Topic: Need your prayers BIG TIME! 8 Months Have Passed & My Daughter Had A Problem

[bill440cars]

It seems strange that Time just marches on, doesn't it?
When my dad was killed in 1958, mom's world just stopped for about 3 years. I ended up taking care of my brothers, for the most part, with the neighbor's help sometimes. Mom had a series of nervous breakdowns, then two more bad marriages over the next 8 years after that. She's never been quite right since then...

When I look back at all that stuff, it seems like I was a different person, for about 5 or 6 years, from who I really "was". Later, it felt like I came back to normal (whatever that might be?), but Time had just kept going in between. I suppose that's what they mean about it "healing", but I'm not sure if it's 'healing' or just 'learning' over again.

Couldn't change it, though, so just kept going on. Kinda makes you wonder what might have happened instead of the events that did occur, doesn't it? Maybe all we can really do is manage from today, onward. 

          Yeah, I hear you Mark. In my case, I have seemed to get to where, I feel like I am moving on somewhat and then it hits me. At that point, I spend SOME time thinking about things up until July 1st ad it just doesn't seem real. Then I start moving again. For the most part, everyone one else (around me) seems to have forgotten about what has happened and yet, there are a few who will ask how I am doing. I know others have their one life to live, with their own things going on and all. One thing that REALLY puzzled me was that AFTER the morning of July1st and for quite sometime, if I tried to picture Brenda in my mind, all I could bring up was how she looked on that morning, when she was going. So, I would quickly think about something else (sometimes not so quickly, and then I'd have problems with it). I could think about how she looked in her graduation picture, but NOT what she looked like before she died. I am only just recently being able to see her in my mind, as she looked BEFORE she passed away. It's been nearly four and one half months now and yes, time just keeps right on going (without even slowing down). Even though I am getting out and doing things, with people around and all, I STILL feel like I am so alone. AND I'm sure that that's what your Mom went through. I can certainly sympothize with ANYONE who has lost a Mate.

           Hope all is well with YOU Mark, I didn't even think to ask, til now. Myself, I am getting on, but it's quite an experience. Life as I knew it, will never be the same.
Just trying to make the best of it that I can.

                                         Take care, Bill    

[bill440cars]

             I come here today to say that I would like your Prayers once again because we are nearing Thanksgiving which will be followed soon by Christmas and then into the New Year with Our Wedding Anniversary and I have already been experiencing some of the feelings that are really setting me back. I mean, I knew this was coming (unlike the passing of Brenda) and have been trying to prepare for it. But, how do you do that? Other than Praying about it and talking about it, I don't know what else to do. I don't want to sound like a whiner or like "Poor Me". It DOES feel some better to be able to get out in the GTX and just go somewhere in it (and Karla LOVES to ride in that car  ) as it DOES take my mind off of things for a bit.

          BTW, I have gotten a plate made for the front bumper that says "Miss Brenda" and it IS installed. That part WAS cool. I just went to a shop in the Mall and told the girl the story about the car and what it represents. After I told her what I wanted and asked her opinion on the rest, it just seemed to come together. And after she set it al up on a computer monitor, it looked the part. SHe then told me that it would be ready in about 20 minutes! I figured that I'd have to come back the next day or so. The plate looks great! I will try to get some pictures within the next 2 or 3 days.

                            I guess that's about it, Bill

[HondaMan]

             I come here today to say that I would like your Prayers once again because we are nearing Thanksgiving which will be followed soon by Christmas and then into the New Year with Our Wedding Anniversary and I have already been experiencing some of the feelings that are really setting me back. I mean, I knew this was coming (unlike the passing of Brenda) and have been trying to prepare for it. But, how do you do that? Other than Praying about it and talking about it, I don't know what else to do. I don't want to sound like a whiner or like "Poor Me". It DOES feel some better to be able to get out in the GTX and just go somewhere in it (and Karla LOVES to ride in that car  ) as it DOES take my mind off of things for a bit.

          BTW, I have gotten a plate made for the front bumper that says "Miss Brenda" and it IS installed. That part WAS cool. I just went to a shop in the Mall and told the girl the story about the car and what it represents. After I told her what I wanted and asked her opinion on the rest, it just seemed to come together. And after she set it al up on a computer monitor, it looked the part. SHe then told me that it would be ready in about 20 minutes! I figured that I'd have to come back the next day or so. The plate looks great! I will try to get some pictures within the next 2 or 3 days.

                            I guess that's about it, Bill

Well, now, THAT's cool! 

[Hush]

This is always a part of the year you will feel it the most Bill, anniversaries, birthdays all will remind you and bittersweet memories will come flooding back.
Have a howl, go visit Brenda, find a nice back road and do the ton.....whatever helps.
Time dulls the pain but does not remove it altogether, and would we want it to take away our deepest feelings, the one's that hurt but make us smile at the memory.

                                                                          Kia kaha Bill....Hush.

[bill440cars]

This is always a part of the year you will feel it the most Bill, anniversaries, birthdays all will remind you and bittersweet memories will come flooding back.
Have a howl, go visit Brenda, find a nice back road and do the ton.....whatever helps.
Time dulls the pain but does not remove it altogether, and would we want it to take away our deepest feelings, the one's that hurt but make us smile at the memory.

                                                                          Kia kaha Bill....Hush.

            Thanks for the response Hush, You have a way with words, that are comforting. BTW, YOU recommended naming one of the bikes "Brenda" and I actually have named, had a plate made for the front bumper and installed it on the GTX, which is PROPERLY named " Miss Brenda". Now, "Miss Brenda" and I can go for rides (I know, DRIVES actually) and "Do The Ton" as well.

                                                 Thanks again, Bill  

[bill440cars]

   Yep, it's been 6 months today and, at times, it STILL seems so unreal that She's gone. In the past years, I've seen others lose their mate and REALLY thought I knew what they must have been going through. Now, I've found that I had absolutely NO idea. There is NO WAY that a person can REALLY know how THAT ONE will affect you. I mean, to lose ANYONE, is a tragity, but to lose a MATE (one that You are TRULY in LOVE with, will completely change your life. Oh, I'm doing my best to work my way through this and it's been TOUGH. I don't wish it on ANYONE! The things that are helping me through it are My Faith In GOD, the SUPPORT from HERE and Support from my Family (what's left of it) AND Support from my OTHER friends (other than from here). You might say it's a team effort. Our Wedding Anniversary is coming up  on the 8th of Jan and I'm preparing, the best I can, for that.

       I want to THANK YOU ALL for ALL of your continued support and Pray that You All have a Very Happy And Prosperous New Year in 2010!


                                                    Thank You All, Bill    

         BTW, for the month of Jan, I will carry the avatar that I now have.

[pae]

Hey Bill, I'm doing what I can for you over here. Gotta be honest and say that all of my generation are still with us, plus both mine and my wife's parents, so I've been shielded from what you've had to face. I'm not going to pretend that I know what you're going through as I've not had to face it myself. But you're such a decent and honest guy I just hope that every little bit we do helps you out.

I hope I put that right... you're a decent and inspirational friend with the kind words you offer everyone else. I think we should take some comfort from what Hush said a while back, a beautiful way of looking from a different direction.

Time dulls the pain but does not remove it altogether, and would we want it to take away our deepest feelings, the one's that hurt but make us smile at the memory.

Take care, Phil

[bill440cars]

Hey Bill, I'm doing what I can for you over here. Gotta be honest and say that all of my generation are still with us, plus both mine and my wife's parents, so I've been shielded from what you've had to face. I'm not going to pretend that I know what you're going through as I've not had to face it myself. But you're such a decent and honest guy I just hope that every little bit we do helps you out.

I hope I put that right... you're a decent and inspirational friend with the kind words you offer everyone else. I think we should take some comfort from what Hush said a while back, a beautiful way of looking from a different direction.

Time dulls the pain but does not remove it altogether, and would we want it to take away our deepest feelings, the one's that hurt but make us smile at the memory.

Take care, Phil

        Well Phil, I appreciate so much, ALL that has been done in the way of support from ALL of the folks here. (It REALLY DOES help. It REALLY does! I REALLY do feel for those who also have lost "Loved Ones" and, at the same time, am SO Thankful for THOSE who STILL HAVE most all of THEIR Loved Ones With Them. I Do have to say that this has made ME really notice the couples (that are around my age) as they come and go and do things together. I REALLY miss that too! But, not so much that I am angry that the others still have each other. It just makes ME remember those times when Brenda and I would go out and do things together AND THEN, reality would set in, making me remember that THOSE TIMES are no more. Maybe, someday, I will me someone else, who I can once again enjoy those special times with (not someone to REPLACE Brenda, just someone to continue on with).

        I want to thank YOU for the kind words. You have neither SAID or DONE anything that wasn't alright. You did GOOD and I appreciate it too! Hush (YOU and those others who have placed Special Thoughts here) has (have) really touched me with their thoughts and expressions and I can, in no way, fully express my gratitude for that. As I have seen posted on site, by others "THIS PLACE ROCKS!!!!" I don't know any better way to say it other than that.

                                             Thank you, Bill  

[coldright]

Hey Bill,
Just wanted to say that you are a really great guy, you've been through hell this year and yet you've continued to inspire and share your kindness with others every step of the way these past six months.  I wish all the best this year.  I know there will continue to be peaks and valleys, but I hope that the healing continues and that you find simple joy in each day.
Carrie
PS love the new picture on your profile 

[bill440cars]

Hey Bill,
Just wanted to say that you are a really great guy, you've been through hell this year and yet you've continued to inspire and share your kindness with others every step of the way these past six months.  I wish all the best this year.  I know there will continue to be peaks and valleys, but I hope that the healing continues and that you find simple joy in each day.
Carrie
PS love the new picture on your profile 

Thank you Carrie, It HAS been something and after being so used to doing things together for SO long, it REALLY sets me back to realize she's NOT THERE (physically). Sees like she's tapping on my head at times though. I manage to put up a good front when I need to, even though inside, it's NOT so good. I really appreciate the most kind words too. It ALL helps. I don't even want to think about what it would be like, to NOT have the Lord above AND you all here. I have seen in the obituary (several times in the past) where a Man or a Woman would pass away AND not long afterwards, their spouse would pass too. I always thought that was really something, showing just how much they depended on each other and how DEEP their love was for each other as well. Such a Deep Love AND Commitment is to be Greatly admired. My own situation has even surprised me. I KNEW that I was Deeply in Love with her, but didn't realize just how VERY DEEP it was, til AFTER the fact. I'd ALWAYS heard that you don't really appreciate something til you lose it. Well, I DID appreciate what Brenda and I had, but I wasn't even CLOSE to realizing just how  much. At least I can feel good knowing that NOW SHE Really knows how much I Loved Her. I guess it's better that way, because, IF I'd have realized just how much, while she was with me I'd never had anytime doing anything except showing her my TOTAL affection.

              Here I go, just rambling on. I really didn't mean to go on so. It's just that most everyone has long since, gone back to their own lives and I don't get much of a chance to really talk to anyone  now AND, at times, I really need to!

                            Take care Carrie, Hope All is well with you All, Bill


                               And Hope YOU have a Happy New Year!

[BobbyR]

Bill, some wounds will never heal, there will always be a scar or an ache. Some days it hurts more than others and some days it does not hurt at all. There will be days when something you see or hear will bring it all back. You work through it and I know you are a Man of faith. You know that you will be together again. There is no rush getting there, eternity is a really long time.

[bill440cars]

Bill, some wounds will never heal, there will always be a scar or an ache. Some days it hurts more than others and some days it does not hurt at all. There will be days when something you see or hear will bring it all back. You work through it and I know you are a Man of faith. You know that you will be together again. There is no rush getting there, eternity is a really long time.

        Yeah Bobby, I know and I find myself talking to HER about how I'm feeling and such as that. I KNOW she can hear me, but it's NOT hearing back from her AND seeing her (Physically) that gets to me, I think. Something that DID NOT help, for sometime, was that I could NOT picture her in my mind (all I could see was how she was on THAT Morning, that she died). For a couple of months, when I'd try to picture her in my mind, ALL I could come up with was her going through that 30 or so minutes as she was shutting down. I HATED that SO MUCH! I wanted to picture her as I saw her, before that happened. It was SO frustrating! I thought I was going to go out of my mind, it bothered me THAT MUCH! Finally, around 2 months after the fact, I was able to clearly see her as I wanted to see her, feeling pretty good and Looking Good. Sometimes I just need to talk and I don't have that many folks that I feel comfortable doing that with (that aren't busy with something of their own). I AM working on trying to get my act together, as I KNOW she would want me to do. But, at times, I just have So much trouble doing that. On occasion, I DO talk with my Dad, because of his losing my Mom. He tells me that HE still, now and then, has a problem with his loss as well.
He sure covers it well, as I didn't realize. I had deep feeling for ALL of those that I have lost previously, but I have to say that I have shed MORE tears since the Morning of July 1st, than I EVER have all together. I was always SO happy that we had such a good strong marriage (as I saw so many who, for whatever reason, couldn't make THEIR marriage work) and was SO proud of that fact, looking for all those Anniversaries to come! Now, I've got one coming up on the 8th and She's not here to share that. I know that this is part of my problem now and when I get past this Anniversary, I'll be able to handle it better, til the Next time. Thank you for your listening, support AND thoughts that you put on here. You have such a way with words, that makes MY own look so disorganized and haphazard. Thank you for that.
     

                                      Take care Bobby, Bill

[78 k550]

Hang in there Bill,
Where here with you and for you .

Got to talk to the kids the other day for a few min on new years eve. Sounds like there doing ok.

Hitting the yards looking for Jeep parts.
I'll keep my eyes open for 440 badges.

Paul

[bill440cars]

Hang in there Bill,
Where here with you and for you .

Got to talk to the kids the other day for a few min on new years eve. Sounds like there doing ok.

Hitting the yards looking for Jeep parts.
I'll keep my eyes open for 440 badges.

Paul

     Thank you Paul, I'm sure trying.

     That's good to know that you all got to talk to the kids AND that they are doing okay too!

      Good luck on the Junkyard run! I DID get me a set of "440" badges though. for a  less half the price of $155.00. Do need a set of the emergency brake cable and hdwr at the differential backing plates. I've got the control and cable back to where kit hooks to the 2 cables at the differential. Just don't have the rest, as someone cut the cables off, as the come out of the the backing plates. Haven't made any effort to find these parts yet, except to look on ebay. Looking for the small linkage that goes from the left door lock (tumbler) to the lock mechanism in the door too. Also the plastic defroster vent pieces that sit in the top of the dash And the right vent control cable. Yeah, I've got all kinds of odds and ends that I'm looking for. Sounds like I need to make the time and get out to try to find these things, huh?    

[Hush]

Took a run on Jaffa's GSX400 out to the hills where my brother and sister are buried, had a bit of a New Years chat with them.
This time of year is hard esp when the hurt is fresh, thinking of you mate...........Hush.

[bill440cars]

Took a run on Jaffa's GSX400 out to the hills where my brother and sister are buried, had a bit of a New Years chat with them.
This time of year is hard esp when the hurt is fresh, thinking of you mate...........Hush.

           And I am thinking of YOU as well. About a month ago, I took my Dad and my Daughter Karla down to a place just North of Little Rock, to where my Mom and MY Sister are buried. It was a Very Moving experience, to say the least. You told me recently, to get out and "do the ton", to help release some of my feelings for now and it was around that time that I was out on the GPZ and in an open area, so I cut it loose a bit. Next thing I knew, I WAS "doing the ton!" with throttle to spare. But, I backed off then. Knowing MY luck, if I would have kicked it on up, a cop would have come up over the rise! Might have to push it a little more, on another trip through there. I'll keep you posted.

                                             Take care my friend, Bill      

[Joe Mig]

Hi Bill; Let the new year give you time to heal and recover from your loss.

Let us help you cope with grief;
We hope with time you'll feel relief.
We can't replace the one who's gone,
But let our concern help you carry on.

[bill440cars]

Hi Bill; Let the new year give you time to heal and recover from your loss.

Let us help you cope with grief;
We hope with time you'll feel relief.
We can't replace the one who's gone,
But let our concern help you carry on.

           Very nicely put Joe and I thank you for posting it.

[dusterdude]

bill,i know tomorrow is your anniversary,get in your car and go for one hell of a ride.take care my friend.

[bill440cars]

bill,i know tomorrow is your anniversary,get in your car and go for one hell of a ride.take care my friend.

       Hey Mark, good to see you (so to speak). Only thing about getting out in that car (I assume you mean the GTX), it is colder than I ever remember seeing it in Arkansas and I got it out yesterday, after  FINALLY got it started. Was pretty cold then and it's gonna be worse tomorrow " High of 15 and a windchill of 9 below and 15 below!" I think I'll stick with the Minivan tomorrow and take a "Cold Check" (instead of a raincheck)

       I AM planning on taking care of my Dad early tomorrow and spending some time completely by myself, to include a trip to the Cemetery and going to a restaurant that we used to go to (she really enjoyed this place) called the Ribeye and you can chose a small cubicle (I guess that's what you'd call it. A small room with a table and four chairs.) Just quietly have a nice meal with no distractions. I promise ONE THING, SOON as the weather lets up somewhat, me and the GTX ARE going for one hell of a ride and I will do my best to make sure that there are no fuzz around to spoil my fun!
Then, when the weather gets even better, I'm dragging the GPZ out and cracking 120! (already done the ton with it and 120 is the next step  ). Wish there was a place where I could get either the GTX  OR the GPZ up to a pretty good clip and not have to worry about getting busted. Now THAT would take my mind off of EVERYTHING for a bit! Anyway, everyone here understands that tomorrow is MY day and I am not to be bothered, unless absolutely necessary!

                                 Take care Mark, It WAS good to hear from you to, Bill  

[mikedialect]

bill,i know tomorrow is your anniversary,get in your car and go for one hell of a ride.take care my friend.

       Hey Mark, good to see you (so to speak). Only thing about getting out in that car (I assume you mean the GTX), it is colder than I ever remember seeing it in Arkansas and I got it out yesterday, after  FINALLY got it started. Was pretty cold then and it's gonna be worse tomorrow " High of 15 and a windchill of 9 below and 15 below!" I think I'll stick with the Minivan tomorrow and take a "Cold Check" (instead of a raincheck)

       I AM planning on taking care of my Dad early tomorrow and spending some time completely by myself, to include a trip to the Cemetery and going to a restaurant that we used to go to (she really enjoyed this place) called the Ribeye and you can chose a small cubicle (I guess that's what you'd call it. A small room with a table and four chairs.) Just quietly have a nice meal with no distractions. I promise ONE THING, SOON as the weather lets up somewhat, me and the GTX ARE going for one hell of a ride and I will do my best to make sure that there are no fuzz around to spoil my fun!
Then, when the weather gets even better, I'm dragging the GPZ out and cracking 120! (already done the ton with it and 120 is the next step  ). Wish there was a place where I could get either the GTX  OR the GPZ up to a pretty good clip and not have to worry about getting busted. Now THAT would take my mind off of EVERYTHING for a bit! Anyway, everyone here understands that tomorrow is MY day and I am not to be bothered, unless absolutely necessary!

                                 Take care Mark, It WAS good to hear from you to, Bill  

Bill, if anything I will always know that you're one hell of a guy. You deserve a good day and it sounds like you have a good one planned. I wish you the best new year yet and despite the pain and BS that you never deserved it sounds like you've kept your head up. I'm not going to lie, it's taught me to try and look at the good even when the worst has hit. Even though we've only been internet buddies you've been a source of good in my life. So, thank you for that!

[bill440cars]

bill,i know tomorrow is your anniversary,get in your car and go for one hell of a ride.take care my friend.

       Hey Mark, good to see you (so to speak). Only thing about getting out in that car (I assume you mean the GTX), it is colder than I ever remember seeing it in Arkansas and I got it out yesterday, after  FINALLY got it started. Was pretty cold then and it's gonna be worse tomorrow " High of 15 and a windchill of 9 below and 15 below!" I think I'll stick with the Minivan tomorrow and take a "Cold Check" (instead of a raincheck)

       I AM planning on taking care of my Dad early tomorrow and spending some time completely by myself, to include a trip to the Cemetery and going to a restaurant that we used to go to (she really enjoyed this place) called the Ribeye and you can chose a small cubicle (I guess that's what you'd call it. A small room with a table and four chairs.) Just quietly have a nice meal with no distractions. I promise ONE THING, SOON as the weather lets up somewhat, me and the GTX ARE going for one hell of a ride and I will do my best to make sure that there are no fuzz around to spoil my fun!
Then, when the weather gets even better, I'm dragging the GPZ out and cracking 120! (already done the ton with it and 120 is the next step  ). Wish there was a place where I could get either the GTX  OR the GPZ up to a pretty good clip and not have to worry about getting busted. Now THAT would take my mind off of EVERYTHING for a bit! Anyway, everyone here understands that tomorrow is MY day and I am not to be bothered, unless absolutely necessary!

                                 Take care Mark, It WAS good to hear from you to, Bill  

Bill, if anything I will always know that you're one hell of a guy. You deserve a good day and it sounds like you have a good one planned. I wish you the best new year yet and despite the pain and BS that you never deserved it sounds like you've kept your head up. I'm not going to lie, it's taught me to try and look at the good even when the worst has hit. Even though we've only been internet buddies you've been a source of good in my life. So, thank you for that!

      Good to hear from You Mike. I DO appreciate the kind words. Given a choice, I'd have gone instead of or with Brenda. Bit I wasn't given a choice OR a notice that this was coming. It's left me really drained, for sure. I lost MORE than I cared to, on that day in July. Gonna be hard to even think about the 4th, in the same way. And The 4th of July certainly needs to be remembered for what it is. I don't mean any disrespect for those who gave their lives so that we could HAVE our Independence, but my senses have been dulled for now. I have really FELT for what YOU have gone through too, my friend. We might ONLY be Internet buddies, but you and I have done things for each other and I'll always remember that as well. IF I HAVE helped you in THAT way, I'm REALLY glad and wish ONLY the Best For YOU as Well. I was just getting ready to finally shut down for the evening, as I have a full day tomorrow and it starts early. But, I saw that YOU had posted and I wanted to acknowledge you before turning in.

                       Take care Mike, ALWAYS good to hear from You, Bill

[Joe Mig]

Good morning Bill,
Just a little poem to help you get through this saddened day.

No one can know just what you've lost;
No one can understand the cost;
But when you feel your energy drain,
Please count on us to help ease your pain.

[bill440cars]

Good morning Bill,
Just a little poem to help you get through this saddened day.

No one can know just what you've lost;
No one can understand the cost;
But when you feel your energy drain,
Please count on us to help ease your pain.

   That's REALLY a VERY NICE poem Joe AND Cool to wake up to! Thank You for that!

    I woke up this morning (this is gonna sound silly, but I don't care) after having the GREATEST DREAM! I was dreaming that Brenda and I were in OUR home, enjoying some time together ( I was in TOTAL amazement BTW, because she had DIED and yet was there with me!) and, after a bit,  I wanted to tell her things before she would be gone again. But she kept interrupting me (it was as if, she knew that our time was short and wanted to enjoy that little bit, while we could! I was just so HAPPY that I was all beside myself! Then, I woke up. Now, even though it saddened me to have to wake up and find that it WAS a dream, I thanked Brenda for the Awesome Dream, that left me feeling much better for that bit of time. Really started my day off better, but could only be topped by ACTUALLY having her back with me!

     I just wanted to share that, DAMN it felt GOOD!

[Joe Mig]

That is a wonderful way to start this day.