The following is a letter that Heffay asked me to post to the forum:
__________________________________________________________________________________
Dear SOHC4 Clan...
I am passing this note on to Gordon so that he may post it here.
First off... any impersonator should know that heffay was not capitalized. That should have been everyone’s first clue.
Secondly, many of you think I went thru deleting posts that I thought made me look bad... sure I did that. I also deleted nearly 200 of my most recent posts about a week before my departure. I started leaving the group a couple of weeks ago and began the task of deletion. That task was so damned overwhelming I gave up and decided to think it over, yet again. The night I actually deleted my account, I again, began deleting... Then, in one fell swoop, said “#$%* it” and hit the delete account button and entered my password one final time. So, you see, I wasn’t simply deleting what made me look bad, I was deleting me, as a whole.
Now, to get down to business... Here’s why... While some of you are not emotionally strained, wrapped up, or invested in the forum... I was. I’m a fairly emotional guy, most of the time I bottle things up, then burst with emotion (not always the good kind, either). Elizabeth says I am “highly flammable”. In the past, I have been known to be an even-kilter, level-headed guy... But, I think, with the help of this forum I have turned into a monster that I don’t particularly want to be. I find myself arguing things I never thought I would, nor wanted to. Yes, this does include respecting death, but there were so many more things, as well. What happened most recently was simply the straw that broke the camel’s back. No member should feel directly responsible for my departure.
I need this change for me. I need to focus on changing some very important aspects of my attitude and mental well-being... and I don’t believe with the nature of this forum, possibly any internet forum, I can accomplish that. I get so worked up that it is no longer about me, the person I’m arguing with or the discussion at hand... it is about the anger washing over me. Constant anger and disgust is not something that should be an everyday thing and it is definitely not something that I should be willing to carry into a new marriage.
Most every member on the forum is a wonderful person. There have been a select number of people who have really ruined it for me though. But even those members, I’m sure, can be nice folks. Some of you may ask how an internet forum or someone across the earth can have so much impact over a single person’s life... Let me ask you this... are you me? We all have our own ways of dealing. Presently, my coping mechanism is broken and needs adjustment.
It has been a great 4 or 5 years, guys... Right now though, for me, its time to move on.
Thanks for listening and understanding.
Geoff
