushing downwards on the wrench, it slips off, and my fist slams into the edge of the oil pan I have sitting underneath, creating a splash similar to what you would get when you toss a fat guy off the diving board, as the oil pan flips into the air. Coating the entire front of the engine, frame, forks, tire, myself, and about 10 square feet of garage. Har har.. har har. I am moron incarnate. Bill Engvall even stopped by and gave me a sign.   

[techy5025]

At least once a day, I try to put the CBR in gear with the kickstand down and kill the engine. Probably worse, I have come to depend on that safety switch which of course the CB's don't have....the first left is pucker time.  And of course, how many of us have flipped the gas selector to reserve, forgotten it was there, and 50 miles later run out of gas! 

The most moronic oil stunt I pulled was not on a bike but rather on a Cessna 310....a twin engined plane. I was taking instruction to get my "multi" rating using a rather old plane that always seemed to be low on oil when it was my turn to fly it. On this plane, the oil filler cap is on the top of the engine and the dipstick is on the side....each having a separate access door. So I show up, open the doors, take off the cap knowing it will be low, and then pull out the dipstick. About then the instructor shows up in a real hurry to get rolling. I proceed to shove the dipstick back....noting for once the oil is OK....and close the two doors. We took off and about 10 minutes later I look out and note about a six inch band of oil running from the access door back over the wing!  Yep....left the cap off. 

My inclination was to feather the engine and proceed immediately back to the airport on the other one. However, the instructor said to finish the hour...........so.  When we get back of course oil is dripping off everything. The owner of the plane comes out and asks my instructor if he left the cap off again.  Turns out he had done it twice before and knew that it would only loose a quart or so in an hour...out of ten in the engine. It was sorta like leaving the valve adjusting caps off a 750.

After cleaning up that mess, I never left that cap off again. 

Jim

[paulages]

i've been riding my 750 a lot, so last week when i got on my 550 i forgot that i had left it on reserve last time i was riding it. i headed out for a ride, when i began to sputter. i flip the petcock, only to discover that i was now in the on position.    i opened her up, trying to get what i can out of the top of the bowls through the mains, but still ran out of gas.

i was about 10 blocks or so from a gas station and in front of an auto zone. i didn't feel like pushing it nor removing the tank and walking with it, so i went in and bought two quarts of octane boost. put them in the tank, and it fired up and got me to the station.

[jonbuoy]

OK one personal:  was loosening the bumper bolts on my 49 Buick (about 20 years ago) and had my head almost resting on it while I was trying to get the rusted bolts undone inside.  The bumper had some serious tension to it which I didn't know.  Anyway, the bolt broke and the side I had my head almost on sprung out.  To this day I don't know how long I was laying there unconscious. 

 

[dpen]

1971 - Kwaka Mach 111 being a young apprentice mechanic I decided to do my own tune up

plugs, points (no cdi) etc - easy, feeling proud, I attacked the timing & stuffed it up.

Finally got it running - 7grand on the tacho, drop the clutch and......go backwards

[clarkjh]

Finally got it running - 7grand on the tacho, drop the clutch and......go backwards

OH s#@t, I just about spit my breakfast out laughing so hard.   So, how did reverse work

James