Topic: i need advise..

[martino1972]

hey,you all..

any of you have any advise on how a divorce works???
we have one kid and a acreage....
we live in alberta canada...

problem is,she's telling me she that she's gonne try and take everything,the acreage,full costidy of my son and make me bleed for every penny i have....

with the corrupt legal system,im afraid she will succeed...
is there any mazes in the net,to avoid this???]

[mlinder]

Two Words:

Divorce Lawyer

[texaninseattle]

is there any way she could just "dissappear"?


j/k get an attorney fast....like yesterday

[kirkn]

four words:

AGGRESSIVE divorce lawyer IMMEDIATELY

[fuzzybutt]

if you can afford it get a private investigator, see if the can "get something" on your soon to be ex. my best friend did and he ended up not having to give his cheating ex anything at all, no alimony, he got the kids and the house and the cars.

[333]

If it is just a "grown apart, he pisses me off, she nags me to death" divorce, you still may lose the acreage.  The only way one will get everything is if the other is the cheater, or something as bad as that.  Other than one of you getting a crappy lawyer.  It is difficult to split a home down the middle without selling it.

Now get a lawyer!!!

[seaweb11]

You will either buy out her 1/2 of property or it will be sold and each of you will get 1/2.  CDN Law.

As for custody, my approach was to go for full custody before she did. Long story, but I finally won!!!!!

At worst you will get joint custody as a "parting gift".  CDN Law.  If you allow her to get custody due to your 1/2 ass-ed attempts, you will be paying to "Ex Wife" a percentage of your income until child has finished 4 years of University.   CDN Law.

Get on with it now and tell your new attorney to go for full custody, they will tell you that you won't win, but that's not the point of the exercise. It's true purpose to scare the crap out of her lawyer, and the wife will be told she better settle for joint.
Now all expenses are shared.


Good luck man

[750K2]

i watched my younger brother go through two bitter divorces and i wish you all the luck in the world!  get the best lawyer you can possibly afford.  then, resign yourself to the fact that she's already headed down the nasty route and will gladly feed your testicles to the raccoons if you leave them (the testicles) unattended.  also be prepared to defend yourself to the utmost her unsubstansiated and false claims of abuse against her and your child.   take the high road whenever possible, keep your cool at all times, have witnesses with you when you have to have a discussion (i.e. your lawyer).  put things in writing, use certified post, start and keep the best paper trail you can.  and if you happen to have an accountant, make sure that he's on  your side.   if you don't have one of them, get one.  soon.  like yesterday.

from now on you are not dealing with anything remotely resembling a rational being.  she will lie, cheat, steal, use the court system to her utmost advantage, put you in the poorhouse, or in prison if possible.  she will do whatever she can to destroy your relationship with your child.   she will never stop, never give up...think 'terminator' with pms.    if you think she spent too much time planning her wedding day, wait'll you see her in action now.  her every waking moment will be filled with the goal of ruining your life.  do not take that lightly. 

and if you think your lawyer is not zealously guarding your interests, you're probably right.  they can be very lazy and just not all that interested in doing a good job.  do your homework when hiring one.  interview with them, ask your friends, co-workers and business partners for good references.   even though you're probably two steps behind your soon-to-be-ex, get the right lawyer, not just any lawyer.   and good luck my friend!  there's brighter days ahead.  and remember, the best revenge is to live well. 

[my78k]

Seaweb is right (as usual) in regards to Canadian Law. Basically the matrimonial home and all assets are divided right down the middle. The only exception to this is any inheritances willed directly to you. You may not lose the house directly but you will be on the hook to pay her out for half of any equity.

Also, a good point re: custody. If it is joint likely there will be no extra payments as long as your income is fairly close to equal. If you make substantially more there may be some "interpretation" by the courts. Also, she may be able to file for spousal support depending again on difference in income (or if she can make a claim that she stayed home to support you and the kid while you climbed the corporate ladder or whatever). The first thing I would do if she gets temporary custody (while all this gets sorted out) is get an injunction to prevent her from moving any great distance. You can't of course prevent her from moving but what it does is put the onus on her if she chooses to move. At that point she would be on the hook for travel expenses etc during custody visits (including in the case of joint custody). My buddy didn't do this and now he is on the hook to make arrangements (and pay half) for his kid to jump on the train for the 4 hour ride (or drive out to get him) everyweekend from half way from Windsor to the east side of Toronto and then return.

A good lawyer will help but at the same time there are somethings that aren't up for negotiations when it comes to divorce in Canada.

Hang in there...it is a crappy situation and will be hard on all three of you! Hopefully you guys can do your best to minimize the impact to your child.

Dennis

[Jerry Rxman Griffin aka MuthaF'er]

I like what Seaweb proposes but since I'm not Canadian WTF do I know?! Well, done it twice (don't learn very well about marriage) but I got smarter about divorce. The most important question I posed to the judge was "if she gets half of the assets doesn't she also get half of the liabilities?!!"
The answer in my case was yes. I didn't have much assets then so it didn't really matter but I'd be damned if that #$%* that didn't pay any bills or work while I paid for her college education was going to clean my plow! BUT with this thought in mind you might want to consider leaving her ass in fairly deep debt if you can afford your half. Just don't do this foolishly or it could bite you. I seriously considered "going to Vegas" and losing all the cash we had and then some. Prove I didn't do it was my thinking. Jack up the credit cards for a going away present. After all was said and done I'd dig up that container of the cash that I'd "lost" and worked my ass off for. I did go to Barbados though by myself and had a fantastic time   

Bitter - FN A! Hosed - hell no! She filed bankruptcy 7 years later. And to think I once loved her, ha! 

Damn, I feel much better now!     

[Rocking-M]

I like what Seaweb proposes but since I'm not Canadian WTF do I know?! Well, done it twice (don't learn very well about marriage) but I got smarter about divorce. The most important question I posed to the judge was "if she gets half of the assets doesn't she also get half of the liabilities?!!"
The answer in my case was yes. I didn't have much assets then so it didn't really matter but I'd be damned if that #$%* that didn't pay any bills or work while I paid for her college education was going to clean my plow! BUT with this thought in mind you might want to consider leaving her ass in fairly deep debt if you can afford your half. Just don't do this foolishly or it could bite you. I seriously considered "going to Vegas" and losing all the cash we had and then some. Prove I didn't do it was my thinking. Jack up the credit cards for a going away present. After all was said and done I'd dig up that container of the cash that I'd "lost" and worked my ass off for. I did go to Barbados though by myself and had a fantastic time   

Bitter - FN A! Hosed - hell no! She filed bankruptcy 7 years later. And to think I once loved her, ha!

Damn, I feel much better now!     

Is it ok to think this was funny?

[Jerry Rxman Griffin aka MuthaF'er]

Funnier that #$%* NOW!! 

[martino1972]

funny is aloud..

thanks guys,thats some good advice....
im on the hunt for a good lawyer,and for sure will do that full custody thing....
it might get complicated,since i do have my own business,but i will see where it all ends..
for now i feel pretty rotten about the whole thing,anybody got a good joke for a laugh??

[DammitDan]

Why do gorillas have big nostrils?






















It's down here somewhere...






























Because gorillas have big fingers.


Sorry, best I could come up with on short notice. 

[rhos1355]

What I don't understand, call me newly-wed naive, is why do women do that? I mean get nasty and spiteful? Sheeit, man you share the matrimonial bed, the good days, the happy days the bad days, etc. And then suddenly it's "you're the bastard, I'm gonna make you pay"! You wouldn't fleece a friend when when you fall out, would you?

[rbmgf7]

don't let her get the bikes!

[medic09]

Martino, I'm very sorry for your trouble.  I hope this will be settled with a minimum of lingering damage.  Meanwhile, I'm sorry that the disappointment is real.

I have no advice on the practical aspects of divorce, especially not in Canada.  I do know a thing or two about children.  If you have children, you must know that damage is already being done to them.  Children, like dogs (sort of) sense a lot more than they understand.  Then, they often misinterpret what they sense.  They often unconsciously think they are to blame.  They certainly don't understand, are afraid, and need lots of support and reassurance.  So, the emotional and psychological burden on children when their parents are at war is pretty terrible.  Some kids are horribly affected by this.  Even while you are fighting your ex (and you will have to, as all have noted here) you will need to find the ways to emotionally and psychologically protect your children and help them compensate for whatever damage is being done them.

If you have children, a one-hour consult with a good child psychologist might be a very important investment.  Make sure your lawyer is on board with any concerns about your children and their welfare.

Good luck!

[rhos1355]

Wise words, Medic.

[edbikerii]

Careful, here.  My ex-wife tried to run up the bills on me, but I was able to provide proof, and I didn't have to pay a dime.  She got stuck with all of the excess bills she ran up, and the judge said "at least he is not committing financial suicide".

Best advice I can give is to find and print out all the bank statements, including any payments you made for her education, student loans, etc.  Don't move out, no matter what she, or the police, tell you, or you're giving up some rights to the house and the kids.  Carry a voice recorder at all times, and record EVERY SINGLE CONVERSATION, even if it is illegal in your jurisdiction.  You may not be able to admit the tapes, but you can admit TRANSCRIPTS of the tapes.  I don't know the law in Canada, but it sure helped me in New Jersey.

Keep track of any payments you make to her or the kids, because later she will claim you made none, and child and spousal support can be made RETROACTIVELY!!!  So you don't want to get stuck with that.

Good advice I heard was to get an investigator to drum up whatever dirt you can.  You may never need it, but if there is a custody battle, you want to have any ammunition you can get.

Most important of all is to forget that you ever had any love for her.  She is no longer your friend, and she will now fight you tooth and nail without regard for right and wrong.  She may even try to sucker you to get more information or just to toy with you and piss you off.  IT'S WAR NOW!

I like what Seaweb proposes but since I'm not Canadian WTF do I know?! Well, done it twice (don't learn very well about marriage) but I got smarter about divorce. The most important question I posed to the judge was "if she gets half of the assets doesn't she also get half of the liabilities?!!"
The answer in my case was yes. I didn't have much assets then so it didn't really matter but I'd be damned if that #$%* that didn't pay any bills or work while I paid for her college education was going to clean my plow! BUT with this thought in mind you might want to consider leaving her ass in fairly deep debt if you can afford your half. Just don't do this foolishly or it could bite you. I seriously considered "going to Vegas" and losing all the cash we had and then some. Prove I didn't do it was my thinking. Jack up the credit cards for a going away present. After all was said and done I'd dig up that container of the cash that I'd "lost" and worked my ass off for. I did go to Barbados though by myself and had a fantastic time   

Bitter - FN A! Hosed - hell no! She filed bankruptcy 7 years later. And to think I once loved her, ha! 

Damn, I feel much better now!     

[edbikerii]

+1 to medic on watch out for the kids.

Also, no matter what, don't forget that they are kids, and we are adults, and WE need to know better than to involve them in this mess.  They can't be blamed for anything they are coerced into saying by either party.

Also, the "keep it together for the kids" argument is quite dubious.  They can sense the unhappy home, and you don't want them growing up thinking that stuff is normal.

[Caaveman82]

As a twice divorced, yes twice, yes I'm only twenty five. The Corps makes you a stupid womanizer, what can I say? Any way, as a twice divorced son of a lawyer something to keep in mind.... the legal system will screw you harder than it will her. So you need to do exactly what was said earlier. You go for full custody and this thing will be over quick. Any lawyer will tell you that you won't win a custody battle. If you bluff your way into a settlement though... you win. If you talk to an attorney that says not to go for full custody get a new lawyer man. Stay strong and keep your head up. You can beat this thing. Plus remember man, you can come out on top even if she does win. No matter what happens be civil. Even if she is a horrible lady. What do you win from that? The respect of your children. Trust me, my parents were divorced and my mom was evil and would always try to mess with the old man and he stayed civil and didn't use me as a bargaining chip like my mom and in the end I had a lot more respect for him..

[Gregorymoto]

My friend went through that, he lost the house to he and has to pay her child support even though he wanted the kids, and has the kids 2 to 3 days a week.
He DID HOWEVER keep all 4 of his motorcycles and his 68 firebird he sold all of them to his friends for cheep before the paper work for divorce was filed, and then after all the paperwork was official we sold them back to him.
That was in CA. USA

Good Luck man

[seaweb11]

Your still young right?

Count your blessings. I did my divorce when assets totaled $55,000.   Gave her 1/2  I kept 1/2.  Sweet. You can recover from that easily.

Just use your proceeds from the house in an investment manner.  I started a business with my 1/2

Having been recently at my 30 year grad reunion and seeing 40% of the 48 year olds having just handed over  a $ 2 million house to the Ex, count yourself lucky I suppose.  These dudes were sour to the enth degree........................


Your in Alberta, I'm in BC, had to drive to Calgary to get my kid back when she was 2 .  I won all my crap in court, feel free to PM or call me for advice or a shoulder......I can help you.  (800) 352-1137   


You will get through this

[Uncle Ernie]

Double D. I thought it was funny (even though I'm embarassed I laughed)

So- what did you do to piss her off so bad?  I mean, my 2nd wife used to beat the kazoobers out of me, but at least she said it was for my own good.   


If anyone is interested, I highly recommend "Keeping The Love You Find" by Harvil Hendrix.  It is not an easy read, but it helped to change my life. I learned a lot.

[edbikerii]

Yes, Ernie, I found that and Hendrix' other book "Getting the Love You Want" excellent reads.  Unfortunately sometimes there are deeper problems and/or incompatibilities that Hendrix' techniques (mirroring, etc.) only help to bring to the surface.  Sometimes people really just aren't meant to be together.

Double D. I thought it was funny (even though I'm embarassed I laughed)

So- what did you do to piss her off so bad?  I mean, my 2nd wife used to beat the kazoobers out of me, but at least she said it was for my own good.   


If anyone is interested, I highly recommend "Keeping The Love You Find" by Harvil Hendrix.  It is not an easy read, but it helped to change my life. I learned a lot.