Sam,
Having raised several Scottish Attack Squirrels, yes among other things I
am a Scottish Attack Squirrel trainer. I am glad to report the Squirrel in
question was one of my better students, we named him little Chuck Norris.
Butt, my secret may be out now as the Big Dude in the article has now confirmed an
attack by a Scottish Attack Squirrel. I had been secretly training them for the CIA for
a number of years and one was recently kidnapped by Taliban Terrorist.
Little Chuck was being hauled off by the car in question and in fact jumped out the window
and just happened to land in front of the motorcycle dude. Thinking he was another
one of the terrorist he immediately went into attack mode. I want all of you on here to know
this since, with my secret life as the preimier Attack Squirrel Trainer in the US now out in the
open, I may either be singled out for a terrorist attack or the CIA may decide my talents
may be sought after by other countries. They may try to buy my secret Attack Squirrel
Training techniques and being the good American that I am I would sell it to the
highest bidder. That being said, the CIA would put a price on my head and I would
probably be attacked by one of my colleagues secret English Attack Chipmunks (or is that hedgehogs, I forget).
I did note one error in the writers report but given the fact that
the fellow was obviously so overwhelmed by the attack we can overlook the error.
Squirrels do not hiss, scream nor snarl. Squirrels have quite an extensive vocabulary
made up entirely of cuss words. The Scottish Squirrel has the finest vocabulary in that respect
and little Chuck was laying a cussing on the big dude along with an ass whoopin.
Here is young Chuck at the training table,
notice his attack fork.
