I didn't want to put this on the threads about the 4th of July, but, I don't see how I am
EVER going to be comfortable with this time again. Seeing the 1st of July coming, isn't going to be easy to deal with. I put this here because I am completely for celebrating our independence and all, but I DIDN'T WANT to be free from Brenda! That day will be forever marked in my mind. From about 5:30AM - about 7:15 (the approximate time that the emts were here trying to save Brenda) I just can't get that period time out of my head. Then I didn't think we were ever going to get there and when we did get there and they found out who I was, we were taken to a "Family Room" (I knew that that wasn't good
) I'd been by that room on several occasions and never really noticed it for what it was. Then, when they told us, my heart sank! My world was shaken so bad that I just couldn't believe it, I thought, "They Must Have The Wrong Room!" We were waiting to go see Brenda, but NOT IN THAT WAY! I was wishing that it was me instead, so that she could continue on. I am just so beside myself. I was already doing most everything around here because she, for ine reason or another, just didn't feel like doing much. Back about 13 yrs ago, she went into depression because of all that we had to deal with concerning Karla's seizures, finally caught up with her (she never admitted it, she finally went to the Doctor and he put her on medication and she was on her way back to feeling more like herself. About 11 yrs ago, she started taking over paying some of the bills again. I still paid a good portion of them, did most of the cooking,clothes washing, etc. She gradually started trying to get back in the thick of things, but never really made it that far. She would tell me that my cooking was better than hers and I would say, yeah, you just want me to cook so you won't have to.
Anyway, last Dec, she was sick a fair amount of time and hadn't felt very good since (seemed to be several different things going around and she had the symptoms of those things. Then, about a month or 2 ago (hard to keep up with time), she started having all kinds of tests (upper gi, lower gi, small intestines, colonoscipy, lab work) and then on about the 5th of June she had a blood transfusion of 2 units. When she was leaving the hospital with more color (she had been very pale) and she felt like she had energy (she had been so lifeless before) and we thought things were looking up. Then she started getting pale again & lossing energy. She went in to see the Doctor on the 25th of June for a followup and the 26th, they called her here at the house and said that she was to go to the hospital NOW to get another transfusion of 2 units of blood. I was in another room and she told me what they said, so, off we went, to get some more blood. This time, she didn't get the color back like the 1st time AND she didn't get the energy back like the 1st time either. Then, the next thing I know, we are at evening of the 30th of June and she's reminding me that she has 2 Doctor apointments the next afternoon and wants to wear the new pants that I had bought her. As you all know by now, she will never wear those pants again. For the life of me, I didn't realize that I was going to go into this the way that I did. I just started typing and couldn't seem to stop. I am really surprised that my pc hasn't crashed yet. Bad thing is, when she didn't feel good, she would sometimes try to hide it. Sometimes it worked, sometimes it didn't.
The next 2 days are going to be SO long!
