Yes, 1 & 4 are at TDC at the same time. 2 & 3 are opposite, ie at BDC when 1 & 4 are at TDC.
If you can't feel any clearance on any valve adjustment then some are too tight. If you loosen all 8 off a few turns, you should be able to find the "loose" ones pretty easy, and adjust them. The "tight" ones will still be tight I think, unless you loosen the tappets a whole lot. Basically you can adjust both valves if the piston is at TDC on compression, and this is the best way to set them. You can do some others but it doesn't really save much time and I find it easier to just set 1 at compression TDC and set the #1 tappet clearances, turn the crank "forward" 1/2 turn to 2/4 TDC, set valves on 2, turn 1/2 turn to 1/4 TDC, set valves on 4, turn 1/2 turn to 2/3 TDC... and finally set valves on 3. (the firing order is 1-2-4-3)