Topic: oil change

[martino1972]

Oil Changing Instructions


Women:
1.  Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 since the last oil
change.
2.  Drink a cup of coffee.
3.  15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly maintained
vehicle.

------------------------------------------

Men:
1.  Go to O'Reilly auto parts and write a check for 50 dollars for oil,
filter, oil lift (AKA kitty litter), hand cleaner and scented tree.
2.  Discover that the used oil container is full. Instead of taking back to
O'Reilly to recycle, dump in hole in back yard.
3.  Open a beer and drink it.
4.  Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
5.  Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.
6.  In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
7.  Place drain pan under engine.
8.  Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
9.  Give up and use crescent wrench.
10. Unscrew drain plug.
11. Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil; get hot oil on you in process.
12. Clean up.
13. Have another beer while oil is draining.
14. Look for oil filter wrench.
15. Give up; poke oil filter with Phillips screwdriver and twist it off.
16.  Beer.
17.  Buddy shows up; finish case with him. Finish oil change tomorrow.
18.  Next day, drag pan full of old oil out from underneath car.
19.  Throw oil lift (AKA kitty litter) on oil spilled during step 18.
20.  Beer. No, drank it all yesterday.
21.  Walk to 7-11; buy beer.
22.  Install new oil filter making sure to apply thin coat of clean oil to
gasket first.
23.  Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
24.  Remember drain plug from step 11.
25.  Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
26.  Hurry to replace drain plug before the whole quart of fresh oil drains
onto floor.
27.  Slip with wrench and bang knuckles on frame.
28.  Bang head on floor board in reaction.
29.  Begin cussing fit.
30.  Throw wrench.
31.  Cuss for additional 10 minutes because wrench hit Miss December(1992)
in the left boob.
32.  Clean up; apply Band-Aid to knuckle.
33.  Beer.
34.  Beer.
35.  Dump in additional 4 quarts of oil.
36.  Beer.
37.  Lower car from jack stands
38.  Accidentally crush one of the jack stands
39.  Move car back to apply more oil lift (AKA kitty litter) to fresh oil
spilled during step 23.
40.  Drive car

[medic09]

All too familiar! 

The good thing is, all those steps take less time on a bike. 

[mystic_1]

Heh, inquiring minds want to know if it was natural or synthetic oil!


<runs away>

mystic_1

[okie]

My version of item 39; and this is the truth. 

Wipe up spilled oil with lots of paper towels.
Throw paper towels in the plastic dumpster beside the garage.  (It also happens to be about a foot from the air conditioner condenser unit.  You will soon learn that this is VERY significant.)

Wait about 24 hours.

Discover that all of those silly stories you have always heard about spontaneous combustion might, in fact be true.  Your first clue is seeing BIG(Did I say big?  I meant REALLY BIG.) flames coming out of the area where the dumpster used to be.  You also notice that the air conditioner condenser has started burning because the heat from the plastic dumpster melted the coils and let out the oil in the A/C system.  That oil seems to be an excellent fuel for the fire. 

Yell at wife to call 911.

Notice that 240 Volt wire to A/C unit is melting/burning.  Better turn off all electric power to the house.  Oops, that disconnected the cordless handset phone the wife was using.  Have wife redial 911 on cell phone.

Did I mention that this is Christmas weekend?  It is cold outside and all of the garden hoses have been put in the storage building where they won't freeze and break the plumbing.  We run to the locked storage building and get a hose and take it back to the scene of the fire.  Guess where the hose connection is?  Yep, 15" from the A/C condenser with it's impenetrable wall of flames.  Thank goodness we grabbed the 100' hose that might reach from the hose connection on the other side of the house.  Flames are licking up to and above the roof overhang but, thankfully, we get the fire put out.  Now, the cop shows up and asks of somebody dialed 911.  Duh.  Learn that the cell call to 911 got routed to the wrong city, 10 miles away.  Cancel that request since the fire is now out.

prologue:

Bought one of those metal cans within a metal can with a spring-loaded lid for rags and paper towels with oil on them.  I use it religiously. $100

The city charged me for the melted dumpster.  $75

Home owner's insurance has $2000 deductible.  New A/C, installed was $1702.

Simple green, water and lots of scrubbing got rid of the smoke and soot on the house.  I have used a putty knife, chisel and grinder on the concrete area where the dumpster melted and most of the evidence is gone.

My oil change cost slightly more than $1900. 

[nickjtc]

Makes my pouring fresh oil in the top and forgetting to put the drain plug in the bottom seem tame!!

[eldar]

I must be an oil change GOD! All I ever do is get a couple drops on the ground!

[Ecosse]

I must be an oil change GOD! All I ever do is get a couple drops on the ground!

Yeah, my LOF project is a success if I don't drench my arm clear to my armpit in scalding oil! I'm a neat freak when it comes to the garage so a clean floor, engine etc... makes Bill a happy grease monkey.

Love the post Mr. 1972

[rhos1355]

I know this is about cars, but bear with me and hear me out. Used to do my own servicing on a volkswagen golf we had years ago. Lifted the air cleaner to get to the sparkplugs, jammed a rag into the carb intake to stop any debris falling in. Drained oil, replaced filters, including air filter, checked brake shoes and pads, adjusted handbrake, replenished oil. Fired her up. Went well for about 15 minutes then started misfiring like a good un'. Checked the hv leads and spark leads, yup, they're ok. Checked contact points , yup, correct gap. Jumped in fired her up a went for a test drive. Got  about 5 miles from home and after spluttering and jerking for the last half mile came to a complete dead end. Called the AA and hour and a half later they arrived, told them what had happened. Mechanic scratches chin with puzzled look on face, lifts air cleaner, and hey presto.................rag is still in carb!!

[jtb]

I don't know as I'da told that one, Brother Okie.   

[Jonesy]

I had modified it a bit for motorcycles:

http://forums.sohc4.net/index.php?topic=5958.0