Author Topic: Englishman, Scotsman and Australian  (Read 1967 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline bryanj

  • Really Old Timer ...
  • *******
  • Posts: 14,073
  • CB500 Number 1000036
Englishman, Scotsman and Australian
« on: November 13, 2007, 06:36:26 AM »
The three were involved in a bad car smash and were all in the morgue about to be post mortemed when the aid notices the englishmans eyes flutter so they get the crash team and work on him for hours and bring him back.

"What happened" sez the medic to the englishman who replies

"Well i remember the crash and a bright white light then I was talking to St Peter with the others and Peter sez "Look lads it was a mistake and you are all too young to be here--donate A £5 and I will send you back" so I got out my wallet, gave him the cash and here I am!

"What about the other two" sez the Medic

"Ah" sez the englishman "Last time i saw them the scotsman was trying to negotiate a discount and the Aussie was waiting for his Government to pay"
Semi Geriatric ex-Honda mechanic and MOT tester (UK version of annual inspection). Garage full of "projects" mostly 500/4 from pre 73 (no road tax in UK).

Remember "Its always in the last place you look" COURSE IT IS YOU STOP LOOKIN THEN!

Offline nickjtc

  • I was numero dieci
  • Old Timer
  • ******
  • Posts: 4,210
  • Yamaha XT500 'Gromit'
Re: Englishman, Scotsman and Australian
« Reply #1 on: November 13, 2007, 06:45:56 AM »
Hereabouts it would be a Canadian trying to get the government to pay!
Nick J. Member #3247

2008 Triumph Tiger 1050
1977 Suzuki GS750

"That which does not kill us reminds us to wear proper motorcycle clothing...."

Offline BobbyR

  • Really Old Timer ...
  • *******
  • Posts: 12,367
  • Proud Owner of the Babe Thread & Dirty Old Man
Re: Englishman, Scotsman and Australian
« Reply #2 on: November 13, 2007, 07:19:38 AM »
 ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
Dedicated to Sgt. Howard Bruckner 1950 - 1969. KIA LONG KHANH.

But we were boys, and boys will be boys, and so they will. To us, everything was dangerous, but what of that? Had we not been made to live forever?

Offline 750goes

  • Master
  • *****
  • Posts: 2,128
  • it will live
Re: Englishman, Scotsman and Australian
« Reply #3 on: November 14, 2007, 02:51:00 PM »
thats BS


the aussie would have bet him double or nothing - heaven or hell..... ;D

Offline toycollector10

  • Expert
  • ****
  • Posts: 1,134
Re: Englishman, Scotsman and Australian
« Reply #4 on: November 14, 2007, 10:01:50 PM »
An Englishman, an Australian and a Kiwi were in a DC3 returning from a raid on enemy forces. Suddenly the port engine fails..after a couple of minutes the captain comes down the back and says "We're too heavy, we will crash unless we lighten the aircraft". So they all start throwing their gear out the door.

Five minutes later the pilot returns and says, "We're still to heavy, someone has to go to save the others". Up stands the Englishman and salutes then says "God bless England", and out he jumps.

Five minute later the pilot returns again and says "We're still too heavy, someone else has to go"

Up stands the Kiwi, salutes,




Then throws the Aussie out the door.

"God bless New Zealand"
1969  CB 750 K0
1973  CB175
1973  Z1 Kawasaki

Offline 750goes

  • Master
  • *****
  • Posts: 2,128
  • it will live
Re: Englishman, Scotsman and Australian
« Reply #5 on: November 15, 2007, 02:08:37 AM »
Yeah,  we all know the kiwis are too heavy to lift      or jump in lineouts   ;D ;D

Offline CrisPDuk

  • Christ on a bike! Me, an
  • Expert
  • ****
  • Posts: 1,115
  • Oh happy day! 3rd December 2005
Re: Englishman, Scotsman and Australian
« Reply #6 on: November 17, 2007, 11:16:00 PM »
Whereas everybody knows Aussies are p!ss weak, and can't even hold their own weight up in a scrummage ;D
Education: Elitist activity. Cost ineffective. Unpopular with Grey Suits. Now largely replaced by Training."


1978 CB550 K3
1985 H100S

Offline 750goes

  • Master
  • *****
  • Posts: 2,128
  • it will live
Re: Englishman, Scotsman and Australian
« Reply #7 on: November 17, 2007, 11:25:37 PM »
But we can DRINK our weight in no time...............ha ha  ;D ;D

Offline CrisPDuk

  • Christ on a bike! Me, an
  • Expert
  • ****
  • Posts: 1,115
  • Oh happy day! 3rd December 2005
Re: Englishman, Scotsman and Australian
« Reply #8 on: November 18, 2007, 01:03:46 AM »
Which probably also explains why there has never been an antipodeanof note in any of the fields of art, music, science or literature ;D





With the honourable exception of the great Rolf Harris 8)  He did however leave your god-forsaken rock for more civilized climes many decades ago ;D
Education: Elitist activity. Cost ineffective. Unpopular with Grey Suits. Now largely replaced by Training."


1978 CB550 K3
1985 H100S

Offline 750goes

  • Master
  • *****
  • Posts: 2,128
  • it will live
Re: Englishman, Scotsman and Australian
« Reply #9 on: November 18, 2007, 01:50:25 PM »
why are you so testy ?? you seem to want an argument ?? or am I misunderstanding your banal humour ?? crispyduk - is that like duckalorange ??  ;D