Topic: And Then The Fight Started

[31rx7]

This might be a repost, but it's good.
----------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels.

She asked, 'What's on TV?'

I said, 'Dust.'
 
And then the fight started...
----------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
 
She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds.'
 
I bought her a scale.
 
And then the fight started...
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's License to verify my age.
 
I looked in my pockets and realized I had Left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I Would have to go home and come back later.
 
The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application.
 
When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office.
 
She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too.'
 
And then the fight started...
------------ --------- --------- ---
A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.
 
She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.'
 
The husband replies, 'Well, Your eyesight's damn near perfect.'
 
And then the fight started...
---------- --------- --------- ------
I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light for $14.95.
 
Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95.
 
I told her the beer would make her look better at night than the cold cream.
 
And then the fight started...
------------ --------- --------- --------- -----
My wife asked me if a certain dress made her butt look big.
 
I told her not as much as the dress she wore yesterday
 
And then the fight started...
------------ --------- --------- --------- ------
Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, grabbed the dog, and slipped quietly into the garage.
 
I hooked up the boat up to the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour.
 
The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day.
 
I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed.
 
I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, 'The weather out there is terrible.'
 
My loving wife of 10 years replied, 'Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?'
 
And then the fight started...
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ----
I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary?”
 
It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation.
 
"Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said.
 
So I suggested, "How about the kitchen?"
 
And then the fight started...
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ----
My wife and I are watching Who Wants to Be a Millionaire while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?"
 
"No," she answered.
 
I then said, "Is that your final answer?"
 
She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying "Yes."
 
So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."
 
And then the fight started...

[eldar]

Nice ones! I sure do not remember that joke so I dont think it is a repeat. It is good anyways though.

[dpen]

So my wife comes out & states that she has decided to go bra-less
  I said "that looks good"
She said "do you really think so?"
  I said "yes, your boobs droop so much they've pulled the wrinkles out of your face"
Then the fight.......

[Jonesy]

My wife was looking at herself in the mirror and was lamenting the fact that her breasts weren't bigger.
   I told her to rub toilet paper on them every day as that was a sure-fire way to fix the problem.
She thought that was silly and asked where I came up with the idea.
   I said it would surely work as her butt had gotten bigger over the years.

Then the fight started...

[rklystron]

A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office.

After his checkup, the doctor called the wife into his office alone. He said, "Your husband is suffering from a very severe stress disorder. If you don't follow my instructions carefully, your husband will surely die.

"Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant at all times. For lunch make him a nutritious meal. For dinner prepare an especially nice meal for him.

"Don't burden him with chores. Don't discuss your problems with him; it will only make his stress worse. Do not nag him. Most importantly, make love to him regularly.

"If you can do this for the next 10 months to a year, I think your husband will regain his health completely."

On the way home, the husband asked his wife, "What did the doctor say?"

"He said you're going to die," she replied.