Dude, I know it sucks getting divorced. Just try to believe that in a few months or so, when things settle in, you'll probably be MUCH HAPPIER than you were in a bad marriage.
If she gave you a heads-up on the lawyer thing, maybe you can talk to her about using a mediator(s) instead? They don't charge as much, and they can't go to court and fight, so they don't really have an interest in dragging things out and making things ugly. Lawyers love to make you angry so you can fight more in court and rack up the big bills.
Maybe, if she's still reasonable, you guys can work something out before you even go to the mediator. Then just get it written up and get it over with quick. Much less painful that way. Once the lawyers are involved, they can simply blame their lawyer for all the lies, deception and unfairness. Rarely do they have the decency to tell their lawyer to stop being a piece of #$%*.
Oh, some more advice: don't fight over anything that a judge wouldn't do anyway. Just say, "nope, that isn't going to happen" when she asks for something that is totally unreasonable. If she persists, then let the mediator tell her what they've seen in the many cases they've seen.
If she won't be reasonable and work something out with you, then you've got to realize that you've got a war on your hands. You can't be soft. Don't ever think she's your friend again. Don't get sentimental or she will take advantage of you. If she'll be reasonable, then consider yourself lucky.
Good luck, man.
