Topic: Life/Girl Advice, haven't read these before have you?

[Dave-and-his-550]

I imagine this is a topic discussed between guys quite a bit, cause we can never seem to figure out women. So anyway here's my story:

I meet a girl who is very wonderful, sweet and beautiful and have known her for two weeks now. Her Mother is friends with my Mother and we all went out for dance lessons last Sunday night. They taught us Somba, Salsa and Tango. Neither one of us could dance that great, but we had an amazing time and we laughed a great deal at our terrible ability to keep up with the pace. We eventually caught on and got dancing pretty close together. So, I think she is starting to like me quite a bit but there is only one, well two problems. First, she is quite a bit younger then me (By 7 years) but she is very sweet and fun to be with. Second, she is leaving for home (100's of miles away) in two weeks and I think I'm really going to miss her. 

So, should I just forget about the fun we've had together and let her go home and live her life without hearing from her again? Or should I talk to her about how I feel, or ask her how she feels about me? Then maybe see if she'd like to stay in touch? Her Mother is very sweet also and we've been acquainted well, but might find it strange that I would like to stay in touch with her daughter who is still so young.

Maybe I'm just stirred up about this situation because I'm still new to my area, and have not made many friends here, and finally there is someone that I really enjoy being with and hate to see her leave, but am not sure where to go from here. Any thoughts?

Cheers,

Dave

[DammitDan]

First off, seven years ain't nothing.  Both my sisters are married to guys who are at LEAST 6 years older than them (the other 's husband is almost 9 years older).  Unless she's younger than 18, it's okay to date her 

Second, keep your feelings to yourself until she's actually leaving.  Let things play out for the next two weeks.  A.K.A. DON'T JUMP THE GUN!!!  (I'm speaking from experience here  )  Just keep spending time with her and enjoy yourself.

[Dave-and-his-550]

Thanks Dan, I'm gonna go to bed for now and sleep on it. Perhaps I'll keep doing my best at keeping her entertained (It is summer break for her after all, and she hasn't been doing much). Maybe take her out for a cycle ride tomorrow 

[Buber]

BTW, as the old marriage adage goes - when dating a woman, check how her mum looks and behaves. This is what you gonna get, eventually..... 

Whatever you do - go for it. Otherwise you'll be buggering yourselves "why I didn't?"

Good luck!

[tramp]

good idea to go riding
love me love my bike

[Raul CB750K1]

When I was 16 I met a girl who was 19 at my mother's village during summertime. I liked her and I felt she liked me. We were indeed very good friends, enjoy our time together a lot. I felt I loved her, but was afraid she didn't love me, just wanted to be my friend, and I didn't want to spoil a good friendship.

August was going by, I would be returning to Madrid and she would be returning to Salamanca, and I would not see her again until next summer. I felt I should take a step ahead because I didn't want to lose her. So four days before I was leaving I took the plunge and declared my love. I judged I could live with rejection for four days, as in that case I would not see her again for at least one year.

Two kids and 20 years later we are still together. 



"Dancing: the vertical expression of a horizontal desire"

[Uncle Ernie]

Well, first off- you don't say how old YOU are.  You're not Jerry Lee Lewis or Elvis Presley.  Personally, knowing what I know now, I wouldn't trust a woman under 30.  On the other hand, I sure do have a lot of memories    both good and bad.  Very good, and VERY bad.

Your first problem is- you're a Romantic.  With counseling and re-hab, you may learn to live a productive life anyway.  This sounds to me like the
THE Classic Summer Romance.  Fun, give the old ego a boost, and will leave you sad and pining away for several months after she's gone.  You'll take it very seriously and truely belive you may never find another girl as (fill in the blank) again.  This is all compounded by your vulnerability because of a new move and curent lack of friends.  Moving well and truely sucks- I know because my family moved several times when I was a kid.  Just keep putting one foot in front of the other and realize "this too shall pass".
Advice; make a fool of yourself but don't take it seriously / don't be too hard on yourself when she's gone by filling your head with recriminations and shoulda-woulda-coulda's.  Start a journal and write about it.  Read Kahlil Gibran.  Become deep and intriguing.  In the meantime, give her a big hug and tell her your nuts about her and ask for her address so you can write her (actual letters- not freakin e-Mail).  After a while you two will either become so close and deep they'll make a movie about your life together, or things will fade out as you both meet new people and move on.  30 years later, you'll be pleasantly surprised when something reminds you of the whole thing and you'll grin enigmatically to yourself.

[Raul CB750K1]

C'mon Uncle Ernie, actual letters? When you have video-conference, would you spend your time writing?

He can also forget the romantic side of a summer romance, have wild sex with her, and get on with his life.

One of the good things of summer romances is that if they are not genuine, they won't stand the test of distance. I have known many people who is burned with the flames of a new romance, just to fade away quickly so they just get on with their lives, hundred of miles away. It is easier when you don't see each other every day.

Personally, I date my wife for 8 years before we got married, and we saw each other one weekend every month. Maybe that was the key for our relationship lasting, but the fact is that had any of us felt the fire was gone, it would have been easier to split.


It all depends in which kind of persons both of you are. I would say go for it, and if any of you feel in the future that it was a wrong move, just be kind with the other and end up like friends again -specially if your mom's are friends-, at least you will have good memories. And hey!, you don't always have the chance to date a 7-years-younger-than-you girl!!!!!  When I was 16, dating a 19 year-old girl was a blast, I was a kid and she was a woman. Now I wouldn't mind she was 7 years younger than me HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

[Dave-and-his-550]

When I was 16 I met a girl who was 19 at my mother's village during summertime. I liked her and I felt she liked me. We were indeed very good friends, enjoy our time together a lot. I felt I loved her, but was afraid she didn't love me, just wanted to be my friend, and I didn't want to spoil a good friendship.

August was going by, I would be returning to Madrid and she would be returning to Salamanca, and I would not see her again until next summer. I felt I should take a step ahead because I didn't want to lose her. So four days before I was leaving I took the plunge and declared my love. I judged I could live with rejection for four days, as in that case I would not see her again for at least one year.

Two kids and 20 years later we are still together. 



"Dancing: the vertical expression of a horizontal desire"

Thats a wonderful story. And, the quote about dancing, I agree with ya there. It was so much fun dancing with her, I think that one night made me quite a bit more attracted to her. I'm only 23, so ya, that makes her 16. Kind of makes it a little strange, but I don't have any intentions of trying to literally be with her in this 'horizontal desire'    She is just really sweet and fun to hang around with. I myself am still a little childish at heart. 

Uncle Ernie - Ha, ya I am a romantic. I do things by-the-book. Chivalry is not dead! Anyway, writing to her would be a nice touch. I haven't written actual letters for years it seems.

Her Mother wants to move here, probably after her daughter gets out of school. She even thought of having her just transfer to a school here, so her Mom really wants to move. I guess this is something to look forward to for me, but not so much for her because I'm sure she will leave behind friends like I did so many times. This, could be another reason to stay in touch with her, at least she'll have a friend here.

Well, I'm off to work.

Cheers,

Dave

[ofreen]

Second, she is leaving for home (100's of miles away) in two weeks and I think I'm really going to miss her. 

I always found going to see a girl is an excellent reason to go for a bike ride.

I'm only 23, so ya, that makes her 16.
Cheers,

Dave

You horndog.

[siter81]

   STAY AWAY

[mkramer1121]

Thats a wonderful story. And, the quote about dancing, I agree with ya there. It was so much fun dancing with her, I think that one night made me quite a bit more attracted to her. I'm only 23, so ya, that makes her 16. Kind of makes it a little strange, but I don't have any intentions of trying to literally be with her in this 'horizontal desire'    She is just really sweet and fun to hang around with. I myself am still a little childish at heart. 

Uncle Ernie - Ha, ya I am a romantic. I do things by-the-book. Chivalry is not dead! Anyway, writing to her would be a nice touch. I haven't written actual letters for years it seems.

Her Mother wants to move here, probably after her daughter gets out of school. She even thought of having her just transfer to a school here, so her Mom really wants to move. I guess this is something to look forward to for me, but not so much for her because I'm sure she will leave behind friends like I did so many times. This, could be another reason to stay in touch with her, at least she'll have a friend here.

Well, I'm off to work.

Cheers,

Dave

7 years is a large age gap for someone her age.  Honestly, she probably has a lot of growing up to do as you probably did at her age as well.  I know I did.  Heck, I though I had it all figured out by 17.  I find myself, @ 25, not even considering dating someone under 21 as they are still in the college/party stage of their life.  Though you do get along now, think of some of the things that you like to do that she possibly can't do (go to a bar to catch a band for instance).  Its just a thought though.  Honestly, do what you want as long as her mom is cool with it you're golden.

[mattcb350f]

Just enjoy yourself Dave. I've done the  "oh so eager to commit cause' your fun thing" and it never worked out.

A young woman's mind changes awful rapidly from 16 yrs. on...

While she's enjoying things now, in a month she'll have other ideas, just as you're thinking this is it.

 Matt.

EDIT: I'm with mkramer,  we change an awful lot too. I'm 26 and have a completely different view on relationships now than I did a few years ago.

[mlinder]

She's 16. She has no idea what she wants, and she will NOT be the same person in 14 years that she is now.
Have fun this next two weeks, and let her get back to dating highschool kids at the end of it.

[Bikebuff]

I too am a romantic and when I was 23 I wanted something serious that would lead to marriage, or at the very least something very long-term.  Anyhow, I'm 35 now and only recently married (2 years ago).  You might say I spent a lot of time trying to find my spouse but when I got burned a couple of times (one girl was a psychologist with a borderline personality disorder sprinkled with dependent personality traits; the other girl just plain bailed because she wanted to devote her time to training for marathons), I realized that the problem with all this was really me.  I needed some time to figure out who I was and what I wanted to be.  After that (which took several years), I became content and peaceful with just doing my own thing and flying solo.  I dated a bit, but wasn't focused on finding "her."  Later on, I met my wife at a German festival (Germanfest in Milwaukee, WI).  I belong to a dancing group called Muller Fasching Verein and she was/is a member of the Milwaukee Donauschwauben.  Point being, I met my wife at a time when I wasn't looking for her.  Ironic, eh?

You may not be in the place I was and all the above may not apply at all to your current situation, just wanted to share my experience.  I'm with the rest of the folks here.  She's pretty young and won't be in the same place (maturity and otherwise).  I'd enjoy the time you have now and take those memories and apply them to when you meet another girl.  What I mean is, what kind of qualities of this girl do you like that you would like another girl to have too?  Your experiences will help carve out what is important to you and what you will absolutely not put up with in a girl.  It'll help you decipher what kind of girl is deserving of your time. 

Have fun, don't take life too seriously and enjoy figuring out who you are. 


Prost!

[ieism]

offtopic: Milwaukee Donauschwauben   This forum keeps amazing me...
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Anyway, you're a guy. And guys don't run to women declaring their love. That's just not how it works. We wait, and play the game. Then they declare their love to us. If that doesn't happen, you either suck at playing the game or she doesn't love you enough.

Plus you feel cooler.

[Dave-and-his-550]

7 years is a large age gap for someone her age.  Honestly, she probably has a lot of growing up to do as you probably did at her age as well.  I know I did.  Heck, I though I had it all figured out by 17.  I find myself, @ 25, not even considering dating someone under 21 as they are still in the college/party stage of their life.  Though you do get along now, think of some of the things that you like to do that she possibly can't do (go to a bar to catch a band for instance).  Its just a thought though.  Honestly, do what you want as long as her mom is cool with it you're golden.

I totally agree, I am past that college/party stage and I'm only 23, then again I never really got into that whole scene. But she will more then likely go through all of that over the next couple years, which is cool, and I'm sure she'll change her mind about a lot of things, but I also think that once you like a person, you will always like them. You will have indifferences over time of course, and arguments sure, but unless something really drastic happens (Like some kind of abuse thing) then I think people genuinely feel attached to each other, even over distances.

I think I already sense mood changes in her    When we were dancing the other night she was so radiant. Both of us having fun, she didn't want me to stop dancing with her, she was very flirty and touchy with me which put me a little...out of place, because of her age. But then, the next day, she was somewhat distant, avoiding, and uncommunicative

I agree with ya mkramer1121, I don't consider dating younger girls either, I feel they have to be on the same level as me, but then again, sometimes its nice having a girlfriend who can kind of, look up to their man because of all our intelligence and knowledge of the world 

Just enjoy yourself Dave.

I think I'm gonna do my best to just follow this simple bit of advise. 

[rhos1355]

Do you know what is really sad about this whole stream/topic. Here's a guy who's opened his heart and feelings to virtual strangers, and loads of guys have chipped in and given him some really honest and heart-felt advice, but....................NOT A SINGLE FEMALE MEMBER HAS OFFERED ANYTHING! That's sad. Years ago, they'd have been all over you, cooing and tutting and pressing your head into their warm motherly t.....er, chests. But now? Nada. Not a squeak!
What's happening to this world?

[mkramer1121]

sometimes its nice having a girlfriend who can kind of, look up to their man because of all our intelligence and knowledge of the world 

Will never happen no matter how old they are...

If you feel that way about always liking someone, etc., then wait it out, stay in touch as friends, and then when she shows a genuine interest to get serious in a couple years, then go for it.

[seaweb11]

photo? 

[my78k]

better yet....video?

Dennis

[snarferer]

Maybe I'm suggesting something illegal and inappropriate....

Just enjoy some 16 year old poon. 

Serious relationships don't happen at that age with that kind of an age gap.

Hit it and Quit it, chief!

[DammitDan]

I have much the same kind of personality disorder that you have, Dave.  I'm too open with my emotions with women, which has a tendency to make things go down in flames.  I also get more attached more quickly than she does.  I'm working through the problem one step at a time, though 

That's why I suggest, IF you feel the absolute need to do so, don't say anything about how you feel until she's actually packed and leaving.  Being too open with your feelings can spook a woman and make her run for cover, just as easily as it can make a guy run away screaming when a girl tells him, "I think I'm in love with you" on the first date.  Enjoy yourself for the next two weeks.  I know it feels nearly impossible to do so with all those conflicting feelings inside, but you can manage if you force yourself to put it all on the backburner.

And I gotta say...  man, 16 years old?  Be careful with that... 

[CBGhia]

I'm going to take the Lycus aproach and say "you don't want a relationship"  at least not until you are older.   Now is the time to date around.  Your 20's can be an awesome time if you just go from girl to girl without getting attached.   It's hard, I know.  I used to get too attached as well.  Then for a short time, before I met my wife,  I just went from girl to girl.  It was fantastic!!  The older you get the less chance you have of pulling that kind of thing off. 

[Raul CB750K1]

You should have mentioned before that she is only 16. She is still a teenager. I had a friend that dated a 15-year-old girl when he was 18. Sure enough, she looked older, but the guy only lasted a couple of weeks. After all, she was nothing more than a grown-up child. And we are not talking even sex. Their parents would let her out just until 10.00 PM. She could not talk about anything "mature", just cartoons, clothes, etc. And when she was with her friends, you can guess the situation.

Forget about her now, but keep the door open. In seven years you will be 30, and she will be 23. Then you will WANT to dance with her, either vertically or horizontally!!!!!