TT, in principle you are right, and that is how we have raised our kids. That is why she is not in debt, pays her own way, and gets by on next to nothing because she chooses to. That is why only once in about 3 years has she asked me to lend her money (I gave it to her) or otherwise bail her out. So this time, I offered to at least try and find her help. When she is here at home, she is respectful, pleasant, and pitches in around the house. She is good to her stepmother. She has a good heart, if not always good sense. She can tell you where the soup kitchens are in several towns not because she has sought food there, but because she has stopped in to offer her back and hands for a few hours (or days). In our family, blood really is thicker than water. When my dad and I would nearly come to blows, I still knew he wouldn't abandon me if I was to end up in a real jam. I keep the same tradition. None of our kids have ever abused the privilege. As far as keeping an honest perspective, my wife really does help me do that. If she were here in NM, I would try to directly help her. She's not, so I thought I would network it.
