(Hope this hasn't been posted before...)
Narcotics units
Grows facial hair and tells everyone he was ordered to.
Watches every episode of "Monster Garage."
Buys a biker wallet with a big chain and gets numerous tats.
Every case involves overtime $$$. Buys boats, RVs and motorcycles with the overtime.
Plays golf drunk.
SWAT
Wears team T-shirts that are two sizes too small, Oakley sunglasses and boots every day.
Tries to fit the word "breach" into every conversation. Has a mirror handy to check hair, if he has hair.
Has three knives concealed on his person at all times.
Never says hello to anyone who is not an operator.
Just practices his SWAT Head nods, and flexes biceps at every opportunity.
Subscribes to Soldier of Fortune & Muscle and Fitness.
Plays golf wearing his .45.
Community Service
Hates SWAT.
Tries to make everybody love him.
Paints his office in pastel colors.
Thinks Feng Shui.
Subscribes to Psychology Today.
Plays miniature golf.
School Resource Officers
Starbucks before work, shows up on campus at 0800. Knows every coffee pot on campus.
Sits behind his desk, pretending to work, but really surfing the net.
Hates kids, but loves the hours.
Only talks to the really hot teachers.
Only works at night when there is a football game.
Drives a golf cart all day on campus.
Traffic
Writes tickets to EVERYBODY.
Spends every weekend cleaning bike and polishing boots.
Annoys everyone on the radio, calling out T-stops.
Talks only about how many tickets he wrote that day.
Rides by buildings with big windows to see his reflection.
"Golf is lame, motor rodeos are cool!"
Administrative Units
Three-hour lunches every day; tells everybody it's a "meeting".
Always carries a manilla folder, so it looks like he's working, even if it is empty.
Upgrades department cell phone every month.
Tells everybody he has been published in a national law enforcement magazine.
Updates revenge list weekly.
"Golf Rules!" Plays lots of golf, especially with "higher ups."
Patrol
Has nerves of steel.
Is in a terminal state of heartburn from department politics.
Unable to keep mouth shut.
Has odd tastes in alcohol.
Is respected by peers.
Furiously beats the crap out of his caddy on every bogeyed golf shot.
Investigators
Comes in at 0800. "Breakfast" from 0815 to 1030.
Works from 1030 to noon. Works out and lunch to 1400; 1400-1700, sits in Criminal Investigation Department talking about his girlfriends and how the wife doesn't know.
Then plans his next RV, fishing or motorcycle trip.
Patrol Sergeant
Fondly remembers, "how we used to do it." Always willing to tell his officers about it.
Fits the word "liability" into every other sentence.
Talks constantly about "what I'm hearing from upstairs."
Trainee
Unable to grow facial hair.
Watches every episode of "Cops."
Worships the ground SWAT guys walk on.
Wears black leather gloves at all times.
Arrives for work two hours early.
Thinks the sergeant is thrilled to see him.
Won't drink on a golf course because of the open container ordinance.
