Hahaha, Kinda made me laugh too. Considering the circumstances.
Anyway. Ok. Try this,
hookup the battery charger,
pull the air box out.
Push the choke knob back down,
Check to make sure you have a steady stream of gas. if it's restricted, it's a problem.
wait ten minutes.
spray a small amount of carb cleaner or starter fluid into each carb
(I say small amount cause you don't wanna catch anything on fire)
pull the choke knob back up,
unhook charger,
turn on gas,
try kicking it.
If you cannot kick it,
try the button.