Topic: 'Slice of life, Dear?

[Uncle Ernie]

I can't find a job, so I'm a househusband.  I do the cleaning, grocery shopping, and cooking.  One-Who-Knows-All can't cook unless she agonizes over a book, makes notes, memorizes, and has an assortment of measuring devices and vessels.  Me- I grab a handful of something and throw it across the kitchewn.  However much hits the pot is how much is in the recipe.  Who cares- I do the clean-up anyway!

As any decent executive chef does, I discuss the menu for later in the day.  EVERY SINGLE time she says, "OK.  I'm happy with just a baked potato and cottage cheese"
Uh-huh... So, last yesterday I tell her I decided to make spaghetti- only it's going to have polska keilbassa and beans in it instead of the usual ground beef.  I get a new response;
 "What?!  Oh no.  No.  That's too weird.  Noooooo."
>thinking...<
Why are you so conservative?  You like polska keilbassa in other things?
"Noop.  Too weird-"
OK.  I'm gonna make 2 sauces.  Yours can be plain old everyday.

So. I had the beans already soaking from the day before and put them on to boil.
Later, I start the sauce.  Big leaves of fresh basil.  I saute onions and whole cloves of garlic.  Women seem to like the visuals of big chunks of things they think might be healthy.  So we have cloves of garlic that look like whales coming to the surface and big strings of cooked basil that all look like seaweed- all swimming in a tomatoe sauce ocean.

Now I'm cooking sliced up sausage.  Almost burn it for extra flavor.  Ding-dong beans seem to be taking longer than usual...  Finally, they're a little on the al dente side.  I have split the sauce up into two pots;  beans and keilbassa and carmelized onions in one, just plain-Jane ground beef in the other.  They both sit.

OWKA comes home from sending bad karma into outerspace and goes right to the red wine.  Eyes half closed as she looks through the ceiling out to the sky, you can sense her - well, something- is being washed away.  Every night a new baptism of something I'll never "get".Then she tastes "her" sauce; "Mmmm. Good sauce"  Then "my" sauce; 
Now this is part of what drives me nuts- right here.  Women seem to have a way of allegedly tasting things where you can't testify in court that you actually SAW something being tasted.  If you reviewed the video tapes, you would THINK you saw someone tasting something, but up close, you see a spoon go over the edge of the pot.  I could not truely verify that something was actually on that spoon.  She holds the spoon up to a barely protruding tongue tip and lets one molecule of the essence of what may or may not be on that spoon eventually waft over to the outermost cell on her tongue.  I assume this procedure is so that -in case there is radioactive ebola virus in "my" sauce, she will have time to cut the end of her tongue off in time to save "salty" and "bitter"- even though ice-cream will be a thing of the past.

So, "my" sauce is entering her realm of conciousness by hacking away at vines and deep, crowded, mental vegetation.  She appears to be focusing on a point about 10 to 12 inches in front of her face...
"Dammit.  I like yours better.  In fact- it's good."

I'm thinking, "All the way to the moon, Alice..."
And here I sit typing instead of filling out another on-line application.

Any cooks out there with some inspiration for me?  I need a couple of simple, cheap recipe ideas.  I'd even consider tofu- I have no clue what to do with that stuff.

[gerhed]

Ern,

Great "slice".
Excellent writing, too.
"The New Yorker" mag will print just such a story.
Try 'em.

gerhed

[Gordon]

Nice write-up!


For me Simple and Cheap = Crock Pot:

In the morning, chop up an onion, a couple of carrots, couple stalks of celery, couple potatoes (or whatever veggies you like/have in the kitchen) and toss them in the crock pot.  Add two cups of water or chicken broth, then set a whole chicken on top of it all.  Sprinkle on some salt, pepper, and any herbs of your choice.  Turn on crock pot and dinner is ready in the evening. 

You can do the same with a brisket, or sausages, or any other land/air based animal that will fit in the pot.   The best part is it makes the whole house smell like dinner.

[Bob Wessner]

UE,

I'm in much the same situation, the wife still works and I'm retired, so much of the house stuff is mine during the week. My wife loves to cook, but usually only has time on weekends. I don't 'cook' so much as 'prepare' a meal and second the crock pot, great little invention. Now if only I could figure out how to brew beer in it, I'd be set.

[Demon67]

Bob I've tried for years to brew beer in a crock pot but it always tastes like garlic.
Bill the demon

[Caaveman82]

Poor Man's Cassarole...

1 part meat of choice (what ever is available pretty much. could be a can of tuna, or some chicken or even beef, I dunno about pork, though I did try it with cut up slices of bacon.
1 can of cream of chicken or cream of mushroom, depending on what you are in the mood for
cut up as many veggies as you can handle
mix all of this in with some already boiled butter noodles. (noodles are great because you can boil then fry them or do what ever you want) then put it in the oven at like 350 for about a half hour or so and in the last like 10 minutes or so I prefer pringles, but any type of bread or potato chip or what ever kind of carb you desire can go on top.

[tortelvis]

Ernie, went through the house husband scenario after a bad crash in '98. Be careful, after two years of that I was beginning to sound like my mom. "I just polished that floor! Hang your clothes up, why do I even bother to iron them? Etc." We have a motto in our house:
You get what you're given.

[Bob Wessner]

Iron? Clothes? Never going to happen.

[Uncle Ernie]

No kidding.  Thankfully, my wife won't let me touch her clothes unless they're on the shower curtain rod and I need to take a shower- when she's not home.
Our house looks like a musem because she's a "junker", so I just get the big chunks off the floor I might trip over.

[333]

I've been a house husband for over 4 years now.  I volunteer at a boat shop (see sig below) and care for the elders (Mom and Mother-in-law- each who live in independent living).  As for cooking, I don't prepare meals much, but I do some baking.  I got on a bread kick a few years ago with a bread machine, but have graduated to a mixer.  And then there's sweets.  Cookies.  Ice cream.  From scratch.  The internet is truly evil with recipes.  Woodworking and the bike are all that keep my sanity.

[Jonesy]

Nice write-up!


For me Simple and Cheap = Crock Pot:

In the morning, chop up an onion, a couple of carrots, couple stalks of celery, couple potatoes (or whatever veggies you like/have in the kitchen) and toss them in the crock pot.  Add two cups of water or chicken broth, then set a whole chicken on top of it all.  Sprinkle on some salt, pepper, and any herbs of your choice.  Turn on crock pot and dinner is ready in the evening. 

You can do the same with a brisket, or sausages, or any other land/air based animal that will fit in the pot.   The best part is it makes the whole house smell like dinner.

+1

If you like a classic pulled pork dinner, try this:

Buy a pork butt (actually from the shoulder.. nothing to do with the rear end of the pig) for the meat counter and put it in the crock pot. Cut a few slits in it and coat it liberally with dried rosemary and dried garlic. Stuff some rosemary and garlic into the slits cut in the meat. Allow it to roast in the crock pot for several hours. You might want to roll it over once during the cooking so all of it can sit in the juices and spices. When the meat is falling apart, pull out the single T-shaped bone and gently scrape the fat off with a large spoon. Lift the meat out of the crock and place it on a large plate. Take two large knives and holding them opposite each other and cutting outwards (away from themselves), shred the pork. Skim out any remaining fat in the juices and put the shredded meat back in the juice. Let it sit for a bit on low and then enjoy with your favorite barbeque sauce.

Variation: instead of garlic and rosemary, use brown sugar, honey and Famous Dave's rib rub.

[BobbyR]

UE,

I'm in much the same situation, the wife still works and I'm retired, so much of the house stuff is mine during the week. My wife loves to cook, but usually only has time on weekends. I don't 'cook' so much as 'prepare' a meal and second the crock pot, great little invention. Now if only I could figure out how to brew beer in it, I'd be set.

If I cook I could be charged with assault and convicted. I am ok with Ramen soup. I think that may be what keeps me working.

[azuredesign]

This is a great thread Uncle! What happens when Spring hits, and you're riding instead of cooking at dinner time? I have a one word solution, pizza!
 BTW I like the stuff you show from your home.

[tramp]

married a good woman
married for 30yrs
she cooks well but it's the same stuff all the time
now that i'm retired we switch cooking and i go to the cook books for idea's
just made tuna casserole which i had not had in years and it turned out pretty good
made veggie soup from scratch
and learning how to bake
i sound like my mother

[Demon67]

Ok Ernie google, lime broiled chicken use the simplest recipe that you can find and add a tablespoon of honey, a pinch of dried tarragon and a dash of hot sauce try it once and adjust the seasonings as per your collective tastes you can sub brown sugar for honey, oregano for tarragon and red pepper flakes for hot sauce, if the flood hadn't f-upped, my special cook books I would get you the original recipe from the New York Cook book that we originally used many years ago. that recipe with variations ( whats in the fridge, whats in the stores) has been consistently tasty ( with only a couple of disasters } over the years, works with rice, noodles and even spuds.
Bill the demon. As house husband me self I sympathize with the bit about sounding like my mother, except, mother would not have used words like I do, you know, come on you S.O.B. brown, that dog licking mother F-er is sticking, god dammit to hell the pasta is over cooked etc ( you get the picture ) by the bones of christ look at the size of that dust bunny, any bigger and it will get eyes. Enough.
Bill the demon.

[Uncle Ernie]

Funny stuff!  I have my own set of tools- even saws and files, because Kathleen puts things down right where she's standing and walks away.  Next project takes her a couple of days- 50% of that time is either looking for stuff or trying to adapt the wrong tool for the job because the one she should be using is covered up my more junk she put down on top of it.
Dust bunnies;  that just cracked me up.  Sometimes I'll leave a dead body in the middle of the floor to see how long it sits there.  A week later, it's me who drags it out the door.

This has sure been an eye-opener ~

[Bob Wessner]

The best dust is that which is left undisturbed.

[tramp]

ahhh
the joys of housekeeping
just did the dishes
every third day
my youngest daughter is going to college for dental hygiene
she's divorced so there is no support there
she stay's with us in a shed we remodeled for her
so right now we are baby sitting
i miss my job

[flybox1]

Running after 2 boys, and keeping them headed in the right direction, the wife is burnt at the end of the day.   No way i could do that day in and day out.  glad i have a $job$.  She keeps the house and kids right, and i do the cooking, feeding and dishes.  i'm lucky.

this one is easy. only 4 ingredients. one of my favs.

A simple one for the BBQ, even when its chilly outside, is carne asada.  at the local hispanic butcher, i pick up some aracherra (thinly sliced skirt/flank steak) in marinade.
they mix their own in a 5 gallon bucket, but the marinade is a mix of oil, hot sauce, onions, cilantro, black pepper, and modelo(beer).  they add marinade to what you buy, and seal it up.
make your own maridade, and drink the other 5 beers.
(I vacuum seal the meat in a drum canister overnight so the marinade really sets in, but its not needed.)

Here you go..
1 white onion, diced
1 bundle of fresh cilantro, diced
grill the meat well done, and slice it in strips against the grain
1 stack of fresh corn tortillas, flour is ok too, heated really hot, but not crispy.

load up your hot tortilla with the meat, onion, and cilantro. 
cover with hot sauce.  Valentina's is my fav.  drink the rest of the Modelo if you havent already...

[firecracker]

If you want a real Mid-Western meat and potatoes kind-of-meal from the 70's, this one's TOO easy.

In your biggest skillet:

Brown a pound of hamburger

Add:
onion, carrots and potatoes
(I have an old hand crank slicer thing I cut them with - strips are better than chunks)
can of cream of mushroom soup
1/2 can of water
salt and pepper

cook until the veggies are soft and the whole thing looks (almost) like mush.  It ain't pretty, but it's tastes much better than it should.